Is this normal 6yo behaviour or is it something more

[AdmiralButterfly]

My ds is 6 and generally pretty brilliant - well behaved at school, makes friends easily, etc. He has a pita younger sibling who pushes his buttons but it takes a lot to make him fight back. He also likes to to play by himself for long periods of time - lovely imaginative games with characters etc using playmobil people or lego but this doesn't;t worry me as he likes playing with his siblings or friends too. But when he fixates on something it is like his brain gets stuck - usually this is something in a shop but could just be wanting another biscuit or to go to the park. He will talk about it, convinced himself it is owed him, start whining and just not snap out of it however many times he is told no or has the reasons why not explained to him. It is literally like his brain gets stuck. It can sometimes take a good half an hour or more to move him on from it. Is this just normal or something developmentally we need to look into it. I have two other kids and they have never done this - I mean they want things of course, but they don't get absolutely stuck on it.

How do you rezact when he fixates on something?

How does he behaves when you say no?

My kid is the same.

You call it fixation. I call it whinging. Persistent whinging.

Normal and annoying!

We react by repeating our no and the reasons why and trying distraction. Neither work.

Normal. If the fixation lasts for days that’s something else, but half an hour? Nothing to worry about!

Have you tried the hard approach?

"i said no and if you ask one more time then I'm putting your other toy/sweets back/we're going straight home/I'm not buying you anything else for the rest of the week/whatever " and follow through?

Yes it's good for kids to explain why and rationalise things and try to reason with them.

They also need to know that sometimes no means no,it's not a debate ,it's final and they need to get over it.

More than being fixated he probably sees all the cajoling and explanations and answers to "but whyyyyy" as a negotiation.

Do you ever give in?

My DN is like this. What works is just saying no, and the reasons behind that no, once in a firm no-nonsense tone. If she keeps wingeing it’s ignored. This has improved things a lot because I never ignore what she says otherwise.

My 5 year old is a bit like this. It’s like she just can’t let it go. Drives me insane!

My similar aged DD can be like this. It can be so incessant, eventually she does wear us down sometimes, which we hate but we are only human. (And we know this only reinforces that if she whines enough we will give in.)

I have taken to speaking to her about the behaviour in calm moments after. Reminding her that while she is fixated on the thing she isn't getting, she is missing out on all the fun she could be having with all the stuff she does have. One example I used was of a day out to the aquarium when she whinged the whole way round about a toy she saw in a shop earlier that day. But I talked to her about it the next day when the toy was forgotten and said how sad it was that she didn't pay attention to the fish because she was moaning about the toy.

I really have noticed an improvement. Now if she starts, I say, "remember what we talked about, about thinking about all the lovely things you do have" and she does still huff a bit, but the whining stops quicker than before.

This approach probably works with some kids and not others, but may be worth a try?

Oh I will try that Glitterpearl. And yes sometimes we too are worn down, and other times we have better resolve. But it is not just things in shops, can be about bedtime or taking the ball to the park etc

Yer, six year olds demand but cannot reason. I have one here.