I'm sorry this is just a whinging moaning thread. It all started last night when I said something that pissed my bf off over the dining table, once I explained what I meant he was totally fine but because I'm totally fucked up from a previous abusive relationship I had a panic attack and things just got totally out of hand with myself. Just to be clear my bf is totally supportive and understanding of the situation and couldn't have handled it any better but I'm too bloody fucked up to realise this at the time and just let everything spiral.
So then I felt totally awkward this morning, he was quiet with me but every time I asked him if things were ok he was like yeah they're fine. I obviously don't believe him...
We don't live together but I'm seeing him tomorrow, I haven't heard from him since he left this afternoon but he had plans with friends...
I'm just so pissed off that my past haunts me .
I also feel inadequate to be his gf because his ex's are so pretty and 'put together' he's mentioned before 'jokingly' about certain aspects of my appearance but those comments stay with me and run through my mind constantly.
I don't know what I wanted from this post I just wanted to vent?? I guess??
Also my anxiety got so bad last night I cut myself for the first time ever, I've been tempted before but I just wanted the pain shifted...he doesn't know I did this.