How am I going to survive being parent of girls!

[sleepmcsleepysleepsleep]

It’s midnight and I can’t stop stewing over a situation with my DD and her friend whose mum is my best mum friend. Basically it is clear she may only be 5 but she is giving The Godfather a run for his money with holding a grudge. They both fell out.. fine not unusual but it’s been a few days and while my DD wants to move on her DD is being out right mean and I have witnessed this. I diplomatically brought it up with my friend, not to force the girls to be friends but to at least encourage her DD to move past this.. but apparently her DD can’t and she didn’t even pull her up on her meanness. I have been very diplomatic as i don’t want to affect our friendship but I can’t seem to stop stewing over how this has been handled. I also don’t know what to say to my DD. I think about what is in store for her as she grows up and has to deal with more fall outs and it’s breaking my heart. Why do girls have to be so mean? What advice do you give your DD’s on how to handle it. I know children are resilient but quite frankly it took me a long time to get over some of my own mean girls and I don’t want the same for my DD’s.

The other little girl isn't necessarily ''holding a grudge''. She just doesn't care if her mum's friend's daughter is the child she doesn't want to be friends with right now.

I have one of each and boys are ''allowed'' to choose their friends without it being labelled mean, iyswim.

There's a good book, queen bees and wannabes. Can't remember the author but it's very good. Relates to adults as well in some parts!

Also, I gave my DD a book ''what to say when....'' loads of good advice in there, probably for older girls.

My mum always told me I was wonderful and anyone who didn't think so was missing out because I'm so great.

I also tell my daughter there are lots and lots of people in the world and everyone is different, you're not all going to get along and that's ok. Some times people will make you happy and sometimes they'll make you sad, you can't control what people do/say.

Maybe you need this friend to be a 'go for a drink while the kids are at home' kind of friend from now on!

I honestly don’t care about the friends thing I have seen my kid fall out loads. It was her quite public meanness I was not happy about that I more wanted addressing. I would just rather they not be friends and she move on until they decide to be friends again or not. My DD is capable of making other friends and a lot of this is probably my own anxieties projected onto my DD but the book sounds great for helping me give her advice to navigate the highs and lows thank you.

You’re expecting a lot from a five year old who doesn’t care that she’s disrupting your social life by not being prepared to be friends with her mother’s friend’s child when she doesn’t want to. The fact that your friend is this child’s mother is muddying your thinking. Stop trying to force a friendship that suits you.

Take a huge step back. They are going to sort this out between themselves, whether things go back to the way they were or the friendship comes to an end. The other girl isn’t being mean, she’s 5, they’re both learning so much about relationships right now, including that if you don’t want to like somebody, you don’t have to. It’s not your job to sort this out and be overly invested. It’s your job to teach your DD how to use her resilience to get through it.

I think you are right KellyHall, but I would probably get drunk and then say things I shouldn’t ha ha!

Again!!! I don’t care about the friendship and I am pretty sure I said that on my OP! I do care about the kid being rude to my kid right in front of me! Look that aside the point is more about how you help your kid navigate these things... quite honestly my DD can handle herself but at some point she will find herself in a situation that is harder to handle and I want to be able to offer her sage advice!

Also I call bullshit that 5 year olds can’t be mean.. yes they bloody can and I include my own DD in that.. she knows exactly what she is doing and so does this other girl.

Right. So you know your kid can handle herself. You don't care about the friendship. You're just pissed off at your friend's DD and you think it was badly handled at that your friend's DD should apologise for her meanness?

Step back.

You've got YEARS of this shit ahead. Take your lead from your DD. It's like you want to be right? At the end of the day your SD is the one most clued up here and you're the one making it an issue.

No, the other girl shouldn't have been mean but you cannot control that.

Resilience isn't about controlling other people's behaviour. It's about controlling our own.

If it continues to be an issue, then don't get the girls together any more. At this age friendships can be transient. It doesn't have to affect your friendship with the mum but you are going to go through this many times throughout your dd's life. It's not always easy but you really do need to not be 'that parent'

Friendships do come and go. If your daughter is ok with the situation it sounds like it's you who has the issue, not your daughter.

DD not SD

Your DD can handle herself, so why are you falling apart about it! It sounds now as if you’re more bothered that your friend didn’t scold her daughter for her behaviour to yours — so deal with that or let it go.

Pm’d you

Honestly OP, you’re making this a much bigger drama that it is. If you keep going your DD will follow you and will not be able to build the resilience to deal with conflict on her own