Feeling trapped

[surlycurly]

Woke up feeling horribly trapped in my own life today. Single parent, no help, ex has minimal contact with kids so I can never make plans. Recently he cut the maintenance again so I'm broke and a bit resentful. I haven't had a kid free night in a long time (used to be alternate weekends and at least 4 full weeks a year) and I'm fed up. I also have a history of solo travels and I haven't had a trip in several years; I'm autistic- I need the space to recharge. DD has ongoing MH problems and it's grinding me down. No family to help and a limited social network but no one i could leave the kids with. I feel all I do is work and parent. Feeling that this was definitely not what I planned for my life. Anyone relate?

Just me then?

How old are DC?

15 and 12

Surely your children are reasonably self sufficient now so that they do not need your time 24/7 ?

Clearly not. But it's the sense of responsibility and the mental load that makes me stressed. That in combination with inconsistent access and having to cancel plans all the time. Got asked to a concert that I'd love to go to but I a) don't have the spare money and b) can't leave the kids alone that late. Just makes me feel like I have no life at all. I've had to cancel dates last minute and don't feel like I have a part of my life that's mine.

Why aren’t you getting the time off now?

I feel the same but am sure you can leave your children alone now, they are old enough.

Not sure what you mean @Tobebythesea. Other than my ex remarried and now hardly sees the kids any more. I get the odd hour here and there. It's not that the kids are stuck to me. But DD can flip in a second and needs me to be around at the drop of a hat. DS is still a bit young and needs supervised. So I can't leave them for long periods, or go far. They were supposed to go away with their dad for a week and DD cancelled last minute. I had to cancel the plans I had for the week as I couldn't leave her. Like I say, I'm ASD and need the down time where I can just worry about getting myself together. I can't have a proper night out or get drunk or go for a night away. Or book a holiday or trip. I'm trapped.