Is it OK to feel sad?

[HotChocolateLover]

Found out fifth hand yesterday that my dad is dying. Haven’t spoken in about 3 years and he was a crap dad growing up. I’d wait for hours at the window sobbing asking my mum when he was coming to collect me and my sister for visits and he just didn’t come. No mobiles then so couldn’t text. Now, found this out and my sister and mum are both sad but I feel nothing. It would feel weird and a bit fake to have a death bed reconciliation but will I regret not seeing him or not going to his funeral? I feel sad but not even sure why I feel sad over someone who treated me so badly.

Hugs to you OP
You don't have to feel any way apart from the way you feel OP. Also it's ok not to know how you feel.
Visit if you want to. But maybe think about what you want to get out of that first? No one can tell you what to do here. Are you mum & sister understanding of how you feel?

Of course it’s ok to feel sad

What I will say is that though you might regret not seeing him before he dies, you’re unlikely to regret it if you do see him (unless of course he is/was abusive).

I sometimes think that the sadness is more of a wistfulness of what the relationship could have been ....

Of course. I think it’s sometimes harder for people to cope with the death of someone they’ve had a failed relationship with as the situation is so full of regrets and what ifs.

Can 100% empathise with this. Also found out my biological father is dying this week, has days rather than weeks. Saw him twice, once because he needed a few bits the other to say goodbye because they thought he was going to go and he was alone.
I’m glad I’ve seen him and made my peace but don’t feel any urge to go back.
He wasn’t a nice man to me and certainly not a father in anyway other than blood.
Absolutely no one can tell you what you should or shouldn’t feel in this situation, it’s very individual and personal. You’ll just muddle through.
Go if you feel you may regret not, but otherwise do what you need to do for you.

By visiting him in hospital you will not get any answers about why he behaved the way he did . He may express regret. Do you want this?
I wouldn’t worry about what others might think .You do not have to justify yourself to anyone.
Personally it would give me a certain amount of satisfaction and control not to go. As a child you had no control over his behaviour.

It feels like I ‘should’ care but I just don’t. I just feel resentful for the things he’s done (and hasn’t) Plus, it’s lung cancer so he’s probably brought it on himself even though we constantly told him to stop smoking. Now waiting on brain scan as doc thinks it may have spread as well.