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What do you belong to? Where do you belong?

106 replies

IHeartKingThistle · 11/08/2019 14:28

I'd love some responses on this - I'm writing a collection of poems for my MA and I'm focusing on groups of people and the sense of belonging that you get from being in a group of some kind. Apologies if that sounds pretentious - I'm trying very hard to avoid that!

Please can you tell me what groups you are part of, or have been part of, that make you feel like that, even a bit? Anything at all would be appreciated.

OP posts:
Graphista · 12/08/2019 02:02

Over the years I have often, probably mainly felt I DON'T belong.

But now looking back I realise there were/are times and situations I do/did feel I belonged.

The groups associated with that feeling were/are:

Choirs - I've sung since I was 5/6 in choirs, started in church, then school choirs and I've rarely not belonged to one since. I'm not the best singer but I can hold my own and the pleasure I get from it has never waned.

Army brat - this is a really hard one to explain to "non-members" because part of it IS a sense of never belonging... Always being the new kid at school, having a weird accent and even a language (via slang and experience) that nobody can identify, having a lifestyle that most other kids barely understand...

...but other brats also understand how it feels when the serving parent is deployed, the fear of something happening to them, having to adjust to being in a one parent family temporarily then back to a 2 parent one sometimes several times in a year, how it is to be raised in a military setting, sometimes living in secure locations so that coming and going from home requires security checks and you can't just invite a friend who doesn't live on the base on a whim, I was a brat during the time of the troubles so that's an additional layer of belonging as brats that experienced that, I think are different to those who didn't, but equally if living on a secured base parents were more comfortable letting us come and go as we pleased because they felt we were safer, but also the advantages of travelling around and experiencing living in different places, inc overseas, there's a certain security comes from being a brat as in housing (although not great quality unless officers quarters), your serving parent can't easily, suddenly be made redundant, there's a real sense of community in terms of younger kids being looked out for when playing out by older kids, there's a great social side to it with groups and clubs for anything from sports to quizzes to stamp collecting at most locations.

Only another brat understands why it's so hard to answer a very simple question which is asked by most people when you first meet them...

"So where are you from?"

Because it's entirely possible to have several answers in mind:

Where you were born - and if you have full siblings and you all answer differently based on this it confuses hell out of people! Me and my siblings are all uk born but 3 different locations a good distance away from each other.

where your parents are from and consider home (in my parents case they're both from the same city having met before dad joined up, but there's obviously quite a lot of brats with parents from different places, this can easily include, usually mums, one parent from a foreign country met while dad was stationed there)

A place that you have no connection to except having lived there, but if that was a relatively long posting and you made good friends and it was a nice place it can become a "spiritual" home. Some brats have one of these, some more than one, some none...

University - Later in life, as a "geek" I was often made fun of at school for liking education. I didn't go to uni straight after school but several years later the first time and in my 30's the 2nd, I felt a small sense of belonging the first time but not totally? But the 2nd time I really felt I'd found my place, if being a permanent student could be a job it'd be perfect for me, and I don't mean just the "fun" stuff which as a single mum I was ltd in enjoying anyway, but the mental stimulation and NOT having the piss ripped out of me for showing enthusiasm for learning. I absolutely loved it.

Single parenthood - not necessarily a group people want to belong to, but there is still a sense of camaraderie within it. An understanding other single parents specifically resident parents have of the challenges AND the rewards. I wouldn't have chosen membership to this group, but I am grateful for the times other single parents have supported, understood, commiserated...

"Scotland - my Scottishness is important to me." I'm very proud to be scots but I've experienced prejudice as a Scot living in the uk outside scotland AND since moving back and experiencing prejudice based on "not quite" having a local accent and being regarded with suspicion at times as a result. Particularly bad during indyref (I'm in a vocally yes area, though weirdly results didn't match that) so my experience of being a Scot has not been completely positive.
I love Scotland and the majority of scots but yes, I've come across some arseholes too.

YeOldeTrout · 12/08/2019 08:03

I wanted to say nowhere, but I suppose I'm pretty comfortable at work, with scientists. No other tribe fits me sort of well. I have a lot of other interests but I'm not 'like' the other people who do any of those other interests.

Adversecamber22 · 12/08/2019 08:17

Over my life
Trade union rep
Women’s rights campaigner
Choirs church and women’s choirs
Church
Voluntary organisations for homelessness, food poverty, MH issues
Gaming clans
Writing group

I like to do things and that is how I feel a part of something. I’m quite intense and very focussed which means I always get things done whilst mere mortals are still reading the instruction pamphlet. It also means people find me odd. For example on an IT training day, I would finish the entire course in about an hour, all the exercises, worked out what was relevant and what was dross when my colleagues were still on page 5.

I play an MMO game and I feel at home there when I’m playing online with my mates. Also just sat with DH and DS that’s my sense of belonging,

janeyre · 12/08/2019 09:26

Scouts. I only have one friend I’m still in touch with who I met in Scouting, but quite a few of my friends are Scouts met elsewhere and it’s a brilliant ice breaker at social events as once you discover someone is a Scout there is a wealth of shared experiences. I am also very proud of my home group!
Orchestras. I don’t belong to a specific one at the moment, which is sad, but playing together I think gives a special sense of belonging even when you’ve only just met your section. I also feel a sense of belonging within my own particular instrument section and have made close friends through this.

GoneWishing · 12/08/2019 09:36
  • An art group
  • A book club
  • An informal friendship group which began as a more formal volunteering group
  • A profession
  • A wider family, although sometimes reluctantly
  • Various online groups for various purposes
janeyre · 12/08/2019 09:50

Thinking about it, strangely I feel much more at home on the hills where my parents grew up than on the coast where I did. Inherited memory perhaps?

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