Sensitivity - colleagues TTC

[edgeofheaven]

I have two DCs two years apart. DH and I work full time, our lives are a handful! Obviously as you do with colleagues I make comments about how they stress me out, fight with each other, etc - the life of a parent of two small kids.

However the two colleagues I work with most closely have revealed separately that they are TTC for #2 and facing unexplained infertility. Both have started investigations - one started Clomid and the other (42 years old) has been told essentially it's IVF or nothing for her now.

Am I being insensitive to make comments about the stresses of having two DCs around them now? I feel really awkward about it now.

I think it would be kind of you to be mindful of how often you moan. My good friend at work is also struggling with secondary infertility, she has a ds of 8 and has been trying since he was 2 with multiple losses. I'm pregnant with dd2, when she used to ask how things were going I would keep it vague. She was asking because she is a good friend, but she didn't want to listen to me moaning for 10 minutes about how hard I'm finding it this time around and how I can't wait to have the baby and not be pregnant ever again! That would be cruel.

Have either of them mentioned anything about how pregnancy announcements or conversations like your example make them feel?

I am in this boat as your colleagues and I do know it's hard having more than one but it does sometimes get me down to hear people complain but it can also make me sad when people talk about how lovely it is seeing their 2+ get on well. Unfortunately reminders are all around whatever.

For me the worst are comments like ’you're lucky you just have one’ or ’you done know how much hard work two are’ but I'm guessing you'd never say that kind of stuff given their circumstances.

I think it's nice that you want to be sensitivbe so maybe try to stick to common ground when it comes to talking about children, that way you can enjoy conversations without having to worry they may be feeling sensitive.