Can't cope with my children anymore

[sodrained]

Really need some advice please because I'm not coping anymore I have tried and tried and I'm so tired now. My DD is 4 my DS is 3 and I'm 20 weeks with my third that I'm now regretting.
My two just do not behave at all they are naughty from the moment they wake up till bedtime I have tried cutting out sugar, star charts, separate bed times I don't know what to do anymore. I get no help from family at all I get no break unless they are at school which my DD doesn't start full time until late September so I'm hoping she improves then.

Types of things they do, in the fridge every second, ripping wallpaper off walls, being rude, breaking stuff, tipping all shower stuff away or filling sink with tissue and blocking the sink up, trashing there bedroom and won't help to put it back, hurt each other then they are best friends again, if I put one in time out the other will go over and set them off I just don't know what to do their dad works full time so it's just me. I'm struggling so bad I can't do it anymore I feel so upset, I'm constantly telling them I love them, I reward all good behaviour I try and take them out but even when I do that they run off or play up, if I take them supermarket they throw stuff on the floor and break it like melons and stuff, or they just rub away and hide in rails. I'm so tired of fighting them it's making me wish I never became a parent I'm obviously not good enough.

Thank you for all these replies I could cry I haven't read through all of them yet but I will do later and reply to all, I'm up to @Babdoc so far and that makes a lot of sense on what you said I will try all those things. I don't think it helps we live in a flat either so they miss out a lot on garden time etc to run around in.

I've just put 4yo DS in the garden. He was hitting his sister.

We do 123 Magic but DS won't stay on the step so I just put him in the garden now. He runs around screaming and he can come back in when he's calm. Although this afternoon he was so cross, he kicked something and has now cut his toe. Maybe a lesson learned for him?

Definitely worth wearing them out but that does mean you need to get out too, which I appreciate isn't easy at 20wks pregnant. Ideally a fenced in park where you can sit on a bench while they run around!!

Could you look for a responsible older child/teen on holidays to help you take them out? They could do the physical running around the park, while you supervise.

It gets easier.

I agree with all those saying routine and getting them out. It’s not easy for you at 20 weeks pregnant but it’s better for your stress levels!

Find all your local green areas and take them out somewhere after breakfast. Pack some snacks and water.
Nature can have a calming effect on kids.
When you’re out, find them little tasks to do like find a smooth stone or a colourful flower. Point out any wildlife.
Get a couple of magnifying glasses and go on a bug hunt.
Don’t let a bit of rain put you off. Obviously heavy rain is hard to deal with but light rain should be fine with wellies and macs.
At home, give them some stuff to do on a table like cutting and sticking pictures from magazines. Pick up free ones from supermarkets.
Drawing and simple crafts using toilet rolls are good too.
give them little jobs to do like wipe down kitchen cupboard and fridge doors.
Look at books with them.
Hopefully they’ll be tired enough to sit down to watch a film later in the day.

I've read a lot of these now and I will look into the 123 thing usually I end up getting stressed out after dinner start moaning and just put them to bed and feel like a failure, reading this thread has sort of put the wind back up me a little and I've bathed them done their hair and put nice pjs on them, and then sat them down with some paper and pencils to draw their lists of what they want to do for rest of holidays and they are being calm and just being nice.
I also found some gold stars so I gave them one each for helping me put the dinner stuff in the bin, it's strange I feel much calmer and sort of like I know what I'm doing now.
When they are in bed tonight I will draw a sort of plan of a routine and times etc and maybe even stuff I want to improve on.
Can't thank everyone enough x

Honestly when mine were young like that I used to want to walk out of the door and never go back.

I promise you it gets better.

Can you book a weekly treat in the evening for yourself? Or go swimming/pregnancy yoga ect. Something you will look forward to to keep you going.

What do they do during the day? They sound bored. No judgement - kids get bored and grumpy and then misbehave and then you're knackered trying to get back on track. Rinse repeat.

Definitely draw up a plan. Put together a list of fun activities at home and out and about. Get them involved in chores and do baking etc. Try and get them to burn as much energy as possible. Can backfire sometimes - took ours out today, burnt loads of energy, they had a great time and got on really well. By the time the journey home came the middle one kicked the big one in the face from her car seat. There was screaming from them at bedtime. It can happen. Probably overtired and exhausted! It's not just you.

@Fizzypoo that's exactly how I've been feeling and it doesn't help when people say to me oh well your lucky you have kids just get on with it, because I want to enjoy my children being small and do stuff with them but not when they act like this, it just makes life so hard. I will defo look into doing something for myself because right now I do nothing for my self other than a hot bath at about 10pm and that's no fun

OP, the other thing is to get them into bed a bit earlier, so you get more of an evening.
I had a friend with 3DC each a year apart, and DH worked away a lot, so she was often doing bedtime on her own. She'd start the tea/bed routine by 4.30, so the DC were in bed for around 7. It takes much longer than I had anticipated to get it all done calmly. Are you giving yourself enough time?

One time when dgs4 was being particularly naughty in the garden, I shut the patio doors and told him only good boys could play indoors. Unfortunately he was butt naked at the time and it started to rain! I didn't leave him out there long though!

OP I didn't enjoy it at all when they were young. I actually feel guilty now that I wasn't the best mum back then.

But I was an amazing mum once they reached 6/7/8/9/10. We had loads of adventures and they have lots of lovely memories (I hope).

They're now early teens (one is 12 and the other 13) and we aren't so connected anymore. They now hang out in their bedrooms or with friends instead of with me. But they are happy, healthy, doing well in school and most importantly funny young teens! It honestly does get better. ❤

Hi everyone just thought I'd pop back in I know it's still early days but I've been putting some stuff from here into practise and it's getting a little easier I've now left my partner as the relationship was shite and stale, and tbh I think the kids maybe picked up on it too, I know this will be hard but I'm hoping each gets easier.
Today we was up and out the house by 9.30am we went into town got new art stuff and they've done that all afternoon, they've just finished dinner and I'm running a bath with hopes to have them asleep by 6.30. Really want to say a big thank you to everyone who posted here x

Thats a lovely update, very well done.