Quiet boy worried Dad

[DaddyPhil]

To my joy recently my wife gave birth to a little baby girl.

Our first child, Ben, Who is currently 21 months old, has had quite a dramatic change in character when she arrived about 3 months ago. And has not really gone back to ‘normal’

B is currently 21 months old. I can’t be totally sure that this character change has started exactly in line with our second child arriving but it is quite a shift, and I can’t help but worry a bit.

He has become quite introverted, playing a lot on his own, not talking very much (he was always very chatty), not listening and being ‘zoned out’ most the time, avoiding eye contact with me and my wife, and wanting to submerge him self in cartoons and space alone whenever possible.

It is very hard being ignored, being avoided and as I have a disabled younger brother myself my head keeps going to the place where I’m worried that he’s autistic. I know this may be crazy but I just wanted to get other people’s point of view on if they’ve experienced anything similar. And any advice on how to cope.

My wife and I run a business from home so we are both here with both the children. Therefore we have quite a lot of flexibility in how we manage this.

Sounds to be to be quite normal. My oldest son was 21 months when his brother was born and he was the same. It's a period of adjustment, they aren't really old enough to understand the concept of a sibling, and it's just some baby that's entered their lives and they're feeling a bit off about the whole thing, you were his, and now he's sharing you. At 21 months I wouldn't be freaking out, I'm certain it's just because of the big change.

He' will be invited to a 2 year review soon

It must be really tough for you all to see such a change in your son. What is he like when you spend time with him alone?

It's probably down to the change in family dynamic and his age, there's a lot going on developmentally for him and it can all sometimes be a bit much for some children.

One of my DC didn't take too kindly to having a younger sibling and some of the things that helped were making sure to give him one to one time with each of us, it didn't even have to be a big deal just simple things like reading a story in a room away from the baby or playing in the garden or doing a jigsaw puzzle. I made sure not to put too much pressure on him to be a "big boy" and a "big brother" because he was having difficulty with no longer being the baby. When he did acknowledge the baby and did anything kind such as giving the baby a toy or fetching a nappy of his own accord, I gave him lots of praise. If both of them needed something then wherever possible I would see to him first because i figured the baby wouldn't remember waiting for a few minutes but he would.

I can understand why you're worried about autism especially with a family history of it, I have two child with ASD so I get the worry, but at this stage there isn't much that can be done and the advice from professionals would be to monitor the situation as he will probably grow out of it.

The same. I take him out to do something most mornings and ignores me. I'm currently rock baby to sleep and my wife is out with him at a play area - being ignored. He just zoned out in the car too. Occasionally he'll want play with me/us. But not much.

Just wants Duggee or Peppa on the TV the whole time

Thanks guys. God my stress levels are already better.

My bro has downs, I've also worked with disabled kids for a number of years but kind help the worries.

Just nice hear it's not abnormal.

Very tough when everyone else's kids seem to be massively extroverted.

All part of the challenge I guess