Feeling sad about sen sibling

[allhalewomen]

I have an adult sibling that is severely disabled. They are the only sibling that I have. My mum really tried her best throughout my childhood, but in some ways it was hard. They always had to come first, not through choice, but necessity. My mum made up for it in other ways, she always gave me everything I ever wanted. She listened to me and always did her best. Me and sibling are both adults now. We are a very close family and I love them both so much, I would do anything for either of them. I'm finding my sibling is still dictating my life in a lot of ways. Today we were supposed to be going out with family, my sibling had a huge meltdown this morning as he doesn't want to go so it's cancelled. This is one thing in the list of many, and our family will be flying back home tomorrow. I just feel sad and frustrated about how things have turned out. I love my sibling so much, it's always been the two of us. And I understand he can't help it, I think I just need to find ways to deal with how I'm feeling- and how iv always felt. I think this has brought back memories from the past where going out was very stressful as a child, and I feel so bad for my lovely mum who had no help from anyone. Just wanted to chat.

I know exactly what you mean. My DB is three years younger than me and is autistic. Sometimes I feel he ruins everything (he kicked off so much recently that the rest of my family couldn’t come on holiday for my 40th birthday) I felt terrible for being so upset about it! You are so right it does bring back memories, I hadn’t realised that was probably why it upset me so much

As much as we love our siblings it’s ok to acknowledge how hard it is.

My DD has severe disabilities and I won’t ever have any other children, partly as I wouldn’t want them to go through that sort of shit.

As the parent of a child with severe disabilities I also have an older son,it's hard all round ,unfortunately the child with the disabilities sometimes has to come first because of their needs , I try to make sure ds1_isn't left out and what often happens is instead of doing things as a family either d h or i will will do something with ds1 and vice versa ,ds1 knows I hope that i love him just as much as his brother it's just sometimes ds2 needs are paramount I know it's not fair but what else can you do.

I know exactly how you feel. My younger brother is autistic and my poor Mum has done all she can to keep him at home. She has not one friend, she never goes out.

She's never seen my home in the States and she never will because she can't leave him.

While his needs obviously come first as he's so vulnerable, when I was pregnant with ds I was desperate for her to come here and be at the birth or soon after.

Is your DM open to the idea of respite care and outside help?

My mum has no respite care or help. I have my sibling twice a week for her so she can go out and get things done. Me and my mum have a great relationship, but obviously (and rightly) sibling comes first- especially now I'm an adult- and whilst he is an adult mentally he is a child still. I don't know why today upset me as much as it has.
I think as they have become older, their behaviour has become more demanding in other ways, there's a lot of things I HAVE to do- or they will have a meltdown: and a lot of things that I can't do- for the same reason. Mentally my sibling is probably 5/6 years old. It's so hard sometimes and I feel selfish for even thinking that way.