I think I’ve gone mad

[DoesThisLookRight]

I have been so very stressed and unhappy lately. Everything is going wrong and my life is so far from where I’d hoped it would be. I woke up this morning and didn’t get out of bed. It took until 9am before dh sent the kids up to find out what we were doing today. I told them I’m not getting out of bed and told them to go to the zoo. I had to get them washed and dressed, find the passes, pack a lunch and a bag as dh is incapable any of that though. They went out and I went for a walk.

I’ve just got back and I don’t know what to do with myself. I feel very odd, I can fully understand Alan Partridge gorging on Toblero and driving to Dundee in his socks. I’m just so tired of doing and saying the same things every single day a thousand times over.

Am I having a breakdown of some sort do you think? If so, what should I do? I don’t think I need to go to the doctors. I just want to go to sleep.

I can fully understand Alan Partridge gorging on Toblero and driving to Dundee in his socks

I get like this sometimes and always think of Alan too. I usually take myself off on my own for a long drive to somewhere with music on loud or, if leaving the house isn’t possible, lay in the bath with earphones in and then watch a few films with lots of snacks.

Sounds like you need to recharge.

I’m going to go to bed with a tube of Pringles, a hot chocolate and watch Disney films on my phone. That should do it.

Sounds perfect. If you’re still feeling like this after a few days then get yourself to the doctors but hopefully some rest will do you good.

Then when you have the energy, put it towards telling your DH to start pulling his weight re getting the kids ready etc.

Have a lovely day, OP

I am sorry you are feeling so low.

I had to get them washed and dressed, find the passes, pack a lunch and a bag as dh is incapable any of that though.

But he can hold down a job, can he?

I think you need to talk to him - it sounds like he's making your life worse?

He’s away mon-fri with work so he has every evening to himself. Then at the weekends he’s been doing up the new house and I’ve been trying to keep the kids out of the way. It’s the summer holidays and I haven’t had more than 10 minutes to myself for the last month. My 7yo is autistic, sleeps 7 hours a night in my bed. It’s just draining and today I’ve just run out of everything.

prokupatus he does hold down a job and works very hard when he’s there. It’s just that because he’s there he’s not here.

partysong it’s absolutely worse when he’s here. He’s been working away for more than a year. Every weekend I think he’ll actually help me and every weekend I lose my temper because he does fuck all and messes everything up.

I think you need more support and you and DH need a serious talk :( (And if he can get himself dressed and out the door, he can manage it for the small people too).

Your plan for the day sounds delightful... but if you continue to struggle, a chat with your GP might help x

How do you need life to look OP? On the surface it sounds like hes working hard, doing up a new house, taking the kids out for the day. But what do you mean 'he messes things up'?

This is no help but love the AP reference and can totally relate.

Hope you feel better soon OP, sounds like maybe a trip to your GP would help?

Can I also recommend the Alan Partridge audio books? I've been feeling abit down and lost recently and these are my go to to listen to when I'm in the kitchen, the bath or in bed, but I am a major fan x

I think half your madness would be solved by your perfectly capable husband actually doing his share of parenting, including things like washing and dressing his own children and packing them a lunch. Is he an actual dimwit?? - No. so he absolutely isn’t incapable of doing that.

It sounds to me as if "D"h is bloody useless at home, it's enough to make you want to jump off the forth bridge when men are like this.
It's basically laziness - they don't want to do boring tasks.
Can he go to work and hold down a job, get himself washed and dressed, make a cup of tea?
Then he can get the kids washed and dressed.
You need to start kicking serious arse around your house - military regime of getting kids and husbands to do stuff. They will all wonder what the hell happened to you but you will perk up no end.
Your husband must have a lovely life doing nothing, I'll bet he doesn't feel depressed at all.

You're not going mad, OP; you're completely drained. I hope a day to yourself helps. (FWIW, you should have stayed in bed so your husband sorted everything needed for a day at the zoo)

And you don't need antidepressants, you need to be married to someone who isn't bloody useless so don't go down the medical cosh route.

Your 'D'H is the reason you feel like this, no wonder you are feeling burnt out. He needs a serious talking to

Sorry another post but just a reality check.

My adult son just finished clearing out the cellar for me as I'm moving (he took three trains on his one day off to come and help me out) as it's full of ex husbands junk.

Ex husband was supposed to have neatly put away all the paint stuff after I painted the entire house. it was his one job.

DS found all the paint stuff literally thrown down one end of the cellar with no lids, unwashed brushes and rollers still on paint everywhere, absolutely all paint dried out and brushes and rollers rendered useless.

Went outside, DS cleared all garden waste as I can't lift anything right now, took it all up to the dump and found about 30 big containers of petrol up against the house - exH had been asked to take them with him, he had hidden them in the log pile and stacked wood up against them to hide them as he couldn't be bothered. One match........

Exh is fucking useless so good riddance, son is wonderful. If your H is like this he either needs to pull his socks up or go.

I don't know if it's any consolation OP but I don't think you are going mad if your sense of humour is anything to go by.
I'm sorry you are so down and I think you have done exactly the right thing by having a day for you.
I do think a talk with dh is in order though.
I hope things get better for you.

And apologies as I never said, but you are definitely not going mad !

I agree with PP's it's a husband problem, he was more than capable to sort the kids and lunch out for a trip to the zoo

He’s there every weekend. That’s 2 dats a week he can practice getting the kids up, fed & ready to go out. He’ll soon get it sorted 🙄

Stop letting him away with being so incompetent around the kids needs

He does sound like he’s working quite hard between work & doing up the new house though

Your 7 yo (autistic or not) needs to be in their own bed st night as it’s dusturbjng your sleep. You need to work on sorting that out

Talk to DH, tell him you aren’t getting anytime to yourself and are teaching breaking point. See what arrangement you can come up with. Maybe him taking full charge of the kids one day each weekend (but that will slow Fuentes the work in the house) or you getting a babysitter a couple of nights a week do you can have time to yourself...can grandparents have the kids st all? something needs to change.

They’re still not back. I expected they’d be back hours ago so this is a proper treat. I’ve pretty much checked out of being married to dh tbh. There’s only so many times I can put on a brave face when he lets me down and I’m just completely done. He won’t discuss anything with me, just stomps off back to London when I try so I’ve given up.

He does absolutely nothing productive in the new house, just makes mess. A decorator is working there pretty much full time and has to spend most Mondays sorting out whatever dh has been ‘fixing’ over the weekend. I have begged him not to go round, to come out with the dc’s and I but he always just says ‘don’t worry, I do t mind doing it’ then sticks his headphones in and walls off .

My dc are wonderful but a complete handful. I don’t have any friends and my dm is ill so I don’t really have any support. It all just gets a bit too much sometimes. incrediblysad as surprising as it may be I have actually tried to get ds in his own bed. I’ll make sure I work on it though .

Where are you OP?
Could you do a MN local post to see if there are any like-minded people near you to meet up with?

Hope your batteries are feeling a bit recharged op? Sounds like you've got a lot on your plate