Do your kids fight ALL the time? Or just mine?

[sunshinefinally]

Basically that really...
I have a son who is 6 and a daughter who is 3, and they do not get along (ok maybe 5 mins a day) rest of the time fighting non stop, over everything and anything. I'm at my wits end I'm trying everything I can think of but money being tight and the weather being rubbish... I'm struggling big time I can not cope... please tel me it's not just my kids? Or if you have any good advice on how to try and get them to get along?
Thanks

Sending hugs and for you cus mine do too. They're always at war with each other and generally unable to play nicely together as children should. Drives me nuts! Took them out yesterday and they were still the same. Today they've been better though.

I do find separating them helps but doesn't solve the plAying together nicely issue. It's a quick fix but needs must sometimes.

Yep....it's absolutely hellish.

Honestly, I know it sounds dramatic but unless you have children who argue and bicker, you can't understand how awful it is.

Sympathy!

Ds is 9 and dd is 5 and it’s like he’s resented her since she was born. They wind each other up all the time and he is incredibly emotionally immature (suspected sen but waiting on assessment) and it’s bicker bicker bicker all the time which always ends in tears. His or hers. He was so cross earlier (at me!) that he was about to thump her in the car. What the actual fuck?! I don’t know what to do any more. Nothing works. Have tried everything. We had about 3 days which were ok in the holidays so far and the rest have been fucking hard work. No advise just commiserations.

My house is often a war zone.....
My 12 year old winds EVERYONE up.
My 15 year old often bites and has gone for him.... my 9 year old often retaliates and they're always scrapping.
I often just tell my 12 year old to go bugger off out and play..... then all is peaceful.... but with the weather being shite, it's bloody hard.
I dread bed times coz they're always fucking around..... swinging from beds, throwing each other around..... then one always ends up crying.
I used to think it was just my kids...... but I know it's not.
Just coz they're siblings, doesn't mean they will always get along or like each other.
I'm currently enjoying a week of my 12 & 9 year old being at their dads..... BIG gin and juice in hand and it's bliss 😏

Yep here with my six and four year old - only with the added joy of the six year old showing very obvious favouritism to the two year old.

Sometimes they get on but there’s a lot of bickering/ fighting. It’s so wearing.

6, 4, 3 and almost 2 here. They’re all kind to the little one but the fighting makes me so upset, angry, resentful, sad, stressed, agitated etc. Horrific.

Oddly no. Never. I’ve got three boys and they had a fight once, two of them when they were about 4/6.
They’re now almost adults. I’ve no clue why they don’t fight or even bicker. They just really like each other - tbf I cant process a scenario where they would.
I do think some kids fight for attention.

Think about how you speak to each other would be my tip. They’ve learned this from you. Don’t jump in to solve disagreements that end in rows- under parent a bit.
Positive reinforcement - don’t chastise endlessly.

Mine too, they are 11 and 7, and we've never managed a fun family day out without it erupting into world war 3. Were off on a two week holiday abroad next week, and I'm dreading it as I'll never see my dh as we have to keep the dc separate to get any peace.

My favourite at the moment is 'Mum, tell her, she's looking at me'

I’d ignore that and change the subject

18yo DS and 10yo DD have always had issues. They have very similar personalities and they bicker constantly. They can it be in a room together for longer than 5 minutes without an argument. It's incredibly draining so I feel you. I try and shut it down as soon as it starts but sometimes it doesn't help.

Had two arguments in 16 years. Count myself very lucky.

Oh yes, very normal. I would love to tell you it stops at x age but my two were pushing and shoving the other day despite them both being allowed to vote ! (21 would be a much more sensible age to allow voting ) younger one loves to wind up older one. Though to be honest we are down to maybe one a fortnight arguments now

Mine are 8&6 and very close with similar interests. They can go on and on at each other though, for example over Lego models.

It's usually the older one who starts on the younger, but the younger is beginning to repay his brother back too. DS1 has dyspraxia and sensory issues and I think they complicate things as his sense of body control and pressure is not great and it's hard to tell the extent to which he is inadvertantly or deliberately too rough. He does tend to lash out as stress relief on DS2 as he feels control when he spends so much of his life feeling out of control. Not ideal and not behaviour he sees elsewhere as the rest of our family relationships are very peaceable and civilised.

It is wearing. They were having one of those days at the end of last week while I was trying to get them out of the house. I ended up putting up the rear seats so DS2 was in the boot, DS1 out of reach in the usual middle and me at the front. Divide and conquer!

My other holiday survival strategy has been to book DS2 in for sports club which he loves. It's DS1's idea of Hell, but he enjoys the 1:1 time with me instead and space from his brother.

Other times, they will happily snuggle on the sofa together as they play Minecraft. They often share worlds and talk peaceably about them... for a while at least...

Yesterday the fighting was absolutely unreal. I abandoned everything I was trying to do and we just went out. We have ds1 who is 11 and has ADHD, dd who is 9 and ds2 who is 5. They are all excited about going on holiday, they were a bit bored yesterday. Lots of shouting. It was awful. Dh was away all week and I really needed the back up yesterday, I was so glad when he arrived home! Usually the dcs don't fight a whole lot but it was like they packed a month of fighting into one morning yesterday. I could have cried.

Mine. 12 and 10.
The 10yr old starts nearly everything and she does have some issues that no one will really help me with.
I've had to change the bedroom layout around so they're not next to each other, one in the front and one in the back in the car as well. My 10yr old won't sit at the table with us either. She is quite extreme though and bites and breaks things.
I feel so sorry for my 12yr old having to put up with his sister's behaviour.
As I'm a LP I can rarely have one to one time with them. As a result they are constantly fighting and I'm pulling my hair out. If I don't step in someone gets hurt.

Mine often do but I try and catch them being nice and make a huge deal out of it. DS helped his sister with her video game yesterday as he's the expert and for once he just gave her helpful tips and said well done instead of getting angry at her for being rubbish. When they are awful or deliberately mean.. Eg putting something out of reach instead of passing it over I ask them if they'd do that to a friend and if not then why to a sibling? I'm at LP too but have good family support so I really try to carve out a bit of one on one time and use that to reinforce how important it is that we work as a team instead of against each other.

Thank you for all your replies.... I feel better that it's not just mine.... it's so hard when they are none stop arguing over everything!!! I really am exhausted with it all atm!

To the people who kids didn't fight or very rarely I am jealous and you are very lucky haha ☺️

Personalities can clash even if you are siblings.

As the saying goes "you choose your friends - not your family!"

I grew up as eldest of 3. My sister (middle child) was difficult and would spend her whole life constantly trying to get a rise from me. Sometimes I'd just snap. Then I'd get into trouble as a) the oldest and b) the one they knew could be told to pack it in!

Constant things like walking down a road and I'd be next to a parent/other sibling and chatting happily. She's walk righ up close behind me and tripping on my feet and say something like "can you not walk in front of me so close please ". I would react (reasonably!) that she needed to stop walking too close as I haven't moved. I'd then be accused of starting an argument or told to move etc.

It's hard and it's horrid. Especially when one is always the instigator and the other is either blamed (for ease) or held equally accountable.

I'm sure it was hell for my parents. I don't doubt they were fed up to the back teeth of it. But by not dealing with the actual issue they've ended up with a very entitled needy child alongside an independent capable one but who also struggles to stand up for herself.

I don’t think it’s luck. I think there’s a dynamic that works. I don’t really bicker either.

Recommend Siblings Without Rivalry.

I shall buy that book now.

I have just got the Siblings without Rivalry book, hoping it'll help me find a way to bring some harmony between my two!

No, all boys.

But I fought constantly with my brother.
I think the boy/girl thing makes it much worse in my experience.

I only intervene if it looks like getting physical or dangerous.
I refuse to settle disputes which I don't see all of.
I separate them to different rooms if it gets too much.
I send them out to run round the garden 15 times.
I give them a common enemy and offer them extra chores or a nice long walk if they can't be nice to each other (by far the most effective )