For those of you who know adults with high functioning ASD

[Tobythecat]

What are their lives like? Can they work, drive? Do they have a relationship? Do they live alone? If they don't work, what do they do? As someone with ASD i'm curious.

I know two people with ASD, both women. One can't work a paid job but volunteers once a week. Lives in a flat with her boyfriend, no kids. Can't drive. Has a somewhat active social life/goes to groups etc.
The other woman is married, two kids (both have asd). Doesn't work but has in the past, done a lot of studying and has two masters degrees. Can drive. Has a somewhat active social life.

Then there's me. Never had a job, can't drive, no kids, never had a relationship, have a degree and live alone. Have one or two friends and don't get out that much.

One computer engineer, struggles with people but has a boyfriend.

One librarian, has friends at work (very introverted friends) and one girlfriend once (who is married to a woman now). Lives alone happily.

Female friend - married to introverted man, kids, had high flying job but found it stressful, was SAHM, now working part time using her degree. Has decent friendship group. Have known her for decades, was hard when we were younger as she wasn't diagnosed and had mh issues and self esteen problems so could be hard to be around. She got happier, i met people with ASD and changed how I communicated with her. One of my closest friends in many ways.

Friend's son - job, partner, child. Relationship rambunctious due to his rigidity but also their age (pretty young). Generally v happy.

Sibling - job, hobbies, no close friends or partner but appears to be choice. Loves family events, very social and then needs time away. Happy.

My professional coach has an ASD; she’s brilliant at coaching as she just asks the questions without awkwardness and doesn’t give any opinions. She’s not phased by silence and doesn’t try to fill the gaps.
She’s happily married with an autistic son. She’s on a decent salary and is very well respected at work (coaching is an add on to her main job).

I know a couple of very successful ASD IT leads of quite large companies. They’re excellent at project management and very focussed.

@JanMeyer I agree. Talking about high functioning means that most people thinks those who are ‘high functioning’ don’t have major issues with day to day living.

From ‘the other side’ (aka the person living with the autistic person) it’s a nightmare too because there is somehow the expectation that I dint need to make that many allowances for him ‘because he can clearly cope’.

Having said that, I have a friend whose dc is ‘low functioning’ aka going to a special school, will never be independent etc... her DH is probably on the spectrum too (as her FIL) both of whom are ‘high functioning ‘ so they both hold down a job etc.... For her, there IS a difference in the level of disability and how much this is affecting the people close to her. It’s not the same to deal with someone who isn’t independent and someone who can hold a job etc....
Where it’s more controversial for me are cases such as the OP who has been able to get a degree, can live independently but has degree of ‘impairment’ (is that the right word??) that isn’t negligeable.

I definitely don't class my impairment as negligible. My life is extremely restricted and I really struggle and have to take medication just to hold down a very part time job (18 hrs a week). I think about dying all the time and won't make older age for sure.

Dh told sil and mil that I had been diagnosed with aspergers and they just ignored it and continued to make the usual demands. People think that if you only tried harder then you'd be okay. People don't make those demands on people who are 'lower functioning' although I accept that, for the carers, lower functioning people present more challenges. I take responsibility for my autism due to my level of functioning, but the stress falls onto me rather than anyone else.

I feel sad when people think it's just about being quirky or odd and that we're okay really. We're not, we just go to great lengths to conceal it.

Fully agree @pottedshrimps

My sister. She is very intelligent and has a very high level, well paid job that is very details based. She has recently taken on a management position with a team of people; I worry she will struggle more with this. Has a small group of friends she has made over the last few years based on love of particular authors, probably the first time in her life she has had proper friends. Has a long distance relationship with another woman who she met online (who is definitely real ha). Tried to learn to drive as a teenager but struggled and gave up. Needs lots of alone time, for example never does anything on a sunday or she feels she won't be ready for work on a monday. Still struggles with changes of plans or anything unexpected.

My stepbrother. Obsessive bellringer. Has a long term long distance relationship also. Can drive, has a flat, and a steady well paid job.

Both doing well, both very clearly on the spectrum when you meet them. Both really really struggled during adolescence but have come out the other side.

I have a friend with a formal diagnosis. She works as a full time teacher, lives alone and has a boyfriend. She's loads of fun, and is very open about her autism because she knows she needs help in understanding some situations.

My dd1 is 19 and waiting for an assessment. She has some mental health issues, but is going to uni in a few weeks, with the plan to get her degree and get a decent job at the end of it. She will get some support from university disability services, and the family will support her too. Communication is her main difficulty, so I do a lot of that for her, dealing with anybody "official".

My brother has never been diagnosed, but it is absolutely clear that he would meet the diagnostic criteria if he pursued an assessment. He has a degree and a job, but still lives with our parents in his 40s, probably always will. He's never had a romantic relationship and we doubt he ever will, but he seems happy like that. I do worry about what will happen when my parents become too old to look after themselves/him as he doesn't seem to be able to take care of household tasks for himself, let alone for them as well.

I’ve been told I’ve highly likely got high functioning autism .

I don’t have many friends and no close friends, because I can’t maintain relationships well . I don’t know how to do it , how to talk about things that people find interesting .

I have lived independently and worked full time, but when I pushed myself further I had a breakdown . I’m a very, very anxious person and often unhappy and lonely - I feel very insecure much if the time and as if I’m lacking something the rest of the world has .

I have agogrophic tendencies - going out terrifies me especially getting further away from home, not having a routine frightens me (eg going out at night , holidays, being at a friends house) .

I get very rigid interests and ideas and fix on things for a long time , and obsess sometimes .

I also have people I feel very safe around and can be too clingy - drive people away almost ?

But I have had times where I’ve been happy and felt normal , when I was working for example I felt great then .

I hide my issues as I don’t feel anyone has time for it , pretend I’m fine - then it comes out in bursts of panic attacks , self harm and anger , which isn’t good at all .

I have Aspergers. I'm married with two (soon to be 3) DC and have a full-time job. I can't drive but that's because I've always lived in cities and never had any need to learn, I'm reasonably confident I'd be capable of learning if needed.

My job is one with a high level of autonomy and where - to a large extent - I'm in control of where and how I work, which helps massively.

I woke with someone else with ASD and his role is very different to mine: very-based on routine and structure which suits him perfectly.