Returning to work

[Kungfupanda67]

I’m going back to work next week after maternity leave. I’ve got 3 children, one at infant school and two at nursery. 3 days a week I’ll be home just in time for bed time, 1 day a week I work school hours so will be home from 3.30.

I’m worried about how we’re going to cope! Not about housework, my husband pulls his weight and does what needs doing when he sees it, as do I. At the moment I do everything organisational, for the house and for the kids, the car, bills, birthday parties, school forms and trips and payments. I’ve got to find a new cleaner for when I’m back and make sure she knows what to do, I also always do the food shop. I know the ‘fairest’ way is to split the organisation, but even the fact that I’m the one thinking about splitting It just feels like an extra job - how do you split yours? How do you split it when most of it is stuff he doesn’t even know exists?!

Any tips for going back to work and managing it all?

You could have planned in the past few months, rather than leave it to the last week. Now you are in this situation I would suggest writing regular 'to do' lists and dividing work up. Initially get through every week at a time, eventually it will become normality.

Something I did before I even had a baby, and it depends on your job, but home admin done during breaks at work.

@Chocmallows I’m unexpectedly going back. Wasn’t planning on returning just yet, which I think is why I’m in a bit of a panic.

@Chocmallows and I also don’t think I realised how bad it was until I was sat on the iPad a couple of weeks ago and he asked what I was actually doing because he wanted to put a film on. When I said I was transferring money to the tax free childcare account, paying nursery, paying for milk for school, finalising a birthday party booking for my middle son and ordering a present for one of their friend’s parties he looked at me like I had 3 heads 😂

If you have a cleaner plus DH doing his share then surely there can’t be much left to do. An online shop can be done at lunch and school/house admin takes minutes a week.

My house and school admin doesn’t take minutes each week! I also only get 20 minute lunch breaks so not a great deal can be done then (apart from actually eating my lunch)

My husband pulls his weight in that he’ll put washing on, wash up, dry up, tidy stuff but he would never think to change the bedding, or clean the bathroom. The cleaner will hoover, clean the bathroom and the kitchen, plus whatever occasional stuff might need doing. She won’t do everything though, things like cleaning the kitchen cupboard doors or the windows won’t be done.

I will have one day at home that he doesn’t have, but I have a 2 year old and a 9 month old and I do like to take them out occasionally too

Chocmallows- how is that helpful or kind?!

OP there are tonnes of great apps; shared calendars and the like to split the load between you and DH

Good luck - you’ll be fine

Tbh OP I Found I was MORE organized once I went back to work (I’m a teacher) I invested in a good family wall planner and obviously a diary planner for myself with a meal planner and tear out shopping list section!! It’s great!!

Shared phone calendars are a good idea - that would mean he would see the Viking day on Tuesday or whatever and be equally responsible.

I definitely need to start meal planning - I cook 90% of the time, which is why I also do the shopping. There’s no need to meal plan because I know what we’ve got and roughly what meals I can do from it. Meal planning might help with getting him to cook some nights if he knows it’s his night and what he’s cooking

Sometimes it’s handy to meal plan and have it up on the wall just Incase you get held up at work/extra curricular activities/traffic etc then he knows what to get started. If you do the cooking then that’s great, do you have a slow cooker? They are great for busy days/when you’re tired etc.

@Youngandfree yes I do but I don’t use it often, just for stews really. I’ll get researching some slow cooker recipes.

It’s weird because I didn’t feel like this when I went back with my second. It just seems that 3 kids is so much more and now one’s at school there’s 3 different sets of childcare and all the random stuff that comes with school (like Viking day 🙄) and he does loads of extra curricular stuff now it just feels like there’s so much more to do!

Make a list that's accessible to both of you. Put on it anything that needs sorting. Inform your OH that he has as much responsibility as you do for both adding to the list and clearing things off the list.

Make sure he has the names of all your doctors, dentists, schools, etc. He can look up the numbers himself.

I’ve got to find a new cleaner for when I’m back and make sure she knows what to do, I also always do the food shop

Step one. Ask your OH whether wants to find the new cleaner or do the food shop.

Thanks @drsausage I think that’s key, that he is as responsible as I am for adding to the list as well as clearing it. I need him to find the things to do / realise they are things that need doing, as well as actually doing some of them!