Best friend fall out. What to do.

[Treshungry]

Sorry this will be long and I will try not to drip feed.

So I have 2 friends, let's call them Anna and Betty. The 3 of us have been very close for over 10 years. A few years ago Anna married Andrew. Betty and I are married too and the 3 couples would spend a lot of time together.

Anna has always been a bit of a man-pleaser. She had many bad relationships before Andrew. Andrew can be a lot of fun but he has some very deep rooted issues and is often angry or moody over some perceived slight. Nevertheless, he was our friend's husband and we got along with him.

Suddenly, Andrew stopped speaking to us all. Just stopped replying. Anna started avoiding us but when we did see her and asked her what was up, she just said she wanted to keep out of any issues he had with us. Ok fair enough!

Things got more awkward and she gradually has stopped speaking to us. Betty sent her a message asking to meet up and she has replied that she doesn't want to see us again. We have been blocked on all forms of communication and social media.

We are a little in shock. Betty is very angry at Anna for cutting us off with no explanation and wants answers. I think Andrew is at the bottom of this and she has had to choose between us and her husband for some reason.

What do we do now? I'm inclined to just leave it or let her know that if they ever break up we will be there for her. Betty wants to send her an angry message.

Leave it be. She has said what she wants.

I'd agree that Andrew is at the bottom of this. I'd send her a message to say you'll be there for her if she ever needs you, but to be honest I don't think there's much you can do.

Check in with her every now and then, but don't expect a response.

I also think Andrew is at the bottom of it. Id send her a message saying that you will miss her, you care about her and if she ever needs you in the future get in touch, however long its been.

Leave it. I left it, and it took 3 years but shes just left him. Thank goodness. We'll never be the same again though

Not much you can do really. She’s no friend if she won’t even tell you why she’s being weird.

Let her know you're there if something is wrong, and leave it be.

Having a history of bad relationships suggests that she is vulnerable to abuse and manipulation, she's a victim not a "man pleaser". What an awful way to describe a friend.

I’d leave it. I wouldn’t want to make things worse for her......

Did she ever indicate what “issues” Andrew had with you both? How bloody strange.... i would do as others say though and just leave a “we’ll be there if you want to speak in future” type message.

So he is isolating her from her friends. So often we read of this on here, she is a victim. Do you know any of her family well enough to ask them what is going on stating that you are concerned for her.

What is suspicious is that both of you have been excluded.

It's very sad how some people change when in a relationship. I have a "friend" who always looses contact with us once they get a partner.
The 1st time just stopped answering us. Out of the blue message to meet up
The 2nd time blamed me and my behaviour, out of the blue message to meet up
The 3rd just non contact again, now she's pregnant, message out of the blue trying to catch up again.

I just feel so sorry for her that she feels so little of herself to allow it to keep happening.

I'd be worried about Anna. I'd send her a letter saying you're worried and are there if she ever needs you, be that next week or in 10 years.

I would worry that he is abusive and he is cutting her off from her friends. I would let her know that you will be there for her.

Thanks all. It looks like the consensus is to send her a message saying that I will be there for her in the future if she wants.

She has blocked me on all forms of communication that she can. I can email or write a letter but I do feel like I'd be going against her clear wishes to do so.

I'm sorry if I offended anyone with 'man pleaser'. It was just a short way of describing the way she has always been in relationships- eager to please at whatever cost to herself and therefore susceptible to the kind of controlling relationship I believe she is in.

I had a friend like this. She got into a relationship with what I can only describe as a total and utter pathological liar. He lies about everything. Invents imaginary stories about absolute bullshit. Told lies about her own DS (not his).
She knows about his lying but she wouldn't bin him off.
She had no qualms about binning me off though. Blocked me on everything and haven't heard from her since. We have never had a falling out. I can only imagine the rubbish he must of said about me to get her to cut me out like that.
But I'll still be here when she sees the light and gets rid of him. Hes clearly in her head. It's best to leave them to it.

Its soo sad because I cant see her leaving him anytime soon.

She so wanted to be a mum but acknowledged that he didnt have the right temperament to be a father so decided they just wouldnt have any. Shes sacrificed a lot to be with him- I imagine she will be too old to have children by the time she sees the light.