2nd child

[2be2ornot]

For as long as I can remember I wanted the pregnancy experience (being pregnant, feeling the kick but most of all giving birth). At one stage I considered surrogacy as I never thought I would meet someone who I would want to settle down with.

I've now met someone and had a baby. The plan was always to have 2 or 3 children.

Now we have had one child I feel that I've "done" pregnancy, almost as if it was an experience I should have in my life. I love my DS to bits but sometimes I feel I'm not cut out for motherhood. I do think I'm a good mum but sometimes I wish for my life pre-DS.

I left it quite late to have my first child so now I'm the "wrong" side of 30 I need to decide if I should have another child or not pretty sharpish and quite frankly we should have struggled to conceive due to medical conditions but he came along as soon as we started trying.

Part of me feels that having a second child doesn't come with the excitement having a first child brings. The whole first kicks, the wondering if every twinge is a contraction, the first shop for baby clothes etc etc

Another part of me feels cheated out of my birth experience as DS was c section and there's no guarantee DC2 would be a natural birth.

Part of me feels happy with 1, the other part feels that 1 or 2 more would be nice as it's more of a "family" environment but then I've grown up with a massive family so I don't know any different.

Financially we would be fine, but obviously with only 1 DC we would be fine-er.

Is having a 2nd as special as exciting as the first? Anyone else felt like this? What did you do?

Generally people don’t have a second child in order to experience pregnancy again, or repeat the excitement of the first pregnancy, or to get a particular birth experience. They do it because they want a second child.

It’s not clear if you want another child from your post. Forget about the pregnancy and birth experience. Do you want to have another child? Do you think you will be good parents to 2 children rather than 1 (2 children has a much bigger impact on your life than 1, life becomes totally child centred).

Have a second child only if you really want a second child, that's the important thing. The experience is secondary to that.

As for is it as exciting or special, obviously you've done it before so it's not quite the same voyage of discovery, but it's still wonderful.

It has to be about whether you want a second child. Pregnancy and child birth are not guaranteed to be exciting or easy or pleasant, to my mind they are means to an end and many women struggle with them for lots of reasons.

Two children are twice the work - at 1 & 3 mine have completely different needs (emotionally and practically) and I feel I can't always do the best job for each. You have to accept that it will be more complex and demanding with two.

Don't have a second child if it's just for the excitement of a second pregnancy / birth. This is a real person you're talking about bringing into the world. Only do it if you want the child not just the pregnancy.