DM keeps getting scammed

[InOtterNews]

Just as the title says really. She's 71 and late getting to grips with internet/SM. Last month it was a facebook scam and lost several hundred pounds.

I'm working at home today (moved back last year for caring duties) and just overhead call from Call Prevention Service. Have told her over the years numerous time, that she is signed up to TPS and call blocking companies cannot do what they claim - evidenced by the number of calls she gets. They wanted £180 she apparently owes them for this service and she was halfway through giving her card details before I intervened.

Earlier this morning we got a call from someone claiming to be from BT about our internet service (they are not our provider).

I talk to her a lot of about not ticking boxes on online forms, signing up for things that are too good to be true. Even asking her to wait until I am home before going ahead with an online purchase. But obviously, I can't be here all the time to watch over her (and nor do I want to).

Any advice on how I can get through to her

Keep an eye on the latest scams and let her know them. That way she'll know when they ring. There's not a lot you can do if she's not savvy but at least that keeps her updated.

If she is this vulnerable, I'd consider whether you can get a Power of Attorney in place and manage her affairs for her, perhaps then giving her only cash to use day-to-day so she can't offload her money to scammers? Would she consider moving into sheltered accommodation where people may be able to keep an eye on her? Can you get rid of her landline and have a mobile phone only, with only certain numbers that can get through and everything else blocked or automatically diverted?

What does she say when you tell her not to do any online purchases/giving card details to callers etc?

If she really doesn't listen and can't take on board what you're saying, would she agree to just give up on using the Internet at all? Perhaps with the proviso that anything she really needs done online, you will do for her?

There are ways of blocking/monitoring calls on landlines and mobiles that are more effective than TPS, which has no authority over all those overseas-routed-through-a-UK-number scam calls. Have a look at BT website and your mother’s mobile provider websites.
bt.custhelp.com/app/answers/detail/a_id/56986/related/1

Put a notice beside the phone.
Not everyone is who they say they are.
Don’t pay for anything over the phone when people call you.
Any doubts check with me first.

She mentioned Power of Attorney following facebook scam, and I said to her that she is the one to make that decision rather than me insist upon it. I know that this would be a step in losing independence. She's a proud woman and it took her ages to tell me about FB scam.

I don't want to restrict internet access and DB lives overseas and she likes to see what he and his family are up to.

Maybe getting rid of the landline would help to stop the majority of calls - but I have heard the odd one on her mobile (these are much less in frequency)

God I hate scammers.
It's why I keep them on the phone for as long as possible so they can't scam someone more vulnerable than me.

Can you set up an answer machine and switch the phone to low so she can't answer it? Get it diverted to your mobile for a few weeks?

One thing you could try is downloading the scam programmes for her to watch.
My Dad is very independent but not worldly so we watch the BBC morning programmes with Gloria Hunniford and Angela Rippon.
They cover quite a few scams.

If she's mentioned a Power of Attorney and would be willing to do it, then just get on with it. Yes, it's sad if she can no longer manage her independence fully and she may feel a loss of pride. But it's infinitely better than her losing tens of thousands of pounds (or more) to some god-awful scammer. Her sense of humiliation and misery will be far higher if someone's taken all her money, than if she lets you manage her affairs. My elderly aunt was scammed a few weeks ago (she's 80) and she was hysterical with fear (she fell for the HMRC scam - she honestly thought she'd end up in prison for unpaid tax. God knows why, she has very little money and no assets). She still thinks she may be arrested, even though we've told her it's a scam and how scammers operate.

Op but power of attorney wouldn't stop her paying for things if she still has a bank card. Couldn't you just agree you'll look after her bank card for her and that she won't fill in forms etc by herself? Wouldn't that plus watching things like Gloria hunniford programmes showing scams be enough?

If power of attorney means she has no bank card anymore that takes all her independence away from her & that would be a huge shame for both of you as she wouldn't be able to shop independently anymore either? Unless you give her cash I guess and that also means she gives up her independence

I had someone ring to thank me for £599 donation. I said I had done no such thing and I would ring my bank immediately. The person from the bank that I spoke to said it was a fairly common occurrence, but as I had given no details it would be OK; he then checked my statement and all was well. I have since received my bank statement confirming that.
I do buy things on-line, but don't do on-line banking. I too am no longer young.

We have had similar happen in my family. My mil is quite savvy but almost got taken in by a fake website and has only recently came to us because she is being spammed with porn on her phone (she had 78 tabs open on her browser and hadn't shut a pop up or something). She had really stressed that someone might see it and think she was a sexual deviant.

I try to direct her to Google first before committing to anything or to run it past us but you feel bad because you can feel a bit patronising. Mostly we type in "free tui birthday flights august Facebook" and you usually see evidence it's a scam.

Should have seen it coming as I had years of forwarded emails about random scams to look out for, most of which were disproved or clarified by Snopes dot com or a quick Google.

In conclusion, it's actually quite weird my mil gets scanned as she spent so long forwarding emails about them 😬.

She's not that old to be unable to deal with this which makes me wonder if something else is going on. I would sort out LPA as soon as possible, it's easy to do yourself but can only be done before the person loses their faculties. We did it for my mother years ago and in fact DH and I have done it for each other.

I have one practical suggestion. We got DM a phone which has caller display like a mobile, she pays a little extra to her phone provider. I have programmed in every person she knows and she only answers the phone if a name comes up. Spammers don't leave answer phone messages so if it was important and not spam she would still get a message.
To give her credit DM (85) spots a dodgy email at least once a week and rings me up asking what to do. Never click on the link

There is a group of connected companies based in Bournemouth who cold call, asking the householder to pay for a service to limit the cold calls they receive. They will send you a box to connect to your phone line (charging £100 to £150) and set up a monthly DD for £5.99. If you block the DD, one of the companies will call you to say there has been a problem and set it up again using the bank or credit card details they hold.

Another scam involves a business offering to extend a manufacturer's warranty on white goods. They will ask you if you have any (say) Hotpoint appliances. If you say no, they claim It's their mistake and suggest another popular brand. Then they take an upfront subscription of (say) £150 per appliance. They will send out a local engineer for an initial assessment if there is a problem with the appliance, but all further costs beyond the call out fee must still be paid. Again, they call repeatedly if you block the payments.

I could go on for hours about the scams by in laws get taken in by and the time it takes to try to extricate them from them. They are elderly and vulnerable.

Get a phone with built in call blocking/screening, such as BT8600. We got one for my aunt who was in a similar position. There are various settings on it so you can choose which calls will get through.

NotWaving she had major surgery earlier this year and it seems to have got worse since then - confusion/forgetfulness are things that also concern me. She waiting for some tests at the memory clinic.

She does have caller ID and she won't answer if the number is withheld - she picks up to a programmed number - but if receiving calls from overseas the number is automatically withheld so invariably she picks up thinking it's a family member. If a number displays she tends to pick up even if she doesn't recognise it - I need to get her back in the habit of not answering.

I'm trying to in touch with Sky to set up Talk Shield to see if that will help.

I speak to a number of elderly people at work, who sometimes get very worried about the scam phone call.
What I say to them is that any legitimate company will give their name and the phone number for calling back, and to bring that to me. I then google the name/phone number and if it seems legitimate I'll call them and speak to them.

That usually gives them the confidence to say "no" on the phone, and I can reassure them it's a scam.

The thing is, now she's been caught out the scammers will target her all the more. She needs to be super vigilant.

InOtterNews In that case don't hang about with the LPA as if you wait until she can't manage her affairs it's too late and the process is much more difficult. The fact that she has actually asked you to do it is a good thing, she must sense her own deterioration. When we did it with mum we stressed that it was "just in case". It has been put away for several years now but is there if needed.

Sky Talk shield works but is cumbersome and may be confusing it confuses DH. The caller has to say who they are, then when you answer there is a recording of their voice and you have to accept or reject the call. It would certainly act as a deterrent to a scammy call centre.

Is there someone like CAB or Help the Aged who may have really simple, straight-forward information you could pass onto her?

Sometimes it's easier for people to read information and for quite a lot of us, it can be easier to deal with if it's not coming from a family member (especially if she's a bit embarrassed about what she has already fallen for).

1. I would unplug/remove landline phone. You don't need it for internet.

2. I would then phone her mobile company and ask them to change her mobile number (they will if you state she is being harassed or something).

3. Once her number is changed, that can be her personal number only for family and friends and services you trust not to sell it on (doctors etc). Then I would get a cheap pay as you go phone with sim and that's the number you put for anything else. You can then turn the phone on once a week to check it.

The reason she is getting so many scams is because she has fallen for them so her details keep being sold on. My elderly aunt once received a scam letter from Nigeria. She wrote back to them to tell them she would not be sending money. Of course, this then alerted them to the fact that somebody lived at the address. She now receives about 15 scam letters a week! I had to tell her to stop bloody writing back to them all!

anaesthesia takes a lot to recover from and is worse for the over 60s.

Get the LPA for both her health and finance. Can you to take her to her bank to talk through things with them?

Tell her that if anyone phones up and asks for money she should take their number and you'll call them back later. If they absolutly insist that she pays them there and then she should just put the phone down on them.

I can't imagine a legitimate company would object to the idea of you ringing them back and paying them a few hours later.

For DGM we have used the BT online facility to block all calls that aren’t from approved numbers. In the end we found it was the only way.

It’s a bit laborious to enter them all, but 100% worth it!

These scammers make me so angry but as a pp said she is now a target.

I agree with the call guardian type facility, I ring people at work (legit) and many have one. Usually I have to say my name and then press a button, I am sure one seems to be a different key each time, I am not sure if that is enough to put them off.

Also consider changing the number if possible.

I rang someone at work and she was quite distressed as she had just had a phone call telling her that her electricity would be disconnected due to non payment (thankfully she assured me she hadn't passed on any details) I told her it was a scam and talked her through the reasons why it would be - direct debit, bill not due, no red bill etc.