Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. Protection built in.

Meet the Other Phone.
Protection built in.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
Chat

Join the discussion and chat with other Mumsnetters about everyday life, relationships and parenting.

Original poster

Old friend expecting to be invited to wedding

15 replies

Treem · 15/08/2019 15:47

I'm getting married next year and an old friend messaged me on facebook to find out the exact date so she could save it in her diary.

For context we were part of a wider group of friends years ago but were never particularly close. She moved away 6 years ago, I have seen her once (in a group) since then and have chatted on a group message a handful of times.

I hadn't even thought about inviting her to my wedding! She lives a 9 hour drive away so I didn't feel that an evening invitation would be appropriate and we are not close enough for her to be a day guest. I felt put on the spot when I told her the date and she said 'oh great, I'm really excited about it, assuming I'm invited. Haha' so I said 'yeah of course' - gah! I'm so stupid!

So what do I do? Just send her an evening invitation? Invite her to the whole day because its awkward not to? I suspect we'll end up with enough room if a few people can't come. Contact her and talk about it?

OP posts:
Shouldcolder · 15/08/2019 15:48

Just invite her. It’s clear she thinks a lot of you.

LeekMunchingSheepShagger · 15/08/2019 15:50

Well you've told her she will be invited so I think you have to at this point!

IAskTooManyQuestions · 15/08/2019 15:51

Do yo u actually want her there, or do you think shes cadging an invite just to catch up with old mates? How big is your wedding?

Several options:
(a) forget
(b) evening
(c) tell her she caught you on the hop and its a small, intimate do.

Interested in this thread?

Then you might like threads about this subject:

Weddings
Original poster
Treem · 15/08/2019 16:02

The group has mostly disbanded. Only one of the others will be there as we are still close.

I will send her an invitation. I will just have to work out whether it is:

a)evening (and if so do I warn her in advance so she can decide whether or not to bother)
b)day with just her and partner (knowing that she'll struggle to get childcare)
c) day with her partner and small child

OP posts:
AnchorDownDeepBreath · 15/08/2019 16:05

If it's next year and you're not close enough to want to invite her, just don't say anything. She's unlikely to say anything else, but if she did, explain that venue restrictions meant you had to stick to close friends and family and arrange to meet her at a different time. It doesn't sound like you've seen her in a long time, and you're not that close...

I'm getting married next year too, and you invite everyone who hints, you're easily going to add loads onto your list. Some people just love a wedding invite?

Flower777 · 15/08/2019 16:07

I had this too. It was so awkward.

Do whatever will be least stress for you. If that means just inviting her to all of it then so be it.

My friend called me to ask if she should rearrange her holiday plans and fly back to a different airport. It was really awkward. I just said it’s a really small wedding- mostly family. Which was true but I still felt really bad.

Original poster
Treem · 15/08/2019 16:11

Anchor - I really don't want to hurt her though. She obviously thinks of me as a good friend still even though a lot of time has passed. She lives quite remotely, doesn't have a job, has an unhelpful partner and has been 'mum' for the last few years - unable to get out there and meet new friends. Yes, there have been a few cheeky hints from others but none that I've taken any notice of. This seems different.

OP posts:
lisbonholiday · 15/08/2019 16:12

if you dont want her to actually come, then just send evening invite for her only, not her child or partner.

If you really want her to be there and you want to rekindle the friendship, invite them, why not!

EL8888 · 15/08/2019 16:14

I vote evening. She was cheeky to assume she would be invited anyway, l never assume invites to anything

HollowTalk · 15/08/2019 16:24

Are you interested in rekindling the friendship?

cwtchesandprosecco · 15/08/2019 17:18

I’d vote evening. Agree very cheeky!

I’m in a similar situation, but from the friend side! We were quite good friends but drifted when I moved away and haven’t really spoken apart from the odd Facebook comment/ insta like in years! Met up with her for a coffee a few weeks ago, it was so easy, like the last few years hadn’t happened! But I was extremely touched and surprised to get an invite to her wedding- would never have expected or asked for it!

Perunatop · 15/08/2019 17:31

I'd suggest inviting her alone to whole day. She can either leave her DH and child at home or politely decline. It would be unkind not to invite her now given what you said on social media, but no need to include whole family.

TheYeaSayer · 15/08/2019 17:36

Evening invitation only without partner. She probably won't come then. Cheeky person that she is!

Apolloanddaphne · 15/08/2019 17:40

It sounds like she is maybe keen to get away for a few days and relive her old life. I would invite her but on her own.

Tink1990 · 15/08/2019 17:55

Aaw send an invite to the 3 of them for the evening. She clearly thinks a lot of you

New posts on this thread. Refresh page