Please talk some sense into me - Holiday panic

[IWasNotExpectingThis]

Hi all. NC. I really was not expecting to feel like this at all. I will soon turn 50 and as my celebration, we're taking a family road trip to the USA and Canada for 3 weeks. We leave tomorrow. As the date has been approaching, I have been feeling more and more panicky inside. I don't want to tell my DH as he's been working extremely hard to make this happen. Right now I feel like I just want to be in my home and sleep in my bed and feel safe in familiar surroundings.

I have not done any research on the destinations, I have not started packing, and I am really struggling to accept that I won't be in my home for the next three weeks. For some ridiculous reason this makes me feel really vulnerable.

I do realise this is so stupid, it's not like we're going to some third world country, DC are 13 and 16 so not little babies at all!!!

Is this pre-menopause panicking? Anything I can get off the pharmacy today that will help me tomorrow?

I'd say it's menopausal anxiety. Get yourself a copy of the book ' Feel the fear and do it anyway' by Susan Jeffers. It's brilliant and explains how fear is an essential part of progress, adventure and moving forward in life. It teaches how to embrace our fears as something positive. It helped me embrace traveling solo.

I did the big trip two years ago, for my 50th... My DD2 and I went round parts of the USA and Canada.for 8 weeks! (she was 23 not a child) Neither of us had done anything remotely like it before... but she was changing jobs and coming home and decided to go, and asked me to go,

I booked it all on the internet.. scary, but you know what? It was amazing!!! The whole 8 weeks we only had one messed up flight out of 11, (flight cancelled and had to wait 5 hours) and one ..got uber to the wrong place. .. at 1am! But it was all fine. No bears ate us, we didn't get sick, and people couldn't have been lovelier!
We did a mix of hotels, air bnbs and online friends (who turned out to be normal not axe murderers)

At the end of 8 weeks we were happy to come home, (which was still standing and DH had redone the garden bless him) and I'd do it again.

Go, enjoy, one you are on your way it will be fine.
PS Banff is SO beautiful!

I was going to say what Kam said - the people are so nice and friendly and the service is so great, honestly even if you get in a flap or lost or anything you’ll have loads of people to help you out without batting an eyelid. Toronto is a big city but it doesn’t feel like one at all.

Some practical things you can do to tackle this now:

For today, put one foot in front of the other and get your packing etc done.

Then download this book: www.amazon.co.uk/Dare-Anxiety-Stop-Panic-Attacks-ebook/dp/B0158S7E1G/ref=tmm_kin_swatch_0?_encoding=UTF8&tag=mumsnetforu03-21&qid&sr to read on the journey. It will help you to understand that fear and excitement are so close to each other and trigger the same bodily responses. Therefore, you can try and reframe the anxiety thoughts and feelings as excitement and anticipation.

For those anxious thoughts, you could consider starting some meditation on the plane. Download a meditation app like Calm, Headspace or Buddhify or get a book like The Little Book of Mindfulness which is dead short, or Ruby Wax Frazzled if you want something a bit more involved. The rationale for mindfulness is that you need to bring your head in to the present moment. Currently your head is running away in to the future to all the things that could possibly go wrong - an accident, a bear attack, boredom - but actually those things haven't happened yet. All you have is the present, this moment, now. The future hasn't happened yet and the past has gone. So every time you notice your head running off in to the future in an unhelpful way, gently bring your attention back to whatever your'e doing in this moment and be present.

There's more to it than what I've written obviously, but that's some starting points to get you on the plane!

for you OP, I know it's horrible to feel like this!

Visit Pharmacy; Kalms work for me

First things first; it will be fine. Everyone will have a great time and in the unlikely event you’re sick you’re insured and there are doctors everywhere.

Everything is booked; you just have to do it. After the first couple of days you’ll be in the swing of it.

3 weeks looks enormous at the start. I can tell you now at 2 weeks down and 1 to go, I wish I’d booked 4.

Have a lovely time. Canada and the US are literally built for trips like yours. There are 4 of you; let the others share the heavy lifting.

I don't normally suffer from anxiety and I'm nowhere near menopause, but I get like this before holidays - I start hoping there's an ash cloud or something so I can't go!

I've learned to just accept like I'm going to feel like this despite knowing that it's irrational, and it's all going to be ok. It always is.

If your husband has been working hard on the holiday I bet you have nothing to worry about at all. Things to do can be researched on-the-go using google & google maps - you could ask your kids to do some research too. Like you say, you're going to a place with very similar shops etc to here, so if you forget anything it will be available.

Have a great time!

We did a US road trip last year. I felt a bit like you do, and I HATE flying long-haul so had spent weeks thinking about how dire the flight would be.

In the end I just took a deep breath, packed the rucksak and went, determined to enjoy the adventure.........and I did.

You'll have a ball - make some space in your head to enjoy it all.

I've seen rescue remedy spray in pig slabs believe it or not.

Pig slabs... poundland. 🤔🤷🏻‍♀️

We go away every summer but it's always Spain/France, nothing as adventurous

This really won't be that different from that type of holiday, and you'll have the advantage of not having the language barrier.

I sympathise, OP. We are planning a big 3 week US trip in a couple of years and already I am wondering how I am going to cope with the worry. I don’t have anxiety generally (except with the usual stuff like job interview etc) but I have noticed it creeping up in correlation with my age so I think that it’s also hormone related with me too.

We went normally go to France or Spain too and normally self catering/hire car/private villa etc so this year when we booked something totally different for us (an all inclusive package holiday to the canaries) I was out of my comfort zone.

Before we went I worried about all of it, I even put off packing till last minute too like you (ostrich!). looking back now it seems ridiculous. The holiday was so lovely and so easy and we all had a great time. I think it was just because it was different from what we normally do so I wasn’t sure how we would get on with it. And because it is a lot of money it makes it worse.

So apart from hormones I think you’re also worrying more because it’s not like anything you’ve done before. I think you will de stress bit by bit at the different stages. Ie once you’re checked in at the airport that’s a weight off, once your plane journey is going fine that’s another bit off, once you’re sitting in the hire car with the suitcases in and your itinerary ready to go that’ll be another bit etc etc, and by the time you’ve done one day travelling over there you’ll feel so much better and just able to enjoy everything you experience without worrying about “the next stage.”

Re our US trip I know i’ll be exactly like you. I am even reading stuff in the news and worrying about how that will have an effect eg I read about how changes to the jet stream may eventually make turbulence when flying worse, so now in my mind by the time we are going i’ll Need a sick bag and diazepam for the plane!!

I think Kalms are worth a try but I think the effect needs to build up a bit so might not be as effective for you at this late stage of travelling.

Have a lovely lovely time, and do come back and update the thread on your return to let us know what fantastic things you experienced! You will be totally fine, just keep doing things stage by stage and your anxiety will turn to excitement soon enough!

You've all been so kind and helpful thank you, this is really helping.
We will have the language barrier as we'll mostly be spending out time in French Canada. I know everyone's speaks English too, it's whether they'll want to!
In my mind I feel I need to pack my whole house for a 3 week break so far away but again, I'm being silly ain't I? The reality is that I'll wear 4 maybe 5 outfits in rotation. All Airb&b's have been booked and have washing machines.
Would you recommend I buy toiletries for the whole family here or wait till we arrive in Toronto?
Tipping stresses me out too, as it's not something we do here and I can't bear getting it wrong. We won't eat out every single day, so I am assuming fast food joints and supermarket cashiers don't require tipping?

I agree with rescue remedy, really helps me.

We went away for 4 weeks and somehow had less weight in our luggage than for our usual week holiday! You can do it!

Oh no, OP, you’ve just added “tipping” to the other thing I had to start stressing about!

I think with stuff like that Google or MN US experts are your friends. These things always feel a bit tricky the first two or three times you do it and then it will become second nature.

I’m impressed you’ve done the Airbnb! I’ve never used it, I think I read a story a couple of years back about someone’s bad experience of a stay and that has completely wiped out in my mind all the great things people have told me about their own personal experiences of using it. It’s ridiculous, I’m aware. And I know things can go wrong on other booking websites so I know I’m being irrational but I tend to just stick to what already have experience of.

Your DH has clearly done his research if he’s thought about ensuring each place has a washing machine so you’ll be fine!!

We did a big Canadian trip last year starting in Vancouver and finishing up on the east coast. Toronto is lovely and there were no issues with people not wanting to speak English in Montreal either. Have fun!

Op I suffer badly from anxiety and find the following helps me (I'm currently sat on a beach in Rhodes)

Lists. Write stuff down like a brain dump and get it all out of your head. This helps reduce the mental load for me.

I write a packing list and split it into categories. I have daytime clothes, evening clothes, toiletries, misc, things to do /research etc. So I packed and counted out an outfit for each evening were here plus maybe one extra option. Do the same with daytime. Add onto your research list things such as tips, places to eat, cost of toiletries etc and mark off each one as you have completed it. For me, putting it all down on paper helps me feel more in Control because I can clearly see what I need to do and what I need to pack. This lists help lessen the burden from my brain. There are certain things you can't change such as location so perhaps writing those down will at least reduce the load slightly. You have plenty of time to organise things and don't be afraid to ask for help also even if it's simple things.

You can't change what's happening but you can change your approach towards it. You can even start with one big list which doesn't necessarily have to make sense at the time, then reorganise or rewrite it as you go. I find ticking things off very satisfying.😁 You will have a great time, yes there are a lot of unknowns but just try your best to take the bull by the horns and gradually get yourself organised.

🤗 🤗 🤗

Re toiletries, I would take a set of basics now. Eg makeup remover, soap/shower gel, moisturiser, deodorant,toothpaste and toothbrushes. Anything you run out of you can buy there. (Although I would probably take contact lens solution for the full trip, however wouldn’t panic if I ran out, they will have similar there). The same with anything extra you find you need while there . Eg this year I forgot to take some nail varnish and my toenails needed perking up so i bought some while I was there. It was cheaper than at home and was from a shop that was 2 mins walk from where I was staying.

Re medical stuff, I usually only pack paracetamol, plasters, antiseptic cream and diarrhoea tablets (and depending on insects, 🦟 repellent. Oh and antihistamines as DS as a peanut allergy). To me you only need the essentials to get you out of a pickle, enough to be able to get to a pharmacy and buy something more specialist.

Did similar trip at similar age, was worrying and found once we got going it was all fine. I'd take some toiletries from home and but anything needed at boots once through security. All you really need are prescription meds and travel docs and payment methods. I found that a comforting thought in case I forget anything.
I found writing a packing list massively helpful.
You'll have a great time once you get going.
I did!

I also think that people of are generation maybe remember going on trips abroad when they were much younger and when there really wasn’t the proliferation of shops available in some places on holiday. Pre supermarkets everywhere. And certainly before the likes of Boots were at airports. (Not sure id want to drag a bag full of all my family’s toiletries onto the plane with me so I only use Boots at airports for things I’ve forgotten to pack in my hold luggage or bottles of water etc)

A couple of years ago we drove to France via Eurotunnel for the first time since DH and I had done it as kids in the 80s wirh our own parents. It was completely different. I remember my mum being anxious at having forgotten whatever item and having to hunt around to try and get hold of it. This time round, it was a 20 min drive to a large French supermarket which we found to be even better than our nearest one in the U.K. depends where you stay of course, but I did find it a much easier experience than travelling in the old days when shopping was very different and quite traditional.

And of course having all the info you need on the Internet is a massive help. In the 80s you were a bit lost in terms of where some facilities were located, it took much more effort to find out.

We took my parents with us to France the other year and they are getting on a bit now with some health worries. My dad is on warfarin and needed his bloods checking whilst we were there. We managed to get it done at a nearby clinic (despite seemingly being quite rural) and have the results emailed to us the same day. All helped greatly by the wonders of the Internet!

See, OP, it’s not like how you remember the difficulties of holidays abroad when you were a kid. Planning and researching and shopping are so much easier these days. And you can even come on here when you’re away and ask for specific advice too, there will always be someone knowledgeable about the area.

Have a lovely trip!

Thank you again everybody. I feel pretty calm right now. I have packed several times, removed some stuff, packed again, things are still around the case and I'm wondering how I'm going to fit them in. If we jam pack our suitcases we won't be able to buy anything to bring back!

You will be fine in the French speaking areas. I can't remember French being spoken in Toronto. Canada is a very gentle place. Have a great holiday.

Hey OP. I live in Toronto. It’s a lovely place! We sell toiletries here!

Re tipping, I do 15% in a restaurant. Nowhere else needs tipping - it’s not that different from the UK.

I hope you have a wonderful trip!

Right. Priority number 1 right now is to pack.

You don’t need to buy anything new (you can get toiletries etc there); just pack what you already have.

For each person:
Toothbrush / personal toiletries
7 x underwear
7 x tops
2 x warm tops
3 x ‘bottoms’
1 x ‘nice outfit’
Trainers
Sandals
Boots (if it’s that sort of holiday)

Between you:
Electronics
Shampoo
Shower gel
Chargers

Anything else you can buy out there.

Pack it. Put it by the door.

Then you need to get house sorted.

Empty fridge
Ensure windows are shut/locked
Set timers for lights if you have them
Job done.

Then get a good nights sleep and enjoy your trip

OP you’re going to have a fantastic time!

Please don’t worry. I stayed with a family in Quebec for three weeks and it was incredible! Every person I met was so lovely and completely fluent in English. This was a small town as well.

Be sure to try poutine and have a donut in Tim Hortons. The pancakes are out of this world too.

It’s a beautiful place and I’d live there in a heartbeat.

My in-laws take an empty one to the US - they love shopping so bring a full one back!