Dull sex with dp

[30secondsoflove]

I am going to sound like a cow saying this but it's bothering me and appears to be a sticking point in my relationship.

Basically sex with DP is rubbish, really really boring. We've been together three years and yes it was like this at the start but I fell in love with him and thought he was shy and it would improve.

It's the same mundane thing everytime over and over. TMI, kiss for a short while, goes straight for nipples, then clit, literally nothing inbetween no loving caresses or squeezes etc, then straight onto penetration which again is predictable and boring. Same speed/pace for the 30 seconds it lasts. He then pants and declares it was "amazing" all the while I'm wondering what to do for tea. It reminds me of an inexperienced 18yo.

I have suggested different things, moved his hands and showed my appreciation etc but it still remains the same. Nothing changes. Tbh I really can't even be bothered anymore as I know how it is going to be. I'm pregnant atm so have good reason not too. He does complain we don't "do it" enough but it's just, well, dull.

How can I address this?

If you know him well enough to swap bodily fluids and get pregnant, then you know him well enough to TALK to him and tell him he's got to alter his technique.

write him a list of questions you want himto ask you. Then hand him the sheet and get him to ask them.

Try a condom or a female condom to make it last?

Tie him up.

When did you suggest them? If he thinks it's all great then if you suggest them while having sex then he may not be paying attention.

If you talk to him at a different time, what does he say?

Some men are selfish
Don't know how you've lasted this long really

Give him a book on sex techniques? Karma Sutra maybe? Tell him he must try harder!

Do you orgasm? Doesn’t sound like it. You have every right to expect an orgasm too, he wouldn’t be impressed if sex was over after one minute of you doing what works for you.

Tell him you want your orgasm first before penetration. Make him think a bit.

If you're having sex you should be able to talk about it.

I'd have one last talk, outside of the bedroom, and if he isn't willing to think of your needs, end it. He clearly isn't bothered with satisfying you.

Do you think of sex as something done to you, or something you do together?

If it is something you do together, where you’re both actively engaged, both trying different things it’s more likely to be fun.

If you’re mainly thinking of sex as something that is done to you and you wish it were being done better and more creatively, well you may be in for a long wait.

That sounds thoroughly depressing, I wouldn't want to 'do it' either. But I also wouldn't have put up with poor sexual technique for 3 weeks let alone 3 years. He clearly hasn't listened when you've tried to guide him before so I think you will need to be much more blunt. It isn't fair that you are getting nothing out of your own sex life, he sounds thoroughly selfish.

Is he naturally submissive? He may respond well to you taking more control and being more dominant with him.

Thirty seconds, he has a problem right there.