Have I messed up?

[JungStyx]

My son is 18almost 19. I'm a single mum and have been since son was about 1 and son hasn't seen him since then (his dad went to prison and ss were involved when he was released and he wasn't allowed to see son for some outing reasons). I've always put son first. He started drinking when he was 16/17 (I didn't give him permission). And he drinks every night and gets drunk and violent (he assaulted a police officer twice). His girlfriend is pregnant and has said if he doesn't get his life sorted she won't let him see baby and will dump him.

He now goes out at 8pm and comes home at about midnight or 1am and wakes at midday has something to eat (toast or dry cereal as he doesn't like milk) and gets ready/spends time in his room and goes out again. I don't know how he's getting the money as up until a few weeks/months ago he was taking it from me until I caught him. So it's either his friends at the pub buying him drinks or family members giving him money and not saying

Help!

I don’t think you’ve necessarily messed up. You could have brought him up in the perfect nuclear family and he still could have turned out like this. What does he say when you talk to him about it?

I also think that you might need to consider that there are a multitude of ways to get money that don’t involve the charity of friends and family.

I think that if the threat of losing his girlfriend and access to his child doesn’t make him pull his socks up, not much will. Have you got a good relationship with his girlfriend? Will she let you see the baby if he isn’t involved?

I tried to talk to him a few months ago when he got arrested and he said he can do what he wants. But now he has started drinking every night and refuses to talk about it.

Yes I have a good relationship with his girlfriend and will be able to see baby but not anywhere near son.

And he’s right. He can do whatever he wants.

But that does not mean you have to let him do it under your roof. Nor does it mean that he won’t have to deal with the consequences of his actions. Perhaps it’s time to put your grandchild first, not your son 🌺

When she said he can't see baby he said she can't stop him but now he doesn't seem bothered.

It's my birthday today but he probably hasn't remembered.

Hope you've had a good day

Why don't you ask him why hes drinking every night? Do you have a good relationship with him?

I'd be giving him an ultimatum

1. Man up and sort your shit out

1. Find a place to live

If he doesn't have a job, how the hell is he finding his drinking binges? My thoughts jumped straight to dodgy dealings of some kind.

Not under my roof sonny

He remembered it was my birthday today and he went out and bought me a card. He said he didn't have enough to get me anything (I think it was the last of his wages).

I asked him why he drinks so much and he just said he doesn't know

Keep talking to him JungStyx, hopefully he's coming out the other side of being a pain in the arse teen.

Happy birthday

Thank you.

He hasn't gone out tonight and his girlfriend is here (he asked her).