I need to cure my extreme extreme anxiety before tonight - help me

[PlumOrange]

Tonight it's my very good friend's 40th birthday party. It's been planned for a while, lots of effort has gone in etc. When I heard about it, I was excited. It'll be at his house. Today a really, really extreme anxiety has taken over me & I feel sick at the thought of going. I don't want to. I'd rather stay at home & curl up. If I don't go, not only will it look bad but I'll feel doubly shite tomorrow for bailing out on a good friend. I have no reason for this anxiety, I'm confident talking to new people, I don't know what's up with me but the dread is AWFUL. I'm making myself ill trying to gird my loins to summon the bravery. Any ideas what I can do?

In your shoes just now I'd spend the day trying to relax. Long warm bath, cammomile tea, rescue remedy.

Tell yourself you will just show your face and honestly, that's all you have to do.

Don't be tempted to drink before you go as that will increase your anxiety.

Practice calming breathing.
In through your nose for 4
Out through your mouth for 8
Repeat several times.

Stick some loud music on and try and drown out the anxiety, sounds weird but helps me.

Visualise your anxiety as a monster and click it out of the door. It’s something my daughter was told to do and she said it really helps.

Set yourself an achievable goal and see how it goes. Accept your feelings, don't cave in to them or deny them. You have possibly subconsciously "built it up" in your mind as something that will be great etc and now you've accidentally put yourself under pressure.
"The thought of this party is making me feel anxious today. That is ok. I will go along, as I don't want to let my friend down. I will set a goal of staying for an hour and if I still want to go home at the end of the hour I will apologise, claim I have a dreadful headache and come home".

That way you are removing some of the pressure on yourself by giving yourself an "out" clause, whilst not giving in completely to these feelings which are probably out of proportion to the risk involved.

Good luck.

Oh that sounds really hard op. Anxiety is the pits.

For tonight, a good strategy will be, like the pp said, to just turn up and put your head around the door! That's 95% of the battle tbh! And the prospect of that is easier than putting pressure on yourself to be there for a while.

Once there, if you feel awful, you can legitimately say if you don't feel well and make your excuses to your friend. Try and tell yourself you have a choice about this, because the more obliged you feel to stay, the more anxious you will feel.

Btw, although it is tempting to hide under the duvet when you feel like this and avoid getting ready until the last minute, it would be far better if you have a little sleep now, then get up in really good time to get up and get ready so that you can do so without stressing and maybe eat a slice of toast to line your stomach!

Also, could you perhaps arrange to meet a mutual friend beforehand so you could travel there and walk in together, if that might help you?

Good luck op!

Do something physical now, if you can. Cleaning, a brisk walk, tidy the garden etc. A run or a swim if you’re a fit person.

Set phone alarm for when you have to get ready.

Rest of day, watch funny film or exercise or bake or whatever distracts you and don't think about tonight.

When the alarm goes off, have an alcoholic drink (if you drink) to relax yourself. Then get ready and go!

If you try to talk yourself out of going focus on the fact that before today you did want to go, its a good friend, and once you get there it will be fine.

You can leave at any point

You don't have to stay

You are safe at the location

You know the location well

You can do it

Ah I Missed a friends 40th for the same reason. I had my hair and nails done. Put my make up but then lay on my bed not able to get dressed and go. I can't even explain why, I just couldn't do it. I was so annoyed with myself because I really wanted to go.

Have you got someone to go with? or can you offer to give someone a lift there? Left to my own devices I talk myself out of it. If someone is relaying on me I can do it.

Positive thinking

Also a plan. Would you rather get there early or slip in quietly once the party is really going? Work out what makes you feel better and do that

You are a good friend. Well done!!

Just to add, one drink (maybe two) could help you relax but be careful not to do overdo it... Too easy to do when anxious. Is there anyone there other than your friend who you could confide in that you're struggling? Hope it all goes ok.