What age do DCs go to bed without messing about?

[ThrowThoseCurtainsWide]

It's been about 2hrs since I finished reading stories with the DCs and said goodnight. They're both really really tired, but just being silly, messing about, jumping off the bunk beds, giggling. Just generally being over-silly because they're over tired.

I know part of it is because they have had their own bedrooms for a month and are now back to sharing. And that they are excited to be at my house because they've been staying at their dads whilst I've been poorly and this is the first overnight at mine for a while

But they are 6 and 5 now. Surely they must grow out of this soon? If I go downstairs and leave them to it then it just escalates to the point where they are jumping off the top bunk. If I sit up there they whisper and prat about and try to talk to me, despite me ignoring them.

I can't relax at all until they are settled. It's been over 2 hours now. I'm exhausted and broken. In tears in my own bedroom. I've literally just yelled at them to shut up and they're still making noise.

Please tell me they grow out of this soon

Mine are 8 and 6 and go to bed easily. Actually the 6 year old does mess around but never for more than 10 minutes or so. He knows I mean business at night time. I'm too soft during the day but strict about bedtime (for my own sanity).

Never!!!

17,15,13 here...

It depends on the child, DD is an angel at beftime and has been since she was 3 or so. DS now 5 1/2 still takes 1-1.5h of messing around 🤷‍♀️

3 months ? Routine, routine, routine. They know when they are tired and go to sleep.

Mine are generally pretty good at going to bed. They know that they don't immediately have to go to sleep, but they do have to stay in bed and be quiet. They can read or play, but don't be noisy and don't bother mum and dad!

Is this their very first night back at home? They're probably super wired over that to be fair. Also what time has dad been sending them to bed?

I'm also wondering if you sent them to bed pretty early. Mine are 6 and 4. In the holidays they usually get up around 8am, but they're not usually ready to sleep until about 9pm. School time, the youngest is usually asleep by 7.30, eldest about 8. If I sent them up at 6.30 there's no chance of them sleeping.

Bedtimes:aged 2-5 7:30
6-8 8pm 9-12 8:30 13-14 9pm. 15yo has phone taken away at 9:30 on a school night, but actually often already asleep. 12yo often asleep before half 8.

Mine have always been really good at going to bed from being small babies. Kisses, cuddles, tickley arm rub then sleep. Any shenanigans usually started the second after my head hit the pillow

Story CD's are good, DS2 8 likes classic FM on although sometimes it makes him cry!

I wouldn't worry too much as it is school holiday time. I'm presuming you're not yet back at work so you don't have to get up or get them up early.

Mine are teenagers and have never messed about at bedtime (well very occasionally, like once or twice a year). We stuck with a strict routine (the time varied but not the routine) of bath, teeth, story, bed and never staying with them till they were asleep, just goodnight and leave them, this carried on until they were about 10 or so after which they gradually started going on their own. They always had a nightlight when younger. At some point they started listening to audio books to fall asleep and still do. That's all I can suggest really.

I'm on my own with a 5 & 6yr old too and it's like "happy hour" in our house at bedtime ! The situation was unbearable a few years, and I hated bedtime and thought i was a terrible mum but they have gotten much better over time.
We head up to bed before 7, and have the usual messing about whilst getting ready and doing teeth but if they aren't ready for story time, I go downstairs and do what I need to do and then go back up.
By then they have usually had enough of each other, or one is crying, so they usually settle for story time.
Usually this is around 8:30, which may seem early, but I'm too emotionally exhausted to do anything worthwhile apart from drink tea and watch crap tv !
Maybe alter the clocks in your house so it appears later and start bedtime earlier - that way you may get some well deserved you time. Sending big hugs - you're doing an amazing job 🤗

My 12 year olds still need putting to bed and can get up repeatedly for a couple of hours after. My asd dc can keep me awake all night or I have to get up to her five or six times.

My DH is 36 yrs and he doesn’t seem to have cracked it yet and complains he is tired the next day.

We had nightmares when our dd was first in her own bed/room. We now do the following:

• start cooking dinner at 5pm
• bath straight after dinner
• bed straight after bath
• one episode of something recorded followed by stories
• lights out at 9pm, whether awake or not
• will stay with dd until she falls asleep, either in silence or signing bedtime songs, e.g. stay awake from Mary Poppins

We also had a problem with dd getting up again during the night so we started a reward system: each night she stays in her room all night, she gets a (non-food) present the following day. It isn't

My 1st was always pretty good...2nd came along and was a shocker. She's 8 now and i do - read her a story/chapter, then leave her drawing and listening to an audio cd for 20/30 mins. She seems to need that time to unwind. When story goes off (,on a timer) she knows it's lights off. Then she goes to sleep with a sleep sounds app playing. Works now, but taken a while, and I'd say she genuinely struggles to sleep. Eldest is like me and just passes out when her head hits the pillow!

My kids always needed 12 hours at that age. Stories for 20 minutes before bed
Mine went to bed at 5.30 pm
Sleep at 6pm
I took a book to read upstairs myself while they settled ... less tiring for me

Sorry forgot to add ThAt they loved audio cds too ..
Anything quiet like a gentle story ... not music

My mom says I fell asleep at 10:30 ish most nights... one of my older brothers would fall asleep at the dinner table
We’re all different OP - different personalities and different requirements.
My DS6 will stay awake till midnight in his room in the holidays... just go with the flow, they’ll sleep when they’re tired. My son tends to fall asleep a lot earlier on school nights as he’s tired after school

I know it sounds random, but have you looked at their diet at all? I've found it can have a massive impact on behaviour, and the ability to settle and sleep. For their evening meal I would cut out all added salt (be mindful of things like pesto, hummus, ketchup, crisps, ready meals etc) added sugar (no icecream, petite filous, cake, biscuits etc after tea - plain Greek yoghurt and fruit only if they need pudding at all) food colouring or artificial sweeteners (no squash etc!). Stick at this for at least a week or 2 before making a judgement on whether it's helping. If they moan about the lack of these things explain that you think these ingredients must be making them feel 'fizzy' as they're finding it hard to settle at night. If they're quick to protest that that's not the case then they can prove it by settling down nicely can't they?

Also, in your position I would make the cut off for all screen time before tea. A lot of programs and films are so overstimulating it can't be healthy. I was babysitting some children the other day and they watched 'Despicable Me 3' before bed. There was literally no break in the action. It can't be healthy for a child to be feeling keyed up by adrenaline non stop for an hour and a half! It makes me wonder about the affect on brain development. It's certainly not conducive to sleep anyway!

Of course, it's unusual circumstances with them having been away from home, you being ill, them having got used to their own rooms etc, so it's to be expected that it'll take a while for them to settle into the rhythm of things again. Maybe you could bring bedtime forward by an hour so they won't be quite so overtired, and you won't feel quite so shattered by the time they drop off. You could consider staggering bedtimes, maybe alternate nights as they're so close in age, with one going to bed half an hour before the other? Maybe you could spend a little one-on-one time with whoever is staying up later, doing something very calm like colouring, or a jigsaw puzzle. They're probably anxious after your illness, and it'll give you some positive time to reconnect with them individually.

Also if you want them to settle at night you need to get them up in the morning 13 hours before you want them asleep so if bedtime is 8:30 they should be up by half 7. Working it backwards doesnt work.

On closer inspection of their bedroom this morning their clock has stopped at quarter to seven... That definitely won't have helped!

They were at their dads yesterday morning, so I have no idea when they got up, but it's always early!!

I agree that looking at diet is also a good idea. Once they're back to being with me a lot of the time I'm going to go in hard on the routines. There's been lots of change for them recently and I they need to know exactly what and when stuff happens.

Thanks for all of the replies, it helps to know you're all feeling it too

Mine used to share a room when they were young. Ds2 always used to complain because he went to bed first. I told him when he was asleep ds1 would go to bed, so the sooner he was asleep the sooner his brother would go.

Ds1 was told if he woke ds2, ds2 would get to come back downstairs again.

It usually worked

What's the age gap between yours Frances?

There's only 16 months between mine, they've always had the same bedtime so it would seem unfair to separate the times now

I'm 28 and still piss about at bed time, despite knowing better for the best part of two decades.

Ds is 5 and as long as he's had a stimulating enough day goes to sleep pretty much straight away.

He is an only though. But then so am I.

There is 23 months between them. They both got a cuddle and story and time alone with me. Ds2 had his upstairs in bed. Then when I went down ds2 had his story and cuddle.

Ds1 downstairs, sorry