So fed up about football season starting up again!

[confusedofengland]

Warning: This is long & whingey, my apologies but I need to let it out!

DH went to the first football match of the season today. I am not a fan of football at all. DH is a season ticket holder for a Premiership club, who are based 120 miles away (in his home city). He tries to attend every home game. When he does that he either leaves me at home with 2 out of 3 Dses with no car (awkward in a village on a Sunday when no buses) or we stay with PIL. This is nice when we are all together, but the match time (they are gone 5 hours) is really difficult for me as MIL has dementia & cannot understand DS2's behaviour, as he is autistic. I cannot leave them alone together even to go to the toilet as one would meltdown & FIL takes me being there as an opportunity to have a rest, as he is MIL's full-time carer.

DH & DS1 also have football training/matches every Saturday & Sunday afternoon, again taking the car. DS2 would not cope with spectating at these matches, although sometimes we will walk to meet them from training. DH is coach & chairman of the youth team DS1 plays for, so he is very committed & does not like to miss a training session or game. He also spends 1-2 hours most nights on paperwork/organising things & has 3 evening meetings a month.

Then when they can't watch a match live, they like to watch it on TV, so I have to entertain the 2 little Dses, or at least keep them out of the way. Ditto for match of the day.

I understand that this is important to DH & DS1, but quite honestly, when they went to the first match today & I realised it is all about to start again after a few weeks off, I cried. I dread those times at weekends now We do have family time when they're back & showered, but 2 half days doesn't feel like anywhere near enough. The DC don't see DH during the week much as he leaves for work at 7.45am & returns at 9pm or later, so they're in bed. DH got so upset with me for trying to explain this, but it's just so tough I know he is also worrying about his mum, but it seems like he places a higher priority on football (hence going to the match today & leaving me with her & DC), then her, then me & DC have whatever is left

I could ask him to choose 5 really important matches to watch. But then I think he'd suddenly find that he needs to visit MIL anyway, so why not go to the match while he's there?!

I don't think that would work, if I'm honest. For a start, he'll hate it, as would I... you'd never know what the important matches were going to be! But also, he'd have to keep his season ticket or he'd have no chance of getting tickets, so the temptation would constantly be there.

If I was you, I'd make a list of the options and ask him to either identify another one that works for everyone or pick one with you.

They appear to be;
Moving closer to the ground - towards his family but away from yours, and further from both of your works, from the sound of it?
Getting a second car/renting a second car on weekends - not great environmentally but would give you some mobility
Agreeing that you stay at home when they go - Okay, if he finds another time to take the kids to see his PIL, but probably not ideal without another car for you to use
He takes all the kids/most of the kids - Again, okay, but not ideal without a car
He picks a limited number of games - Might be tough if he has to keep his season ticket anyway
He picks a game a fortnight to see in person, and you do one week on, one week off - That could work. It's more than most fans go. Presumably he can watch games that he's not physically at at home or in the pub anyway; and take some of the kids?Maybe not ideal, still, but better than where you are right now

I'd probably also be telling him that he needs someone to take over youth coaching now; because right now he has two very time consuming hobbies and two kids he doesn't see much.