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Original poster

If you don’t drink, how do you socialise?

28 replies

LemonAddict · 10/08/2019 21:22

All of my friends and family drink and most socialising of a weekend, in particular Friday and Saturday night, is centred around drinking.

I’m not teetotal, I do drink, but to be honest after 2 I’ve had enough, I don’t want any more and am usually too full to even move onto soft drinks. And I don’t enjoy being around people who are drunk.

I have one friend who is happy to meet up during the week for a walk and a coffee or shopping or a cup of tea at home and a catch up. But everyone else is all about drinking. I’ve suggested a meal, cinema, bowling, games night at my house, and they all look at me like I’ve got two heads or something.

Which then leads me onto my next question - how do I make new friends? ones who don’t only want to go out when it’s all about getting smashed?

OP posts:
MyPatronusIsAnOrca · 10/08/2019 21:33

I don’t drink anymore (for me the after effects just aren’t worth it - especially with a toddler and a baby).

I went through a phase of where nearly all my socialising was afternoon teas, but meant I was limited at what time I could socialise.

Nowadays it’s dinners, comedy nights etc. I find these type of things work for those drink and those that don’t.

TanMateix · 10/08/2019 21:39

I just go home when things are turning a bit uncomfortable. I don’t like being around loud drunk people (whether they are with me or at another table) so I enjoy the night while they are having fun and as soon as I feel uncomfortable I make my excuses and leave.

But out relationship is not based on nights out so I guess that’s why the above works. We have a lot of 1-2-1 conversations over coffee, lunch or dinner, if it was only the drunken night outs we would not even be friends.

RemusLupinsBiggestGroupie · 10/08/2019 21:40

I've had to substantially reduce drinking, after being ill and now being on medication probably for life.

We go out for meals, to the cinema or theatre.

In pubs, I've started drinking no alcohol lager, as I find it easier to stomach than too many fizzy/soft drinks.

chasegirl · 10/08/2019 21:47

I go dancing. Whole new world of friends. Very little drinking involved as it impedes dancing ability Grin

Made so many new friends too.

Dandelion1993 · 10/08/2019 21:53

Lots of bars have a good mocktail menu.

Original poster
LemonAddict · 10/08/2019 21:54

if it was only the drunken night outs we would not even be friends

This is the conclusion I’m coming to. We’re all busy with work, family, etc, and I get that our free time is precious and they want to let loose, but now and then I’d quite like it to not involve drinking.

Dancing is a good idea! I’ve also just found a local women’s book club on Meet-Up (with tea and cake) so I’m going to join that.

OP posts:
PullingMySocksUp · 10/08/2019 21:56

I’m attempting to find a hobby. Haven’t got there yet, but that’s my plan.

C0untDucku1a · 10/08/2019 21:58

See comedians.
Theatre.
Meals.
Meet at coffee shops.

Coffeeandchocolate9 · 10/08/2019 22:10

I'm really not much of a drinker, and increasingly not intetested in people who can only socialise with alcohol.

I have a brilliant social life. Like @chasegirl I am a dancer, for me that means social partner dancing, so I have a huge group of friends i can see often without hating to organise anything because we're all going to the same events to dance. It's £6-10 for a nights lesson or evening of dancing and I mainly drink tap water, so a fairly cheap way to socialise too.

I also do comedy improvisation, which means lessons and or practice with us all nursing a drink for an hour or two in the pub afterwards, or going to comedy gigs.

I've managed to leave behind my friends who wouldn't meet in a coffee shop and would only meet in a pub. Not for that reason, but for various, nothing much in common any more reasons. I'm much better off for my current circles of friends

PullingMySocksUp · 11/08/2019 08:21

Some of these posts are more about the things you can do instead of the pub. But how do you make the friends in the first place to go and see comedy and go out for meals etc?

HennyPennyHorror · 11/08/2019 08:27

Dh stopped drinking about 3 years ago and our social life has taken a nose dive. I barely drank anyway but DH had to stop due to health reasons.

Now we don't get any invitations from friends because I think they feel judged o something..but to be honest, we weren't enjoying it anymore...watching people lose control of their faculties is just weird when you're not taking part.

People lose the ability to converse properly. We sometimes have non drinking friends over or stay at theirs...they live a way away though so not a regular thing.

We go to some art openings...that's all!

Fizzypoo · 11/08/2019 08:37

I love the pub. But I can only socialise down the pub if I'm also drinking. I hate being sober around drunk people. I feel uptight and irritable rather than having fun.

I've stopped drinking as much as my dp and friends and going out with them isn't fun anymore. We had a card games night last night and I was the only sober person (as I don't want to drink lots of calories and it was easier that I drive). It was shit. I need new friends who don't want to just get smashed for fun.

UnsolvedTheory · 11/08/2019 08:51

My friends and I go out for Sunday lunch, or to the theatre. Or just meet up at each other's houses for a catch up or takeaway.
As for how to make those friends in the first place, most of mine are through either hobbies or playing sport.

twolobsters · 11/08/2019 08:56

A friend moved cities and got into Salsa to meet people. As PP said she has a big group of friends now and something to do every night.

Fizzypoo · 11/08/2019 09:00

See if me and my friends went out for Sunday dinner they would see that as food to line their bellies for a day drinking sesh. We're all in our 30s now and I'm getting bored of it.

Original poster
LemonAddict · 11/08/2019 10:23

Thanks everyone!

All the non-drinking activities people have mentioned in here are ones I’ve already tried to suggest, and like I said in my OP, my friends look at me like I’ve got two heads if drinking isn’t included in there.

What prompted the thread was we’d gone out last night, met up at 7pm and by 9pm I was ready for home, I’d had 2 g&t’s, someone had bought me a 3rd despite me insisting I didn’t want any more, and I just can’t drink any more, not even mocktails or soft drinks or water. They were all well on the way to being half cut.

I faked feeling unwell and came home because I realised, for the first time, that I don’t want and don’t have to sit and endure the rest of the night with a bunch of pissed people.

So I guess it’s time to try and make some new non-drinking friends...

OP posts:
TheTurn0fTheScrew · 11/08/2019 10:32

I drink very little nowadays - combination of really shocking hangovers, and often being on painkillers for a chronic but manageable-on-the-meds condition.

I still really enjoy going out to bars in the evenings where everyone else is on the sauce. I do head home a bit earlier if things unravel a bit. It only bothers me when people are adamant that I should be drinking, or drinking more, and talk about my choices as if they're some sort of personal failing or judgment on the choices of others. One friendship group in particular tends to be like that, with the result that I see these people less.

OMGshefoundmeout · 11/08/2019 10:34

Over the last year I have seriously cut back on the amount I drink. I’m very proud of myself. I’ve gone from a problem drinker to under 14 units a week, but the one thing I haven’t mastered yet is socialising in the evenings without alcohol. During the day it’s fine, I am happy to meet for coffee or go for a walk but nights are different, I can’t yet go out for a meal or meet in a pub without drinking. It means that quite often I turn invitations down because I know I’d end up drinking and drinking a lot. I’d love to be the person who can go out and party and chat all night on a glass of 7 Up, or make a small glass of wine last all night but I’m not there yet. I’d be very grateful for any hints or tips.

tierraJ · 11/08/2019 20:37

.

SuzieQ10 · 11/08/2019 21:21

I mostly meet up with friends in the day time. So this afternoon I spent with an old friend having lunch and then looking at the local boutique shops. Sometimes it's coffee & cake or a walk somewhere nice.
Last weekend was a meal out with a small group, some were drinking, others weren't. I will go to a pub if it's what the friend / group suggest but I don't stay long as I don't like being around drunk people, particularly. I don't feel bad about leaving early and don't make excuses for it. (... I think I sound really old here! Actually late 20s)

Nacreous · 11/08/2019 21:32

I decided to join the W I when I needed to make new friends. I found a "young" group (we range from 25 to about 80, but mainly young at heart!) . We meet in the evenings. The place we meet has a bar but no one has more than one. We serve tea and cake every meeting and it's either a talk or an activity.

We have offshoot groups for walking, dining, singing, theatre, board games, knitting.

You can often go along to meetings and try before you buy. I was explicit when I was new that I was trying to make new friends and people then made an effort to invite my to stuff outside the meetings.

BuildBuildings · 11/08/2019 21:35

I think you need some different friends. Not ones that don't drink just ones that don't just drink. You're totally normal in the things you are suggesting BTW.

Ragwort · 11/08/2019 21:39

I’m also in the WI, we have a great time socially, I meet a lot of my friends through volunteering so although we are ‘doing something for the community’ we all get on well and enjoy each other’s company. I like going to the cinema, walking, swimming.

I do drink, but I am not interested in socialising that just involves drinking ie; going out for ‘drinks’ or a meal and I am not at all bothered about going out with other couples, my DH & I have separate social lives Grin.

bonbonours · 11/08/2019 21:43

Look and see if there's a local choir you can join eg rock choir or similar. I'm in two and they are the best thing for meeting people. Most have no audition, or any requirement to have sung before.

WitchesGlove · 11/08/2019 21:49

Nacreous- where in the country are you? The WI sounds like a good idea.