How do you be proud of yourself and your achievements but not come across as a total dick?

[greatbighillofhope]

I’ve been told that I tend to hide my light under a bushel, I’m not 100% sure if that’s right but it set me wondering how to get the balance right. I have just trained and qualified for a new career and I’m very excited about it, in my training I came pretty much top of my group on almost every module (which was a lovely surprise) and I am proud and want to celebrate my achievement but how do you do that without getting on people’s nerves?

The sort of people whose nerves you’d get on are not the sort of people you need to care about.

Generally, telling people this kind of thing goes down badly. Only tell your nearest and dearest.

Celebrate it with people you know and love. You could organise a meal to celebrate, then you could legitimately feel like you could talk about it and blow your own trumpet.

Tell them when asked id say was a good marker.

Yeah, I think I do need to organise some sort of celebration to mark it with a few special people. I feel like it’s the start of a new life.

It's an amazing achievement but personally I'd keep the top marks thing to myself.

I’ve been told that I tend to hide my light under a bushel

Are you sure this wasn't meant specifically in a work/study context? There are lots of advantages to making sure that people are aware of what you've achieved at work (and women are more likely to struggle with this kind of 'self promotion') but I'm not sure friends need to know about your marks (though congratulations!), or are going to want to go to a party to celebrate your new job. I've just got a new job that I'm delighted about and I told a couple of friends before I had the interview and got nice congratulations texts from them when I got it, but any sort of 'celebration' beyond that would feel very OTT.

In a similar position and the only person I told everything to was DH and one very close friend. Everyone else got the version that didn’t involve me being very proud about being top in most things- just that I had completed the training and got a new job. People value humility and nobody wants to hear you showing off. It wasn’t even the done thing at school to boast about good grades, I wouldn’t say it is hiding your light under a bushel per se.

The most successful people I know rarely mention their success.

I think being proud you have completed your training for a new career is fine. Telling people you came almost top of the group in the modules makes you sound like a dick

Isn't this a woman thing? Don't shout that you had top marks as others would feel lesser? But they know someone had higher marks.
Men would generally just say their results with no shame. No need for false modesty for them..
If someone told me they aced a test I'd be pleased for them.

Have a celebration for completing the qualification - I don't think anyone would see that as showing off. Mentioning your high marks to friends if asked would be fine; I just wouldn't start talking about your specific marks if no one asks.

That's in a social context - in a work context it's different and you should take sensible opportunities to highlight your achievements and capabilities to build your career.

Congratulations on your achievement!

Isn't this a woman thing? Don't shout that you had top marks as others would feel lesser? But they know someone had higher marks. Men would generally just say their results with no shame.

I agree that women are more likely to underplay their achievements, but I don't think any of the men I know would go around saying they came 'almost top' (the almost also makes it feel a bit unnecessary/forced) - they, like the women I know, would say something like 'I was really pleased with how I did in the end' or similar.

I think celebrating your new career is great. Mentioning what marks you got would be a bit dickish though unless someone asks you. One of the most successful people I know, who is internationally recognised in their field is incredibly unassuming. I always think people who are too self promoting in social situations are actually insecure.

IMO it's fine to tell nearest and dearest - who will presumably be very pleased for you - but nobody else (unless they ask), since however much you don't mean it to sound like that, it could come across as boasting, and make other people feel inferior/jealous/resentful.

Like Didius, I recently met a woman who is very eminent in her professional field, and married to a hugely successful man on top. We were thrown together for a couple of days - she was unbelievably 'normal' , nice and unassuming.

By contrast there was someone else who was endlessly trying to impress in various ways - she came across as very insecure to feel the need to do that.