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WhatsApp issue with year 6/7 child

26 replies

CoraCrawley · 13/08/2019 17:46

Sorry, this is an essay!

DD is about to start secondary school. When they broke up, the year 6s started a WhatsApp group. Mainly full of nonsense but all fine. Now dd has had a run in with a boy who was in her class and I'm just thinking about the best way to tackle it.

This boy seemed perfectly pleasant, dd didn't have too much to do with him although his mother, who is lovely, is part of a group of friends I'm also in and we get on well, go out for coffee and meals etc. All good fun. Ordinarily I'd let it pass, dd won't especially see this boy again, different schools in September. So in theory I could just let it pass. The problem is what he wrote.

He had been effing and blinding on the group chat, the only one who was. DD (who admittedly can be a bit prim!) privately messaged him said that he might want to tone it down. He told her to fuck off, then called her a fucking piece of shit, a bitch and a n**r (we're not black btw in case that's relevant). He then sent her a voice message where he again called her a fucking piece of shit in such a cold menacing voice, I was shocked.

So how do I approach his mother? Or do I leave it as she won't really see him much? If he'd just been a bit rude then I wouldn't bother but what he said and how he said it really stunned me.

OP posts:
pinksquash13 · 13/08/2019 17:48

I would message the mother showing her what her son had said. Just in a ' thought you'd want to know'. I'd encourage your daughter to leave the chat if there is anymore.

thisisthetime · 13/08/2019 18:07

I think I’d let the mother know as it sounds as though she needs to curb this behaviour now and let him know how unacceptable it is. If he was my son I’d want to know, definitely a difficult position to be in though!

MWNA · 13/08/2019 18:10

I'd definitely share the voicemail with the mother (if it's saved).
She needs to hear her little oik being such a vile bully.

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CoraCrawley · 13/08/2019 18:13

DD has sent me screenshots and the voice message so I've got those. She was next to me as it was happening and I can see exactly what was said by both. She didn't say anything other than please try not to swear so much and he just went off on one.

OP posts:
womblessofwimbledon · 13/08/2019 18:26

Totally tell the mother
Delete WhatsApp and block the oik

Wildorchidz · 13/08/2019 18:28

Yes. Tell his mother.

CoolcoolcoolcoolcoolNoDoubt · 13/08/2019 18:32

Yep. What on Earth is he using that word for? She needs to know so she can act.

PotteryLady · 13/08/2019 18:32

Definitely let his mom know and then come off the app.

ElizaPancakes · 13/08/2019 18:33

I would want to know.

Jayaywhynot · 13/08/2019 19:03

My niece 13 yrs old received a couple of sexts from a boy in her class, my sister replied to the boy " hello boys name, this is mrs ××× your messages to are highly inappropriate and I will be showing them to your mum " tbf my sister was pretty shocked and replied on the spur of the moment. She received a gruelling apology back from the boy but still showed his mum! I liked her approach

LittleMissEngineer · 13/08/2019 19:49

This reply has been withdrawn

This has been withdrawn by MNHQ at the poster's request.

Ohmybloomers · 13/08/2019 19:59

Yes definitely tell the boys mum. Lots of kids swear for bravado but directing it personally at your daughter in a menacing way is totally out of order. And that's before he even used the disgusting n word.

Ohmybloomers · 13/08/2019 20:01

Also contrary to what other posters are saying, I don't see why your daughter should leave the group and miss out because one boy is being a little shit.

Chitarra · 13/08/2019 20:02

Tell his mother - but accept that this is, unfortunately, likely to affect your friendship with her.

mathanxiety · 13/08/2019 21:33

Very awkward, but you need to tell the mother.

youarenotkiddingme · 13/08/2019 21:51

Yes please tell the mum.

I like the factual approach. Let her decide on how to deal with it.

My son would be in a load of trouble.

CoraCrawley · 13/08/2019 22:10

DH is wondering if it's better coming from him as, although he knows her too, he's a bit detached from it all. The family are currently away so we have a bit of time to think this over.

OP posts:
JoshLymanIsHotterThanSam · 13/08/2019 22:15

As the mother of a son who is in a WhatsApp group exactlyas you’ve described-he’s just going up to senior school in September too-I’d want to know if it were my son.

(Hopes to god it isn’t actually my son!)

awsomeDean · 13/08/2019 23:18

I don't see why your daughter should leave the group and miss out

Why would she miss out leaving WhatsApp? She can keep the numbers of the kids she wants to and message them outside of WhatsApp.

WhatsApp is 16+

ChocolateTea · 13/08/2019 23:24

We had a similar situation a couple of weeks ago. A group of year 6/7 and I read it, and was shocked. I Hid the group message and messaged other parents as a group message, suggesting they read it too. I didn't have to single any parent or child out, the other parents were supportive once they'd read it too (couple messaged me separately saying they had concerns but weren't sure how to bring it up) and it's now calmed down a lot (one or two of the children told the group the parents were reading and talking about it with each other which helped)

mathanxiety · 14/08/2019 01:44

Good idea from DH.

It has to be done no matter who grabs the bull by the horns.

mathanxiety · 14/08/2019 01:45

If they are away, maybe it would be a good idea to do it asap so there will be time to let the dust settle before they return. Do you have an email address, or phone number to text them?

mathanxiety · 14/08/2019 01:45

*their email address...

CoraCrawley · 15/08/2019 20:39

Just a little update. Spoke to the mum who was fab. But her son is for the high jump by all accounts! Thanks for the support, she's glad I mentioned it and so am I.

OP posts:
Wildorchidz · 16/08/2019 09:59

You did the right thing.