How would you feel about going on a 3G holiday

Lardlizard · 2019-08-21T22:02:47+00:00

3 generations Kids parents and grandparents

WhoKnewBeefStew · 21/08/2019 23:06

All depends on the relationships with each one.

I'm on holiday at the moment, family abroad type and there are loads of 3 generation families here. I'd do it with my parents, no chance I could with dh parents - I'd be trying to drown myself before the week was out

EatenByDinosaurs · 22/08/2019 00:25

Wondered what 3G meant

No, I've been NC with my parents for many years, and DH was a foster care kid who was passed around loads of different homes, so we don't have a third generation.

Sounds like hell to me, and not something I'd want to do when our DC are grown and have their own DC either, DH and I plan to be backpacking around the world and back to doing adults only adventure type stuff.

Too many people = too much compromise = everyone getting resentful

Unless its a diving holiday, could easily do those as a multi generational thing.

WalkersAreNotTheOnlyCrisps · 22/08/2019 00:50

I do it once a year (his dad, 80+, my mum 60+, both widowed), we stay in a villa with my partner and children and my sister and her family.

We make sure we go on our own too though 😬

DramaAlpaca · 22/08/2019 00:58

We've done it a couple of times. Both were cruises, so we did our own thing with the DC during the day & got together with the grandparents in the evenings. It worked well. It was my parents, not the in-laws - I'd have struggled to cope with them DH is very easy going so manages to put up with my parents better than I can.

LightDrizzle · 22/08/2019 00:59

We’ve done it a handful of times with my mum and it hasn’t worked out too well.
She regards any pause in conversation as a problem to be fixed and when you are spending all day together for a week, it becomes exhausting. My daughter and I really welcome the chance to read by the pool for a couple of hours and that is seen as boring and unsociable.
She doesn’t really listen and monologues repetitively and it gets wearing.
The worst was when friends of ours came with us and stayed in another villa, they are lovely people but by the end of the week, you could see the panic in their eyes if they ended up next to mum in a bar or restaurant when we were all out as a group.
I think it can work well. I wish it had worked better for us. We gave it three goes. My husband reached boiling point last time and we decided we wouldn’t do it again.

Pipandmum · 22/08/2019 01:03

They’re dead now but we used to go visit my parents when they lived in Spain. As it was their house a bit different than going away with them. No tv or internet (my kids were small anyway) so we played bridge and talked in the evenings. It was pool or beach and a meal out most days. My husband got on great with my parents so worked really well (I couldn’t imagine going away with his parents as we just don’t have that kind of relationship!). However we all had our own rooms and bathrooms and were familiar with the area.

HarrietSchulenberg · 22/08/2019 01:03

We used to do it when children, and the rest of us, were all much younger and it was great fun.
Now kids are teens and grandparents are older and more curmudgeonly, it would not be fun.

rabbitsarefluffy · 22/08/2019 01:18

So long as you stay in a big enough space, everyone knows what's expected of them and you're not expected to spend every minute of the day together, it can definitely work.

Or it can go horribly horribly wrong.

MrsTerryPratchett · 22/08/2019 01:23

It's great as long as it's planned like a military operation. You need somewhere everyone has alone activities, everyone can live with the together stuff, doesn't have any red lines for anyone, and people know how to fucking suck it up.

So yes to it with my parents, sometimes with DH's DDad, but only if mine are also there. And never ever with SIL. Her

CarolDanvers · 22/08/2019 01:28

Can't imagine anything worse.

Spingtrolls · 22/08/2019 01:59

As a kid did it a lot. Aunts, uncles, cousins, grandparents and me.
Hated it.

As an adult? Haha mum lives on another planet. Would just leave her to get on with it and tolerate her whilst in the same room. Would have many thoughts of accidents and if the opportunity arose would help with an accident.

Dad would be abandoned at the airport. He would moan constantly about stuff in his life that I have nothing to do with.

If/when my dc’s have kids, we would get on. We’ve done 2g holidays already. But we enjoy each other’s company. Any clashes with their partners have been because I saw through the bs.

pumkinspicetime · 22/08/2019 02:06

We've done this. Works well with MIL and BIL, didn't work with my DM.
So I think it depends on the personalities involved.
Enough space and a mixture of family activities and time alone also helps ( and wine)
Hope to do it next year again.

forkfun · 22/08/2019 02:44

We do it once a year and love it! We never get to spend enough time together otherwise.

RubbingHimSweetly · 22/08/2019 04:52

We go with my parents and our dc frequently. We love it. Even dh says he feels he gets more time to relax as we can take shifts with making sure dc don't drown etc. Going later this year and can't wait.

SouthernLands · 22/08/2019 05:07

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

SoyDora · 22/08/2019 05:11

We’ve done it with PIL’s, my DM and DF and his wife. Always fine. Just not for more than a week.

Legomadx2 · 22/08/2019 05:38

Are you a journalist OP?

Odd post with no context given.

EmpressJewel · 22/08/2019 06:49

We've been on holiday with my mum and her partner a few times, plus my sister and her children.

It works for us because we stay in separate apartments and we all are free to do our own thing during the day and we eat together in the evening. There is no expectation to spend all day together.

Bliponthescreen · 22/08/2019 07:04

We did it a few times after my DF died. We took my DM (in her 70s at the time) on several holidays with us to the Caribbean, Spain and Turkey.
The holidays worked out fine. But it absolutely depends on the personalities involved. My DM isn’t an interfering/domineering sort and my DH is very laid back.
Interestingly, in Turkey, we were quite often stopped by locals who commented on how nice it was to see a 3G family on holiday together.
Also in Turkey, the hotel staff made a huge fuss of my DM - calling her ‘Mummy’ and giving her lots of attention. They were incredibly kind to her and she loved it there.

hughwhatascorcher · 22/08/2019 09:05

Just about to do it.
We are the GPs. Taking both kids and their partners plus 2 GC.
Will report back if we make it out the other side

PuppyMonkey · 22/08/2019 09:06

Thought this was going to be about giving up mobile phones for a week or two.

RippleEffects · 22/08/2019 09:23

We do this lots. Grandparents, sibbling plus family me plus my family.

Works well but there are some tensions that need to be managed. 5 children, one with significant needs, 1 younger than the core group. Different financial attitudes. Different alcohol attitudes.

I find that it works best if we all work out what the key things we each want are from the break and pre-agree the financials, not to the penny but roughly whats joint spending and what isnt.

We went to a ski resort. BIL wanted to go skiing, I wanted to go husky sledging (some had done it before), Granny wanted to keep warm, kids wanted to sledge, Grandpa likes to play building the fire. These core things could all easily be built into the holiday by working out which days would fit for ski sessions, dog sessions, booking accomodation that had views over the ski slope so Granny could watch from the warmth (actually with warm clothes she enjoyed the fresh air but it was her worry). We booked large enough accommodation we could have adult space, children could have adult free space and child with needs could have his own space.

Sibling and I divided up 2/3 catering so no one spent the week in the kitchen other meals we left free for people to eat out or cater at the accomodation.

We do summer breaks too, but this is in a catered hotel so as part of the deal we have an agreed evening meal time we all eat together. We breakfast together and have an hour or three together in the morning going on a stroll or to the beach. Afternoons do our own things - quite often end up together.

It's great for getting a bit of adult only time without it being like children are stuck with sitters, they barely notice because they're in their own space but with cousins and grandparents.

TeamUnicorn · 22/08/2019 09:53

We've just done it, though my family had a different property. My sister did stay with Mum and Dad though. It was fine and lovely.

The first week Mum and Dad also had their grandson and great grandson. (We were there their 2nd week)

Aroundtheworldin80moves · 22/08/2019 10:01

We've done it a few times, PILs, DN, and us plus our DC. It's mainly oriented around the children. PILs want to take DN on holiday, it's more fun for her with cousins, and this way all adults get child free time. Last year we went camping, and PILs stayed in BnB while we had children.
My DM wants to take us on holiday too. Not so sure about that because I think we live different things

LightDrizzle · 22/08/2019 10:10

I agree it probably works best if people feel free to dip in and out of communal activities without causing offence.
We’ve had success as 2g with my adult DD and her DP, but they/we are free to peel off to do stuff as a couple (although this rarely happens in fact) and certainly nobody gets upset if one of us is reading, or checking football results on their phone. Despite being oblivious to how relentless she can be, mum is incredibly sensitive herself to perceived slights etc. so we all tiptoe around her. If I suggested visiting the pencil museum at Keswick, DD1 and my DH would probably take the piss for at least 10 minutes and offer alternatives like gouging their own eyes out with teaspoons. However a failure to rhapsodise over the same suggestion from mum (nobody would take the piss) would be a huge rejection and lead to teary apologies for being “so boring” - she doesn’t believe this, she thinks we are boring.

I love the idea of 3G holidays and hope to have them in the future, we would be the GPs in that scenario and I hope I remember the problems we had with my own mum.
Dad would have been great and just buggered off to do his own stuff and joined in the rest. Unfortunately he died when my eldest was tiny.

Apologies to the Pencil Museum, it’s probably brilliant.