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Original poster

Do you ever think that no one worries about you?

16 replies

putthesneckon · 18/08/2019 22:46

I worry a lot about my dad who is recently bereaved
I worry about DC, their life choices, their happiness, their health
I worry about DH who is very stressed at work

Who worries about me? I think my dad does a little but that's it! It makes me sad.

is anyone else in the same situation?

OP posts:
sweetkitty · 18/08/2019 22:50

Apart from DH and the DC no one really, we kind of live in our own little bubble. I’m sure if we disappeared off the face of the earth no one would really notice. I’m fed up trying to connect with the little family we have and being rejected.

Original poster
putthesneckon · 18/08/2019 22:52

sweetkitty, us too but i don't think DH nor DC worry about me. DC are young adults so old enough to ask 'are you ok?' but never do.

OP posts:
Rachelover40 · 18/08/2019 23:12

Yes, I have felt like that. I know if I was suddenly no more, life would go on for others. It doesn't actually bother me much though, I'm independent.

sweetkitty · 18/08/2019 23:16

@putthesneckon are you Scottish my any chance your username is a Scottish phrase? We live an hour from our hometown and I can’t remember the last time we were there visiting family, SIL makes excuses for us not to visit, other SIL well I’ve not seen her in years, my brother still makes an effort now and again and I see his DC but not really close. Honestly maybe after a month someone might ask where we were.

Flower777 · 18/08/2019 23:18

I don’t really want people to worry about me? Unless I have kinda misunderstood the meaning?

My mum worries about me but she doesn’t need to!

Original poster
putthesneckon · 18/08/2019 23:23

Flower, maybe 'worry' is too strong a word. I don't want them to worry about time but i don't think they consider me, my needs nor my thoughts.

Sweetkitty, no not Scottish but it a phrase from my region too ... NE England

OP posts:
Banjodancer · 18/08/2019 23:25

Now that my mum is gone I've often felt that way OP.

Flower777 · 18/08/2019 23:41

Oh right, so yeah I misunderstood the meaning.

I understand now. That sounds hard. I also don’t have that many people like that in my life.

Hecateh · 19/08/2019 00:04

Was having this conversation with my daughter in law earlier.

She work for a company who collect bodies and take them to the morgue, when they are discovered 'dead' as opposed to 'having just died'. and she was saying she can't understand how it is sometimes days before it is noticed that someone is dead.

I have 2 DC, (1DD and 1DS - my DIL's partner). My DIL is in touch with me on a far more regular basis than either my DD or DS and I said that if anything happened, it would be her rather than my own kids that raised the alarm.

I am fit and healthy and there is little imminent danger, but I am mid 60s so who knows.

In some ways it is comforting to know that, although I may be missed, it isn't going to affect anyone on a day to day basis, so when I decide it is time to go then I don't have to worry either.

stephstrops · 19/08/2019 23:23

Yes. I had to give a next of kin emergency contact at work recently and realised I don’t have one

ComtesseDeSpair · 19/08/2019 23:42

I know my mum worries about me, and I actually find that difficult because I can’t do anything to stop her worrying, iyswim, as the things she worries about are things I don’t want to change or don’t have the capacity to change! Apart from her there’s nobody else and I find that quite freeing.

It doesn’t mean I’m not cared for and wouldn’t be missed a bit if I was gone, as I’m sure s handful of people would - just that day-to-day the relationships I have with people are such that we aren’t terribly emotionally intertwined.

ComtesseDeSpair · 19/08/2019 23:49

But, you might also actually be surprised at the level of care and concern those around you have for you. Maybe it’s not a constant thing and maybe if isn’t as deep and primal as the care you have for your DC and DH (who, afterall, are your very nearest.) But on a daily basis I’ll have thoughts of care and concern for several people (e.g. a recently bereaved colleague; a good friend who is very stressed at work; a FWB I know is struggling with the demise of his business; a not-that-close friend who I know is struggling with her marriage) and hope they’re feeling okayish today and wonder what I could do to help them. I have a cold black heart and am not at all sentimental so if I am feeling that way about people, some of whom are only peripheral in my life, I should very much expect others are feeling that way about you.

Banjodancer · 20/08/2019 00:41

That's very nice to read, Comtesse, thank you

Original poster
putthesneckon · 20/08/2019 18:43

Thank you Contesse

OP posts:
PicsInRed · 20/08/2019 18:59

We don't like to think that our kids worry about us, but they do, in their own sweet ways.

No matter what, your babies care. 🤗

And Comtesse is spot on. Our culture requires that we don't verbalize it, but we often have a huge amount of care and concern for those in our daily lives - which is why people will be so shocked and upset if, for example, their local shopkeeper is killed. It's not just "proxmity", it's care. People care about people they know, even just to nod to. They just keep it to themselves.

OooErMissus · 20/08/2019 19:03

Both my parents have passed away - I don't have anyone who worries about me, but that's because there's nothing to worry about.

I have people who love and care for me, and that makes me content.

If there was a need for them to worry, they would - but I'm glad they don't have to.

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