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Original poster

If you knew when you where younger what you know now, would you have more or less kids or the same ?

55 replies

Lardlizard · 19/08/2019 18:58

And what other major life choice would you do differently or the same

I’d probably would have bought a larger house as a first purchase as houses went up in price to ridiculous levels

OP posts:

NameChange84 · 19/08/2019 20:22

I’m 35 and childless. I would have made a more conscious effort to date and meet someone so I could have been married by 30 and started a family. I would have loved to have had 3 kids by now and have my family complete.

Now I don’t know if will happen at all.

teachermam · 19/08/2019 20:29

More kids

teachermam · 19/08/2019 20:35

I'm now trying for a third but I'm 39 and it's not happening
Problems in marriage put a stop to trying couple of years back
I'm sadder then I thought I'd be about it not happening

JuniLoolaPalooza · 19/08/2019 20:38

I have two DC with a 3.5 year age gap. I am finding it extremely hard at the moment and wish they were closer in age. I had a dreadful time having my DD and couldn't face it for ages.
I wish I'd had them younger but that was out of my control (pregnancy loss then difficulties conceiving).

dairymilkmonster · 19/08/2019 20:41

I wanted to be a doctor. I am a doctor. I might not have done it if I'd realised it is not medical school then 'doctor' but 6yrs university followed by 2yrs junior rotations then 6-8yrs specialty training beyond that. 36 currently, hoping to make consultant before 40! In addition to our clinical work we have to be teachers, researchers, managers and jump endless other hurdles for the yearly appraisal. Hard hard work. I do love the clinical work though.

I have two dc, boys, 4 yrs apart. If I could rewind I would have started my family several yrs later, as my career has been seriously adversely affected and it has led to depression.

I also wish I'd known I have no natural mothering in me, so havinf kids was going to be one looooonnnnnng stressful nightmare. There are wondersful moments , but not enough. Things have been made harder by ds1 having some additional needs.

Really lucky to have an amazing brilliant husband. No regrets there.

Atlasta · 19/08/2019 20:41

I'd have used my degree and got on the career ladder straight after graduating.
I didn't and have drifted through low paid jobs not really having any insight into what I really want to do. Feels a waste.
I have two DC, a boy and a girl 18 months apart. I wouldn't change that. Feel very lucky.

SimonJT · 19/08/2019 20:42

I wouldn’t have become a parent, he could have found a better family (in family adoption) elsewhere, with me he’ll never have siblings, mum, grandparents etc, so he will be very isolated family wise unless he has a family himself as an adult.

Winter2019 · 19/08/2019 20:45

Would've studied as I have no qualifications. And would not have moved to live so close to in-laws who at the time seemed like most wonderful people 😏

juicy0 · 19/08/2019 20:46

@letsdolunch321 exactly the same for me. Only thing is that one is about to go off to uni and I'm thinking maybe I should have had more!!

Winter2019 · 19/08/2019 20:48

Forgot to add, got dd 3, currently pregnant with second. No regrets but sometimes worry how me and hubby will manage or have some private time as we get no help at all :(

GreeboIsMySpiritAnimal · 19/08/2019 20:51

I'd have started a couple of years earlier, so I'd have time for three instead of just two, and I've have got on the property ladder earlier - bought a flat in London, so that we could have upsized to a bigger family home sooner.

And I've had learned to drive sooner - didn't pass my test till I was 7 months pregnant with my second!

ThroughThickAndThin01 · 19/08/2019 20:51

Would have had our dc when we were younger. We could have, we have been together aged 25. Have always felt an older parent, and have lacked energy with my teenagers.

letsdolunch321 · 19/08/2019 20:52

juicy0 .... University done, both are leading their own lives. Now I have my life back - it is all good.

Best wishes to your dc going to University 😁

missmouse101 · 19/08/2019 20:55

Wouldn't have married. Wouldn't have had children.

NancyJoan · 19/08/2019 20:56

Would not have moved out of London, probably wouldn’t have had kids. Or at least would have had them at 38 not 28.

ohcarriemathison · 19/08/2019 20:56

I feel like I would do so many things differently.
I would have studied harder at school and went to uni sooner.
Had my DD when I was 21 then went to uni which was a hard way to do it.
Was really naive and had DD with an absolute waste of space and it kills me seeing him now treating her the way he treated me.

Have a big gap between oldest and 2nd & 3rd child which I wish I didn't.
Would have waited a little bit and had 3 together.
Also wish I'd bought a flat when younger and got on the property market.
Also since I've been to uni and worked I've realised there were so many more exciting jobs I could have done but as I already had a DC I felt I should play or safe.

hidinginthenightgarden · 19/08/2019 21:00

I have one miracle birth child and one adopted. Both desperatley wanted but some days I feel I could have had a happy life with none.
Other days, like today, when I woke up without them and spent the whole day thinking about them, I don't think I would change a thing.

hidinginthenightgarden · 19/08/2019 21:01

Also, I often think I should have had mine later (was 23 with DS) but DH was infertile by 30 so we never would have had DS.

ragged · 19/08/2019 21:04

Never should have got married. I am so not cut out to be married.
No marriage would have limited me to 1 child. Which would have been ok.
I'm sure I'd find some self-pity about it all, if things had gone another way, so really you can never get it perfect.

Cantdoright1 · 19/08/2019 21:09

I would have started trying for kids much earlier. We started when I was 34 and found we had a male fertility issue. We finally had a son and daughter through years and years of IVF but im now 45 with a 6 year old and a 2 year old. I would have loved 4 kids but we ran out of time. I also hate being an older mum. Yes I have money to be at home but I have no energy and the noise is too much most of the time. Im ready for ramblers and afternoon tea and I have a toddler!

bananasandwicheseveryday · 19/08/2019 21:11

Like a couple of others, I would have had children sooner if I could guarantee they'd be the DCs I already have. As it was, we waited until we were financially 'ready' but then a sequence of unforeseeable events meant we struggled for many years. Having children sooner would also mean they got to know my lovely FIL who sadly died without knowing he was going to be a grandparent. I think the relationship between us and MIL would have been very different if he'd still been here when the DCs were born.
Other than that, I don't think there's much I would change, nothing big, anyway.

justwonderingifi · 19/08/2019 21:23

I wanted more. Still do. But I'm not with the girls father and my partner of 8 years had a vasectomy many years ago. Growing up I had an elder brother and we were not close at all, and still aren't. I felt incredibly lonely. I wanted a sister. So I'm overjoyed that I have two girls. They're 3.5 years apart which has its challenges as they don't always see eye to eye, and the youngest still wants to play whereas her sister wants to do makeup tutorials 😳. I can only hope they're close when they're older, that they have each other, and that they don't grow up wishing they had more siblings.

HazelBite · 19/08/2019 21:39

I'm in my 60's and if I had my time again, I would dig my heels in and insist that I go to university (there was no parental encouragement or support)
I only intended to have 2 DC's (a boy and a girl) I ended up with four sons (3rd pregnancy twins).

snowone · 19/08/2019 21:49

I've just had my second DC at 37 with a 4.5 year age gap. I wish I'd met my DH sooner so that I could have had DC sooner, it's been so much harder this time.....but I do like the age gap!

Wehttam · 19/08/2019 22:04

I’m 36 male gay and childless. At no point did I want children so I’m pleased to say no regrets there. I have a neice and nephew who I adore because I can hand them back to my sister.

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