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Original poster

I need help to look less grungy!

28 replies

Catladiesaremyheroes · 12/08/2019 14:18

Hi. Name changed, but here a long time (but I’ve friends irl who are on here).

Basically, over the past six months, several friends have commented on how I look “down and out”, “homeless”, “disheveled” and words to that effect. I’ve even had a concerned friend ask if I need support for my mental health. I don’t, I feel well!

The thing is, I feel really together mentally and physically. As a family, we’ve gone through a huge range of challenges and come out the other side intact. We own our house, mortgage paid off, children doing ok, and so on.

I’ve never been interested in clothes much, more of a clean, then it’s ok type. I have gotten stuck in a rut with black trackkies and long tees. Walk our dogs several times daily, so have scruffy comfy fleeces, etc. my hair is greying and can be wild.

Overall, I just don’t know what to do. These are real friends making these comments, not trying to be mean or condescending to me. So I do need to take their concerns on board I think.

Any suggestions?

OP posts:
tenredthings · 12/08/2019 14:24

Do you want to look smarter for yourself or is it just because of friend's comments ?

Original poster
Catladiesaremyheroes · 12/08/2019 14:26

I do want to look smarter! I had a look through photos that I’m in, and I do look frightful Blush.

I really am clueless, I need help.

OP posts:
candycane222 · 12/08/2019 14:27

Do you want to change the way you dress - a little bit at least?

If so, even a simple change to leggings/snugger stretch pants and not-so-long tees - and shorter hair? - might make a difference, without cramping your style or wasting your time??

If not, just say "no, I'm asolutely fine but I'm a natural scruff and I can't get interested in clothes whatsoever!"

candycane222 · 12/08/2019 14:29

Just seen your update. Stretch chinos can be smarter and still comfy too, if you want to take it up another notch? And it is a well-worn theme on Mumsnet but true - a good bra is worth the investment :)

Would definitley reccoment short hair if you are outdoorsy: though it does mean you will ahve to return to the hairdresser every couple of months.

Original poster
Catladiesaremyheroes · 12/08/2019 14:33

I’ve changed from a career that needed smart suits (so easy) to working from home, so I’ve just let myself go.

Candycane, when you say leggings and shorter T-shirt’s, like different colours too?

Don’t mean to sound so dim. In the past, I just went popped into M&S and bought whatever suits tops etc that were displayed together and never worried!

OP posts:
peachgreen · 12/08/2019 14:35

Decent haircut, tinted moisturiser (can get away with just concealer if you have good skin), a single blush/lip colour (you can get products that do both), mascara/get your eyelashes tinted, tidy your eyebrows in whatever way you prefer. Swap the trackies for jeans or quality jeggings and the long t-shirts for something a bit smarter (Sainsburys have loads of lovely, casual batwing tops at the mo which suit everyone). Decent pair of Chelsea boots, white trainers, wellies for dog walking.

I suspect the haircut and the tidy eyebrows will have the most impact.

Luckingfovely · 12/08/2019 14:35

Agree you can make small changes to really change the way you look.

First thing is a short, neat - but funky - haircut. And look after your hair and your skin.

And then invest in a few comfortable but nice basics. Slim jeans / heavy black leggings; nicer T-shirts - Bretons? And one good outer layer for dog walks. What do you wear on your feet?

Perfume can help with feeling more 'pulled together'.

A light 'BB' cream or similar won't feel too heavy on your skin, but will make you feel more done.

Or, of course, you can also decide that you are perfect the way you are and ignore them all!!

QuaterMiss · 12/08/2019 14:41

Where to start ...

What do you do apart from dog walking? Urban or rural? Are you turning up to your friends’ grand occasions (weddings, significant birthday parties?) in crappy old stuff with undone hair? (Or are they just unfeasibly fussy?)

And how much can you afford to spend? (You with the paid off mortgage ...)

lisbonholiday · 12/08/2019 14:46

Go to the hairdresser and get your hair sorted. You'd be surprised how much difference a bad hairstyle will make. Ask for something that looks smart but is easy for you to look after and maintain. Commit to going frequently to get it tidied up.

For clothes, start with a nice pair of jeans that you feel good in. Suitable shoes for dog walking is fine, but maybe consider a comfier/stylish pair of boots and trainers for other casual occasions. For tops go for something that fits and flatters, not just something big and baggy.

Original poster
Catladiesaremyheroes · 12/08/2019 14:48

Financially, we’re on a fairly tight budget. I went with clearing the mortgage to give greater flexibility to be at home, dealing with family, etc. It feels so great not to have the worry of paying the mortgage, but obviously now I have less money, savings etc.

I love tying my hair back, it’s long and halfway down my back, but springy and frizzy always.

I literally don’t own any makeup. My eyebrows are sparse but lively (as in what’s there is growing in different directions) and my eyelashes have greys 😊

I live in manky trainers. They’re so comfy.

OP posts:
QuaterMiss · 12/08/2019 14:55

All the ‘don’t care’ dog walkers I know wear lots of Toast. They are exactly the people who shouldn’t be allowed to shop there. Hmm Toast only works for people who know how to avoid half the stock. And wait for the sales.

But really, it doesn’t matter where you shop - it’s knowing what to choose. And that will be easier when you’ve followed all the excellent grooming advice above!

Original poster
Catladiesaremyheroes · 12/08/2019 14:59

I haven’t been to a hairdresser in so long! Also, those eyebrow places look so intimidating! Where do ordinary people (scruffs) go?

Thanks for the suggestions. It really clarified the areas I need to change.

OP posts:
PullingMySocksUp · 12/08/2019 15:01

I agree, you need slim fitting tracksuit bottoms. Try H and M.
Also a more fitted T-shirt and fleece on your top half.
Try and be vaguely colour coordinated.
Make sure your clothes aren’t too faded or bobbly.
Get some new version of your trainers and only wear the muddy ones for actual dog walks.

Original poster
Catladiesaremyheroes · 12/08/2019 15:05

At the moment I wear black everywhere (well, mostly faded and baggy).

OP posts:
candycane222 · 12/08/2019 15:14

Some good suggestions and not expensive!

Colour may not be so important as shape and condition tbh. Stick with a colour you are comfortable with. I am also grey, and I too wear a lot of black, but also some warm pinks/corals, and navy. I also find white/navy breton stripes surprisingly flattering - maybe try that?

Bbub · 12/08/2019 15:19

On eyebrows, I would never go to one of those fancy eyebrow places but Superdrug often has a lady who does threading/brow tints? Depending on where you are you might find one of those. They are not as intimidating :)

Tinting eyebrows even if you leave the grays in your head hair would make a lot of difference i think

You could also do tinting yourself, an £8 kit would last you best part of a year and its really easy to do

Original poster
Catladiesaremyheroes · 12/08/2019 15:33

Thanks everyone.

I’m making a list.
So far:
Eye brows
Eyelashes
Hair
Tighter trackkies
Less baggy tops
New trainers

There’s an old fashioned beauty salon close by, so I will check that out for my eyebrows/eyelashes as I know that I couldn’t cope with sitting on a chair in public!

I’ve looked at the Breton tops.... I’m rather top heavy 😊 wouldn’t they just make me look enormously wide?

With regards to trainers, the reason I’ve kept my aged pair is that I can just slip them on without worrying. Would a slip on pair of sketchers be too naff?

OP posts:
BlackCatSleeping · 12/08/2019 15:36

I get a cut and color once a month on pay day to keep the grey away. I mostly just wear jeans and a blouse. It looks smart and is easy to do. Get some nicer trainers. A little make up. I think it’s enough to get by.

BlackCatSleeping · 12/08/2019 15:37

I wear black Skechers. It’s a huge MN no-no, but I think it looks fine. They are really comfy and easy to wear.

SuzieQ10 · 12/08/2019 16:53

Must be fairly bad for your friends to have approached it with you.

Ditch trackies completely. And the fleeces.

Have a look around at what other people are wearing that looks comfortable. There's a big difference between comfortable and sloppy.

Kiwiinkits · 12/08/2019 16:57

Short hair looks so much nicer when there’s greys than long hair, IMO

Kiwiinkits · 12/08/2019 16:59

Instead of fleece, try a merino jacket from Icebreaker. They are pricey but will last for years. Jeans instead of track pants.

Bookworm4 · 12/08/2019 17:04

As the autumn comes in get good smart wellies/boots for dog walking much better than trainers. A good haircut & colour makes all the difference, I have very frizzy hair, I get a kerastraight treatment every 6 mths; makes a huge difference.

Constance1234 · 12/08/2019 17:07

I agree with the pp - ditch the trackies, get some decent leggings and instead of baggy T-shirts try some tunic length tops. That’s good you are checking out the beauty salon. Have you considered getting your nails done too? I always feel a bit more polished when I have my finger and toe nails done - even if my toes are not on show :)