Help me overcome dental phobia please - and any experience of private dentists referring to specialist community services?

[KickUpTheArse82]

NC for this as I’m so embarrassed

My teeth are a mess. Like, really embarrassing. This combined with a very severe dental phobia has prevented me from seeing a dentist for 8 years.

When I lived in London, I broke a molar and it really hurt. A friend recommended a dentist who was really good with her phobia so I went. I threw up in the waiting room due to the absolute terror. I can’t explain it. The amazing dentist didn’t even make me sit in the chair. She referred me to the hospital where I had everything including cleaning done under IV sedation. It was absolutely miraculous.

Shortly afterwards due to health issues I had to leave my job and move away from London. Over the next couple of years, the molar repair broke, then another molar on the other side broke too. I’ve also got three impacted wisdom teeth which sporadically cause pain.

I’ve asked everyone I know if they can recommend a kind dentist - not one recommendation. Scoured the Internet for dentists who take on nervous patients but can only find private ones that do this. They go out of their way, will even meet you off site... but I can’t afford private dental treatment.

Locally it seems only private dentists offer sedation. And it’s hundreds of pounds just for the sedation alone, before the cost of treatment.

I am having awful pain that comes and goes, and both sides / broken molars are effected. The spells of pain last anywhere from a couple of hours to three days (when I think one of my wisdom teeth was on the move). The other night the pain woke me up and was excruciating for a few hours then there was bleeding from one of my broken teeth, then the pain went. I suspect I had an abscess that burst

The pain is bad enough but I also know how dangerous this can be. The fact that I’ve been putting up with this for so long knowing all this should tell you how bad my phobia is. I start panicking and crying at just the thought of calling a dentist. I’m crying just typing this.

Ive found that there is a community dental service for adults with additional needs and, in some cases, severe dental phobia. You’re supposed to be referred by a dentist but that means seeing a dentist and what if they refuse to refer me?

It does say on their website:
“If you are not registered with a dentist and you feel you have a physical, medical or mental condition that is creating a barrier to your accessing adequate dental care, then please contact our Single Point of Access” then a phone number

I am worried though that they’ll just tell me to piss off as I don’t have any diagnosed mental health condition or anything. The anxiety about having to explain what a pathetic wimp I am is stopping me from making the call.

I was thinking, if I saw one of the private dentists who specialise in nervous patients, would they refer to something like this? Or just say no because they could do sedation?

I know you probably think I’m absolutely pathetic, and stupid, and disgusting for letting things get this bad. I know, I really do. Ironically I’m quite brave about a lot of things but when it comes to needles and especially dental treatment, I am absolutely unable to be rational. I had a really traumatic medical experience involving very large needles three years ago and since then it has been even worse.

Please help me make this call. I don’t know what to do. I know I need to sort it before I end up losing my jaw or getting sepsis or something, just because I’m too scared to see a dentist. How fucking stupid. I know it is.

Please call the number. If you need referral a good private dentist will do it. Explain situation to them.
My eldest has needle phobia and had to be referred to community dental clinic for a tooth to be removed. She hates herself, thinks she is weak and tries so hard, but watching her try and do mind over body break my heart. You can’t help it. You not wimp. Lots of people have this and dentists know that and understand.

Take friend with you. Daughter almost break my hand, holding on to me. Maybe you need friendly person with you?

I am terrible at the dentist. I cry in the chair, don't go for ages, refuse treatment, can't listen to anyone talk about dentists etc.

I had a cracked molar that had to be removed and I asked for sedation. Without any quibbles it was done on the NHS and I hardly paid anything for it.

I am actually crying trying this out so I know how upsetting it is to even think of going to the dentist. Find a sympathetic NHS one.

typing not trying.

No I don't think you are pathetic, stupid or disgusting. Would you pass that judgement on someone else with the same issue?
Ok so you know it's irrational, overwhelming, but you also know that you need to get this work done for your own health. You know that you are going to feel anxious to the point of vomiting, you'll want to run away, you'll be a mess, you will feel vulnerable. You don't want to ring up and admit that you are struggling with this to the extent that you are.
Can you accept that anxiety is a mental health condition? And it's nothing to be ashamed of, most of us have a degree of anxiety and it manifests in different ways. You have just found yours. So that's a positive thing really. And it will be hard to talk about it, but you know that you need to, because you know that this work needs doing. You are in pain because of your avoidance of the appointment and it's time to look after yourself and ease that pain by facing the pain of your anxiety. Any dentist will see anxiety, probably on a daily, hourly basis. They are not phased by it. They accept that most of us are terrified. Some of them are better at empathising with us than others. What do you think you need to go through with this? Please get it sorted. I hate the dentist. I go, I feel shit, I dread what they will find, and then it is done until the next time. This on repeat. I don't know anyone who enjoys going. But it's something we have to do.

Thank you everyone. I didn’t call today ask woke up and it was fine, and tonight it’s even worse. I have to call in the morning. I don’t know how but I have to. Thank you for talking some sense into me.

I’m just hoping that the community service will listen and be able to see me soon. Otherwise I’m going to have to call round and try to get in anywhere which really scares me as who knows who I will get!

If anyone is reading this, could I have some thoughts on my options?

Seems I have two options this morning: call the specialist community dental service and ask if they’ll accept a self referral because I don’t have a dentist, or call round local dentists trying to find someone who can see me ASAP.

The community dental service will only take a self referral if I don’t have a dentist and I have physical or mental health conditions preventing me from accessing a dentist. This service is the only way I can access treatment under sedation. My concern is they may tell me I don’t qualify, or that I do but there’s a giant waiting list.

If I call round other dentists I may get seen today / tomorrow but could be bad, I could see someone horrible / lacking empathy etc. Once I’ve registered I can no longer self refer to the specialist service. The dentist could refer me to have the treatment I need under sedation but they may not.

I don’t know what to do for the best and I’m on the verge of a serious panic attack just trying to gear up to call.

What would you do?

I think you should just call. Think about what you want to say beforehand

You won’t know what they will say until you call
Realistically I think there may be a waiting list as their first priority are people with learning difficulties and such

You’re not alone. I’ve dealt with many many nervous people over the years it’s very common and not at all pathetic or silly
But yes do call.
You can do this

Once you’ve called them. You’ll know whether it’s quicker to phone round local dentists or not
When/if you do that then tell the receptionist that you’re very very nervous

Being open about it helps - from our side of the coin. Nervousness can look like aggression sometimes ( understandably) or anger
If we know your nervous before you arrive we prefer that ( well I do) and you can be prescribed Valium for treatment. Or you can ask for a gel to numb the gum before a local anaesthetic- or both
You can work with the dentist to do the most urgent thing first
You’re going to be fine

Hello. Call number say you have no dentist due to severe dental phobia which you have had all your life. Say you are desperate and only called because your teeth are broken and bleeding, you are in severe pain constantly.
Even if you do not qualify for self-refer they should advise you on friendly nice dentist that does referrals for phobic patients quickly.

You need find friendly dentist anyway. Our dentist know & seen daughters needle phobia. it in her records so she can get referral for rest of life with no hassle. You need dentist like that who you can trust and see for years and years. Think of relief.

If you cannot call, can relative or friend call for you and do talking?

Okay, I called them - they were lovely but they said they can’t take self referrals and I need to call 111 and they can arrange for me to see an emergency dentist and I should ask them to refer me.

Now trying to a) stop crying and b) find the courage to call 111.

That website describes your circumstances and tells you to call their single point of access. So do it. The spa will probably ask you some questions about how the phobia has affected you, which you've outlined very clearly here. It will be fine.

If they say you need a diagnosis of dental phobia (unlikely) then you wouldn't get that from a dentist anyway. Dental phobia is not a dental condition, it is a mental health condition. In the longer term you might want to investigate local services such as Talking Therapies / IAPT / whatever they're called near you. Most services will let you self refer but some might want a referral from your GP.

X-post.

Well done for calling the spa. Now call 111. It's just a phone call. You're not going to get hurt.

As a child, we had a notoriously bad children's dentist, it put me off going as an adult. But I found, as long as they can anethetise the area, which they do, there will be no pain.

I don't find the anaesthetic needle to be painful, just suck it up for a few seconds and then anything they do to you will be totally painless.

Your gp can give you diazepam (Valium) to take before a dental procedure, if you are very nervous. Take it and be brave. Don't put it off, because, if you have a problem, it won't get better on its own.

Dental pain is far worse than the treatment imo.

Good luck! You will be fine. 💐

I have a dental phobia too and needed to see a dentist. I got a referral to the company community dental service via my GP. You could try that. I have since been taken off their list because all my teeth were sorted out and they’ve cut down on people that can use the service so I need to find a dentist, I researched local dentists websites and have found one that tells you all about the staff and they have one that specialises in Helping anxious patients so I’m going to try them, good luck. Hope you get it sorted soon. It’s horrible to have bad pain,

Ive looked and looked for a local dentist that even mentions nervous patients on their website and none of them do.

Years ago DH needed an emergency dentist due to an abscess and he had to call 111 - they sent him to someone who was really brutal, he’s not scared of dentists at all but even he was too scared to go to one after that. I’m really frightened of where they’re going to send me.

Every time I try to call I can’t breathe - it’s absolutely ridiculous, it’s only a phone call, not the treatment. It’s like I have no control over my body. I’m trying so hard to just pull myself together.

It’s not even the pain of treatment that scares me, I don’t even know what specifically it is - the whole thing really. I’m terrified of the needles, but it’s jusy everything - the smell, the chair, fingers in my mouth, that little hook they stick into your teeth...

Make sure to tell 111 you have dental phobia.

I hate everything about dentists too... I managed to get accepted by the Community team because I have a diagnosed mental health condition, but it was a 19 month wait for sedation, so I found a private dentist and explained how nervous I was to reception (via email because I couldn't bring myself to phone). They've been great, I can't fault them. I'm still scared to death, but they've been great.

111 will be able to find you the nearest option that can see you; or you could just phone private dentists and ask them about nervous patients? You can always end the call if they don't sound supportive. It's not fun, but once you've done it, you'll be one step closer to getting help.

You need to phone 111 and make an emergency appointment. When you see the dentist they will probably need to have a quick look, but they're not going to do anything without your permission. They will be able to offer advice and refer you.
After you've had the sedation you do really need to look after your teeth, and the best person to give you help with brushing and diet advice will be your regular dentist. That way, hopefully, you'll never need another filling!

Anchor how much does the sedation cost you? I could only find one site that listed costs and it was £980 on top of treatment costs. I think I’m going to need root canal treatment, and I don’t think my teeth can be saved so two extractions... maybe they could do bridges, maybe not. I don’t care about them being gone aesthetically, they’re second to last teeth at the back so most of the time no one would know. Not sure if it would stop me eating though? To be fair I can only eat on one side of my mouth now and that’s the side that currently hurts.

I’m taking a break from trying to call - can’t go anywhere now anyway as I need to go and pick kids up in an hour. DH can take over this afternoon so will call when we get home.

Ring round your local NHS dentists, speak to the practise manager each time and explain that you need a referral but are too nervous to have an examination. It's a matter of finding a sympathetic one but I managed it when DH was in the same boat as you, they agreed to see him for a chat (no examination) and provide the referral. There was a wait for the sedation clinic but I don't know of any quicker way other than to pay privately. Is there anyone who could ring round for you? Total sympathy btw, I'm as bad as DH and haven't been for nearly 20 years

You're not alone, I know lots of people who are referred to specialist dental services because of their fear.
Do you have a local school of dentistry near you? Yes that's where undergrad student dentists train, they see the very basic stuff under supervision, but I know ours also has actual dentists who are completing post grads in Oral and maxillofacial surgery or endodontics. I had the most unreal complicated emergency dental treatment by one. They were amazing. I wasn't sedated but I had the lidocaine gel first, felt nothing after. Not a thing. And bring ear phones so you can listen to music or an audio book. Get your GP to prescribe you a diazepam too maybe?

I had a period of a few years where I didn’t look after my teeth at all. I was really ill (physically) and pretty much housebound, too fatigued to brush my hair, brush my teeth, take care of myself at all. I take care of them now but the damage is already done. I’m so ashamed of it, which is making it even harder to go. They’re going to think I’m disgusting and I wouldn’t want to have to root around in my horrible mouth.

I suspect I need to have at least two of my three wisdom teeth out and multiple fillings on top of the two broken teeth... it’s awful. What a mess. It would be much easier to find the courage if I weren’t so ashamed of the state I’ve gotten myself into. I don’t know how often dentists see people like this - maybe it’s more common than I realise. I don’t know.

I have just sent a Facebook message to a practice round the corner who have good reviews online from a few nervous patients - it would help me so much to have the conversation if they’re already primed and I’m not going in cold. It’s a long shot though as they probably won’t see it in the next hour and I’ll have to call anyway.

Thanks for listening to my ramblings - it is helping to say all these things as I’ve kept all my worries and shame to myself for years. The fact I managed to make a call this morning is a big step forward. I had a bout of pain that lasted days a few months ago and even that didn’t get me to call.