Please help. Truly struggling.

[ariandthelion]

I just want to get peoples thoughts please, if possible.
So I have major depressive disorder and PTSD; as well as these there is lots going on (recent bereavement, current illness- myself and my mum). The current stresses/sadness have been well and truly suppressed to the point I barely feel anything anymore. I last cried at the funeral last year. But now, I keep randomly bursting into tears. I don't feel particularly sad but this is heart wrenching sobbing. I'm literally watching a love island recording and just keep bursting into tears. I've also had quite a lot of intrusive thoughts; not anything I haven't had before and they're definitely my own thoughts (rather than being a 'voice').
Does anyone have any experience of this? I'm so confused and pretty embarrassed.
Thanks in advance.

Please seek professional help, or more help if you’re preset receiving some. The internet isn’t the place for the help you need.

I’m sorry you’re feeling this way. Small steps.

I just want to tell someone, really, and I don't really have anyone I can tell.
Im not suicidal, not really, I'm just feeling pretty weird and want to see if anyone has experienced this. It's so out of my normal 'range' of feeling (or not feeling, which is more like it for me)

I think sometimes your brain can literally shut down.
I recently lost my Dad. There are days that I think I'm okay, dealing with it and almost like my brain can't quite comprehend it; like it's too big to deal with.
I think you're right about suppressing feelings and then they come out in an almost 'inappropriate ' way (like watching love island!).
Try not to overthink things too much or think you're weird for having these feelings as then you're more likely to self criticise.
Seek professional help if it gets too much but I wouldn't feel embarrassed. Lots of people will relate to you but few will admit it.

Thank you.
Yeah I lost my Dad too. I'm sorry for your loss. I haven't even processed it yet I don't think. But I just feel so tearful. And I am confused as to why.

Thank you and sorry for your loss too.
Sometimes there isn't always an answer or something specific - it's usually a build up of events, circumstances etc.
Maybe you could try counselling if you haven't already.
Your GP can help with finding someone. x

Crying is good and perfectly normal. You sound like you have a lot of pent up emotion that has found an outlet, the trigger being love island.

Let yourself cry. Don't question it or worry about how much or how deeply you're sobbing. You'll feel better after all those pent up feelings have been released.

Love and hugs x

Thank you all.
I have some very scary physical symptoms today and am now in hospital x

I hope you're okay - cliche I know but the best place to be.
Thinking of you (hugs) x

Glad you are getting the help you need xx

I’m glad you’re getting help. I hope you feel better very soon. Grief is very difficult to deal with and I think most of us are just fragile beings doing our best. Well done for getting to hospital. Take care of yourself.

The body is a funny old chestnut. I think it’s trying to tell you that it’s ok to start grieving now.

Let it all out. I hope you’re getting the right care/treatment now. Hugs.

I really really do just want to die, and I can't, there's too many people who depend on me. I don't know how to manage

I feel like that quite a bit. It’s so horrible isn’t it?

Are you still in hospital? How is that going?