How Can I Help DD Over Rapist Close Friend

[RockinHippy]

DD16 has been acting up to me badly for some months now & as such I knew there was something deeper going on with her that she was taking out on me.

Ive been trying to get to the bottom of this, plus fractured friendships for some time as I had a strong feeling something bad had happened & that she needed help. She's just broken down in tears on me & blurted it all out & it's knocked me for 6 to put it mildly.

Turns out the lad also 16, who has been DDs close male friend for several years & has been here in her bedroom as a friend & she's met frequently on his own as he's not part of her main friendship group raped her close female friend at a party when she was drunk. Having already been turned down by him several times during the course of the evening, so he absolutely knew it was rape & did it anyway. Girls family got involved & went to see his family rather than go to the police & they pretty much laughed at them as it's "just what boys do" Girls didn't want to go to the police after that as she felt minimised & wouldn't be believed as she was passed out drunk.

Months later, DD is still clearly in shock, feels responsible that it happened as they met through her. She also feels very shaken that she couldn't see this was what her male friend was really like & has been in very vulnerable situations with him many times over because she trusted him not to be a rapist.

I feel this is bigger than I can deal with in my own & that she needs help not to be badly affected by this & the guilt she feels, but I don't know where to go fir help as local CAHMs etc has been an absolute waste of time for other things she badly needed help with (health related)

What can we do for her ☹️

That's horrific, I think all you can do at the moment is be there for her. Baby steps. Your daughter is not responsible for this. I hope the poor friend finds the strength to report him

Thank you,

Yes that's what I'm doing, but I'm hoping there some sort of related counselling I can access fo,r her as her wanting to bottle it up, plus the very real tears some months later, when she just isn't a cryer is a worry.

I always felt the lad was a wrongun, did my nut when I found out she'd hung out in a derelict house with him to keep out of the rain, as it felt like way too vulnerable a position to put herself in & she was thought I was way OTT for thinking "all boys are potential rapists", which I generally don't & he's not like that. I'm still shocked at how bad this is though

Try Rape Crisis, I hope they'll point you in the right direction.

This must be awful for you all.

That's a good idea Marvellous, I hadn't thought of that & will give them a ring later when DD has gone out so I can talk more freely with them without embarrassing her. Thank you

Was also going to suggest Rape Crisis