Third day of P1 - talk me down...

[HelloMrDinosaur]

So DD1 started in Primary 1 on Tuesday. We are in Scotland. She’s my first and I’m feeling quite overwrought with it all. My husband is away just now as well so that doesn’t help. I am hiding it though, and demonstrating nothing but excitement about it to her.

She is full of it. She’s so happy. Excited going on. Loves her teacher. Can’t wait to learn etc etc. So far so good.

She came out today still full of the joys (in half days this week, having lunch in school then picked up). When we got into the car she told me that two girls hadn’t been kind to her. They had taken her lunch ticket from her and made her take one of theirs (I have no idea why - the tickets are all the same and they all have the same options for food etc so I can’t see how it would make any difference). Teacher was further down the line apparently and didn’t see any of this. DD said she felt “cross” and “told the girls they were being naughty”. That’s it though. She’s not upset about it or anything.

I know deep down that these are 4-5 year olds carrying on. I’m also slightly worried this is the start of her being bullied (I tend to catastrophise internally) and she’s a young 4.5 and small. She doesn’t really have the wherewithal to tell when someone is being mean I don’t think.

Also. She was desperate for the toilet when I picked her up. I asked her why she didn’t go at school and she said “I cant use those toilets they have hand dryers”. DD is terrified of them, always has been. She starts going for full days soon. She can’t not go to the toilet.

I know this is nonsense but I’m sitting here on my own worrying about it all and I just need to talk it through .

Maybe have to ask to talk to the teacher about the hand dryer thing.

Aww, it can be a tough time for parents but just focus on how much fun she is having.
You need to talk to the teacher about the toilet situation. At the moment I'd let the lunch ticket issue drop but if it happens again in have a rethink.

What can the teacher do about the toilet thing though? I didn’t think for a second the toilets would have hand driers 😞

Talk to the teacher - the school is invested in making sure that their P1s start their time at the school on a positive note. She's not the first and she won't be the last p1 who is still scared of hand dryers.

Make sure your DD knows that if any of the boys or girls do anything that makes her unhappy or uncomfortable, she tells her teacher or one of the assistants (or whoever is on playground duty if at breaktime). Try not to overthink things at this early stage - it's a big transition for everyone.

I have a friend whose daughter was genuinely terrified of hand driers. They let her go to the bathroom 3 minutes early before breaks and lunch. There's so much free play and small group work in P1 that she reckons the other kids never noticed.

She grew out of it by P3.

Or might there be an adapted single toilet she can use?

Definitely worth speaking to the head. They will have seen it all before.

My DD started in reception last September. She was 4yrs1month and looked like a little baby someone had stuck in some Clark’s Mary Janes. It seemed awful that I was making her go to school every day, all day. Immediately she came out with stories that she would tell matter of dactyl (“no one played with me at playtime so I walked around on my own”..... “I didn’t know who to sit with at carpet time so I sat on my own...”) and I was convinced in my own head she was getting bullied from about day 3.

Suffice to say she made it through the year and is so confident and a different girl now to that little munchkin I left behind on that first day. We’ve had a few friendship dramas over the year with BFFs coming and going and we’ve had lunchtime drama when she couldn’t eat any of the options because they were “yuck” so she just didn’t eat all day and we’ve had toilet dramas where she wet her pants because she couldn’t coordinate the tights/knickers/pinafore/shirt/jumper situation in time, which then made her worried about going to the loo at school etc. BUT it’s all been fine. She loves it. And I accept that I will always worry because she’s my baby and I’m a worrier, but it’s genuinely been okay.

Solidarity with you OP. The worry is real and it’s normal. Shows you’re bothered and want her to succeed.

They can go to the toilet any time they like in P1 so talk to the teacher about letting her nip out straight after or just before break or lunch. There is probably a single cubicle disabled toilet in the school too which she should be able to use. Try not to worry and nip in and speak to the teacher tomorrow. They want to get it right.

The dinner ticket thing is just nonsense, they are supervised at lunch and in the playground (though not by the teacher) so difficult for anything serious to take place. I know you're doing your best but it's important to teach both resilience (weren't they silly to take your ticket?) and what to do if anything gets out of hand (make yourself big and strong as a tree, shout NO as loudly as you can, then find a teacher or CA).

*Nonsense as in silliness, not nonsense in 'that didn't happen'

They might let your dd go to the toilet at a different time to others so she is in control of when hand dryers are used. There will be some sort of workaround

Talk to her teacher whilst she's still doing part time - there may be more time for the teacher to intervene.

thank you everyone. AlltheWhores that makes me feel a lot better and a lot less alone in this. Everyone else’s kids seem to be absolutely fine and they don’t seem worried at all

We had the hand dryer problem with DS. We bought him ear defenders (Kidz - you can get them from Amazon) were kept on teachers desk and he just took them whenever he needed them. He never had any problems with the other children they knew they were his and left them alone. They moved up the school with him for quite a few years. Speak to the teacher tomorrow and see if s/he will allow them.

I guarantee that plenty of the parents and kids you think are fine are going through exactly the same as you are.

At my kids school, there are different dinner tickets for meat, veg, jacket potato, allergy and then also meat or vegetable sandwich. So make sure this isn’t the case here or some child including yours could end up with a meal that they cannot eat.

Sorry to hear though as it is heart breaking to think of people being mean to your little girl.

At only 4 can’t she wipe her wet hands down her clothes, the way they wipe their yogurt and paints and mud?
I hate hand dryers and just shake my wet hands.

Yeah she’s fine with not using them. She gets worried about other people using them. It makes her jump. She’s always been funny with noise. The school bell is another noise she doesn’t like but she seems to accept she’ll get used to that one

I would try snd expose her to hand driers rather than avoid - we were recommended this on our visits to the school and have worked with dd over the summer about over exposure to them.

I've had problems with 2 of mine not using the toilet at school. With the first the teacher was very understanding and let me go in at drop off and pick up time to help familiarise her. Wasn't entirely effective though and we did often have to stop off at a cafe halfway home as she would be holding it in. Seems lots of children don't flush and she wouldn't go if the toilets weren't pristine. Understandable really!

Another of my children had issues with the urinal. Didn't like peeing standing alongside older boys. Obviously I couldn't escort him into the boys' toilets. He sorted it out himself in the end by going into cubical for a pee but still doesn't like using toilets at school and is always desperate to go as soon as he gets home.

For years I kept a portable potty and some wipes in the boot of the car in case of emergencies on the way home. (We moved and no convenient cafe on the way home any more)

My DS was terrified of the hand dryers when he started school. His teacher would let him go in the disabled toilet.