how to deal with a husband my fam are slowly beginning to dislike

[Chocice79]

long story so every Sunday we go round my parents for dinner I have a younger bro and sis but they are in their 30's so none of us are kids. the issue started when my sis suddenly brought her new bf round even from the get go my husband has shown signs of jealousy accusing me of wanting to be with my sis bf! saying he didn't went him at our wedding even though my sis was my only bridemaid could hardly not have him there so he came things seem fine but then months later at my daughter bday, husband calls my sis after a huge argument with me telling her that she doesn't want him at my daughter family party. as can imagine this went down not well. but apologies and excuses where made and my sis came to the bday alone. that was more the 6 months ago now and everytime my sis see him it's awkward but she is polite. now for yesterday sis come round with bf again backstory.. .my husband mum died a while ago they weren't speaking and now his dad is quite ill and so he got quite attached to my dad who he is always going out to watch football with so I think the real issue with my sister bf is that he is worries he gonna come into my fam and take all of my dad attention away from him. anyway so sister bf came into my parents home while he is txting his bro bout their dad instead of saying Hi he just put his hand up and sort of waves and nods like he thinks that an ok way to acknowledge someone! so after a very arkward standoff with my dad being aren't u going to say hello. my sis and bf come downstairs and say how they have just been ignored! they go into the garden where my toddler daughter follows them and start playing football. husband then rushing downstairs picks up my daughter and basically runs out the front door mumbling bout taking her to the park! he refused to bring her back and would only come back with after I refused to leave before eating my mum's dinner he came and I had to go outside and get i car. I'm so upset the the whole thing my sis is done with him my mum doesn't even want my husband in the house and it's our 1st year wedding anniversary next wkend :-(

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You all sound incredibly immature. Find something else to do on a Sunday.

That's a bit harsh pp.

OP I can see you are very upset. There's a few different things going on here. Since your argument with husband yesterday, have you managed to have a calm conversation with him about his behaviour?

Is your DH willing to get help for his difficult behaviour?

“My husband mum died a while ago....and now his dad is quite ill...”
“ ..so sister bf came into my parents home while he is txting his bro bout their dad instead of saying Hi he just put his hand up and sort of waves and nods like he thinks that an ok way to acknowledge someone! “

FGS have some empathy. Your husband’s dad is ill and could possibly die and he’s in the middle of texting his brother about their very sick father and a nod and a wave is not good enough for sisters bf as a hello? Your husband’s mind is on potentially losing his dad right after having just experienced the death of his mum! The fact they were t speaking could actually be worse as there may be buckets of regret and guilt he is dealing with too.
But OMG he didn’t actually say out loud the word “hello” he only nodded and waved.
Have you considered he may know your sisters bf or of him and may have heard the bf is an unsavoury character? It is unlikely he’s taken an irrational dislike to him.

I’d have left too if in your husband’s shoes. Dealing with a sibling about a very ill parent and still nodding/waving hello but then hearing that person start complaining loudly in my child’s presence that I didn’t actually say “hi” and how horrible I am behaving and how mortally offended they are that I did not say the word “hi” to them in the kitchen like that is sooooo much more important than me and my brother dealing with an ill parent!

firstly we had visited my father in the law the day before and my mum looked looked after my daughter no questions ask now the next day wants to bring the drama into their house he has only met my sis bf like 4 times and they stated going out 6 months after we did so it's not like he some nobody yes his dad is ill but why should he be allowed to keep getting away with this behaviour when the bf hasn't actually done anything to him ! and it wasn't the bf complaining he had been ignored it was my dad who first said something then my sister when she saw me in the kitchen and husband was upstairs

The whole thing seems very immature.

Your family need to get a bit of a grip overall (who sees someone is dealing with something and then goes downstairs to complain the greeting wasn't good enough, whether they started it or not you just don't say anything ).
Whilst your DH is clearly struggling, and understandably so, he also needs to be away that he can't start getting jealous about your sister's boyfriend.

Your family sound like they have a bit of an enmeshed dynamic (which can bring lots of lovely closeness and support but also makes it hard for family members to fly the nest and manage their own lives without criticism and judgement). Your husband has perhaps initially slotted into this dynamic because he craves the closeness. Although the weirdness with the boyfriend is odd - i guess you are right that he feels threatened, and he’s right isn’t he, the bf has now been accepted and he is being rejected (this might be playing out a sibling pattern in his own family?) However now he is experiencing the group disapproval and you are enmeshed so you only see it from their point of view.
You need to create some healthy distance from your family now and then if you want a healthy relationship. You’re married, so its for You and him to sort this out, not anyone else.

A wave to say hi while he was in the middle of a conversation like that is fine. Your parents aren't strangers to him.
Get out of your parents pockets for a bit and stop going every Sunday.

Please write with proper punctuation and paragraphs otherwise it is a hard read!

Take your bloody husbands side for once instead of your family’s. Why did he think you fancied the BF? Why does he thing your dad prefers the BF? Maybe his own issues with his mum have made him feel a bit unloveable or like he will be rejected. You siding with your family isn’t going to help. You all sound overly dramatic and self important in your family. Get a grip.

my family are close.and yes husbands family aren't and yesterday while i sat in front of everyone while he ran off I did to defend him but how can I when he is being so rude to the bf who has only met a handful of times and yes my husband has been accepted into the family easily and I think my sis was trying to do the same with her bf now she is living with him but it can't happen if my husbands keep on having a issue everytime he sees him

First reply was correct.

Paragraphing would encourage more people to bother to read this.

This is the enter key. It's near the right side of the keyboard.

Every time you start a new idea, press this key twice. This will create a new paragraph. Do this at maximum every four sentences.

Basically, your husbands a bit of a knob and I can see why your parents have got sick of him.

He had thrown a strop after meeting your sisters bf once because he thought his wife fancied him?!? Is it not a red flag enough for you to have your husband act like that? It isn't normal and there's no excuse for it. 'Oh he's just jealous because he is close with me dad...' Do you hear the excuses you are making?! He's a grown man!

As for what happened with your parents, I'm not sure I'm following but if I were that bf I wouldn't even have wanted to be there after the way your husband had acted. And I would have expected an apology for his bull. He didn't seem to feel the need and then, in typical fashion, stropped off in a huff again. Surprise surprise.

I'd be thinking long and hard about this relationship. It sounds like you are with a controlling man child and your parents now have his ticket.

Your husband sounds really immature. Your dad sounds like he thinks he’s parenting pre teens. I can see why though with all this silliness.

Your dh sounds jealous and he's acted like a knob
Seriously though, are you all 16? It's ridiculous

God this sounds exhausting! You all need to get a grip. Seeing your family every Sunday is WAY OTT especially as they sound like the Manson Family!

Does your husband have feelings for your sister? Also agree - paragraphs are your friend, more people with bother to read your OP if you use them!

my parents live only 15mins away and I have their only grandchild so seeing them once a week I don't think is unreasonable sometimes my bro or sis are there just depends

Why do you need to see them all together on a Sunday? How is your relationship with your husband the rest of the week? What does your husband actually say about the event after it’s over? How does he feel about it all? What do you think is the way forward?

Terracotta - I just wanted to point out that quite often on the mobile app, paragraphs don't always appear. No idea why and I have mentioned it to Mumsnet. It works for a bit and then randomly stops which makes a long post hard work to read.

after I went home he blamed my dad saying to him why didn't he say hi as a reason he ran off he said rather that the have a argument as for way forward i don't know cos my sis is off on holiday for a few wks so I'm sure he will just try and act like nothing happend but what when she comes back? again will just be arkward when I never needed to be.

Thanks @TerracottaLeggy

Couldn't get through that all @Chocice79 but read enough to be surprised that people in their 30s carry on like this.