CMS

[newnamewhosthis]

My DP pays CMS for his son who has turned 17 over the holidays. He pays 1.5 x recommended amount as per the online calculator. We also contribute to his annual holiday with his mum, phone contract, school uniform, and hobbies separately.

He has decided not to go back to school after disappointing exam results but managed to get an electrical apprenticeship. Which he will be earning a small wage of £150.00 pw.

DP wants to look at maintenance again as paying the current amount is a struggle for us and now that DSS is "working" he feels we should be contributing less.

I know that CMS is a sensitive topic but wanted to find out what people deemed fair in this situation as we're unsure.

He should contribute as much as he can towards his son, if you want to be with the sort of man who argues about this, then you deserve everything you've got coming to you. The mother of his son will have taken a massive hit to her employment and earning opportunities during pregnancy, and an equally massive hit throughout the life of the child. You don't say what the amount he pays is, 1.5% of very little is very little. There are a lot of fathers who insist on paying the kids phone contracts because it's a way of keeping track of the child's mother, so don't be too quick to find him heroic for doing so. The fact that you are contributing to holidays, uniforms etc on top of the CM makes me wonder just how little your DP is actually paying - a fair amount would take into account all those things, and top ups would be unnecessary, yet again, these contributions look like your ex attempting to maintain control over the mother of his child. One of my oldest friends pays £500 per month each for his two adult children to their mother direct. He is no longer obliged to pay anything, and is not a particularly high earner, but he does pay, because he's intelligent enough, kind enough and sensitive, man enough and a good enough father to appreciate how much their mother still does for them. Another friend also still contributes to his adult child and in addition to CMS paid school fees and travel costs. There are some good fathers out there, but your DP doesn't sound like one. The kid is ONLY just 17 - you and his response to his exams going awry is "PAYDAY, we might not have to contribute so much to this poor kid's upbringing".

@Highlandheath

Your clearly deranged you have no personal knowledge of my family. You know nothing about the mechanics of it. Where in my original post does it say my DP wants to argue about it? I deserve everything I have coming to me for what exactly? Asking for advise on a forum for Mother's.

We do not think of this as a "payday" nowhere in my OP do I suggest we stop paying maintenance we're looking for a reasonable compromise considering legally we don't need to pay a penny but considering the pittance that DSS is earning that's hardly fair.

Does anybody else have any help suggestions?

Highland that was a very assumptive and accusatory reply.

I think it would be an idea for DP to sit down with his ex and ds.
If ds is expected to contribute some of his wage to his mum then its possible that do can cut back on something. He's obviously not providing a uniform anymore!
Perhaps they could agree that he doesn't contribute towards mum and ds holiday but he does agree to use the money to pay for him and ds to do a trip somewhere to celebrate a year of working?

1.5% of very little is very little

OP's partner pays 150% of the CMS recommended amount.

I thought maintenance stopped once they stopped education

Highland projecting much

OP see attached

Highland projecting much

Just a tad

Paying for his ex to go on holiday, what a total bastard

OP, it’s brilliant news he’s got an apprenticeship, that’s a really good route to go down. It’s tricky isn’t it and there’s no handbook for how to manage these things so I think have a chat with DSS, find out what he’s arranging with his mum in terms of rent etc and work out what support you think DSS might need and for how long.

For me, as a minimum, he should start paying his own phone contract and any costs related to his hobbies. I would also be encouraging him to give his mum a small amount each week towards his keep (regardless of how much CMS you continue to pay).

£150 a week to yourself is a lot!

If you're really struggling then you could consider having SS paying for his own phone contract and you obviously won't have school uniforms to pay for. That would reduce the amount a bit. Maybe a renegotiation can be made about holidays and hobbies too,but it depends on the relationship with the ex and DSS.

I'd keep paying the same amount of maintenance though,as his costs haven't changed at all, and it's doubtful he can contribute much from £150 a week.

If you do decide to reduce I would warn mum and give her a few months notice(at least 3 ) to adjust and budget for it.

DSS mum has said that she isn't going to take any money for the first year of his apprenticeship so what DP has suggested is that maintenance payment stay the same for this first year however DSS takes over paying for his clubs, clothes and mobile phone.

As his earning increase each year (which is set out as part of the apprenticeship) DSS will start paying his mum and the maintenance will decrease by this amount until he qualifies in 3 years which then it will stop as hopefully DSS will be a qualified electrician and fingers crossed employed.

Do you think this sounds fair?

I think that sounds very fair.

What does his phone cost - £40 a month?

That leaves him with £560 a month to himself to spend on clothes, hobbies and whatever else he likes.

Sounds fair to me. As he is earning a wage,even if it's very low, he can pick up some of his own costs.

Yes, very fair.

That sounds very fair to me! He just needs to speak to his ex so she knows that's his intention, then obviously they need to tell DS that it's now his responsibility to pay for phone etc. It's lovely to see people being adults about this!

Sounds very fair.

And also shows that communication is the key and fathers aren't always in the wrong re CMS or NR children.

It also allows the mum time to build up a career that may have slowed due to raising the ds.

Phone contract is only £16 a month as sim only.
DP works for a mobile phone network and regularly gets discounts handsets so DSS got one at Xmas just past so unlikely to need an upgrade any time soon.

DP is going to speak to DSS mum over the weekend make sure this is alright for her too, just wanted to get a general consensus before we broach.

Thanks everybody for your help.