Please or to access all these features

Add post

Watch this thread

Save thread

Start a new thread

Flip thread

Hide thread

My feed

Active Unanswered threads

Getting started FAQ's

Unanswered threads Acronyms Talk guidelines

Hide shortcut buttons

Talk

Chat

Join the discussion and chat with other Mumsnetters about everyday life, relationships and parenting.

Flip

1 2

Original poster

Children not as good at practical skills anymore?

38 replies

LadyInTheHouse · 09/08/2019 13:57

My DS is 11 and I feel like I have to show him every little thing. Of course I know it’s my job to teach him as a parent, but I just don’t remember my mum teaching me this stuff for hours on end We just seemed to know how to do a lot of things instinctively.

E.g I’m sure I learnt how to tie my shoelaces by age 6 and my mum only showed me a few times. My DS still can’t do them and is getting incredibly frustrated. I’ve been making him practice every day and I’m fed up of going through it over and over. He’s starting high school so we’ve got to crack this over summer.

He has a bike and I noticed he was putting his feet down to stop instead of braking. He didn’t know to just use his thumb to brake and thought he had to take his whole hand off the handlebar which he didn’t want to do.

He can’t swing by himself and I’ve had to show him how to do it over and over. Nobody taught me! I’m sure I just did it naturally by trying.

These are just silly examples. He is NT and no coordination issues. I’m just wondering if this is typical and other parents do teach every little thing like this.

OP posts:

VeThings · 09/08/2019 13:59

It sounds like he does have coordination issues if he can’t get shoe tying. Perhaps not enough to be diagnosed with dyslexia, but enough to make it harder for him to pick things up quickly.

Comefromaway · 09/08/2019 14:05

Children learn to tie laces ater because children's shoes don't have laces.

Dd and ds both have asd/co-ordinationissues so took a bit longer but dd learnt to tie her laces by the age of 5/6 becasue of her tap and jazz shoes. Ds didn't learn until he had to wear laced football boots each week around the age of 10 (he still struggles now age 15 but can manage).

It's practice and having to do something regurlarly. And with regards to the bike brakes, if no one has ever shown them how to operate them, then of course they may not automatically be able to do it.

Babdoc · 09/08/2019 14:05

I think reception class teachers are finding more pupils arriving unable to manage shoelaces, buttons, knives and forks, scissors, or even the lavatory by themselves, OP. They also lack basic throwing and catching ball skills, or the ability to skip or hop.
I suspect either parents are infantilising them for way too long, doing everything for them, or they spend time on screens that my generation would have spent outdoors playing ball games, riding bikes etc.

Interested in this thread?

Then you might like threads about this subject:

Families

Comefromaway · 09/08/2019 14:06

He can’t swing by himself and I’ve had to show him how to do it over and over. Nobody taught me! I’m sure I just did it naturally by trying.

Are you sure you are just not remembering. i can clearly remember being taught hw to swing when I was very little.

PolkaDotted · 09/08/2019 14:06

It does sound as though he has coordination issues.

PolkaDotted · 09/08/2019 14:08

It took forever for me to learn to ride a bike(15), tie my laces(11) and do so many other things. I was diagnosed with dyspraxia(and autism) as an adult. It's possible that he also has dyspraxia or similar issues.

Pipandmum · 09/08/2019 14:10

I’m sure your parents did show you how to do things (or you copied your friends). My friend is convinced her kids learned to use a fork and knife just by watching her and her husband and potty trained themselves in more or less a day, forgetting she had a live in nanny who spent hours teaching/training them!
Your child may well be a bit uncoordinated, and maybe kids are learning later because of things like Velcro, but I don’t find kids in general any slower/less practical than when I grew up. In fact they seem a lot more worldly wise than I did at their age!

stargirl1701 · 09/08/2019 14:12

Children learned from other children more often in the past. Neighbourhood children would play together and the older children taught the wee ones.

My mum remembers pushing the neighbour's baby round in a pram for the afternoon. It was a common occurrence!

drsausage · 09/08/2019 14:14

At 11 my children could do all of these things, even the slightly dyspraxic one. Your son doesn't sound very typical at all. Have you had him assessed for dyspraxia?

Karigan195 · 09/08/2019 14:15

There are practical skills and practical skills. My son has dyspraxia and can do quite complicated practical things but can’t tie his shoelaces and took ages to learn to ride a bike. Nothing overt enough to pin point at first but given away but little things like that and poor handwriting.

I think I’d be keeping an eye on it if I were you.

AfterTheDeluge · 09/08/2019 14:16

I was brought up by my big brothers. It is why I can wield a cricket bat with more conviction than a make up brush!

Either someone has to teach you stuff or you need plenty of time for trial and error.

Robotindisguise · 09/08/2019 14:19

Indeed - and my dyspraxic DD learned to ride a bike pretty quickly and can rollerblade and ski, but finds writing / drawing / swimming incredibly challenging and shoelaces are a write-off.

eddiemairswife · 09/08/2019 14:19

I can remember not being able to swing, and then being able to do it after a push to set me off; but in those days my friends and I would go to the park and practise there.

SoyDora · 09/08/2019 14:22

My 5 year old can tie her shoelaces, ride a bike and swing herself on the swing but I’ve had to show her how to do those things, they’re not instinctive.
Just turned 4 year old can ride a bike and has just learned to swing herself (I’ve been showing her over the summer), and I’ll teach her to do her shoelaces some time soon.
Are you sure you’re not misremembering your childhood? I clearly remember my dad teaching me to ride a bike and my mum teaching me to do my shoelaces (at around 4).

Karigan195 · 09/08/2019 14:23

Plus not all dyspraxic kids have trouble with the same things. My son can snowboard. Others can’t. He can swing quite well others can’t. But shoelaces he can tie the knot but it’s never tight.

coconuttelegraph · 09/08/2019 14:25

I think you mean that your child isn't good at some practical skills, you can't extend that to the whole population of children.

Some will be able to do things, some won't, I'd be very surprised if there is a general decline in the ability to do the things you've mentioned, it sounds like a possible issue with your child

If you'd said that children are worse at things like cooking, amusing themselves or being generally can do I would have agreed with you. Imo there's a noticable shift to babying children, micro managing them and general resiliance

MummyDummyNow · 09/08/2019 14:29

I agree with PP, just because your son can't do these things doesn't mean all children can't. My 6 year old can do all these things as can her friends. Really not a brag just stating a fact. There are probably things your son can do that many others can't. Everyone is different, we should generalise.

MummyDummyNow · 09/08/2019 14:30

Sorry, I meant to say we shouldn't generalise.

OrdinarySnowflake · 09/08/2019 14:30

Thing is, your mum might have only made a thing of teaching you to tie shoe laces a couple of times, but if you and siblings/classmates had tied laces, you probably watched them be tied over and over before your mum decided it was time to learn, did you do that with your DS or did you stick with velcro until he outgrew velcro shoes?

Children often learn by being shown, both formally and informally as they observe others doing something, and also from doing.

Quellium · 09/08/2019 14:30

I feel a bit the same as you. I really feel like I taught myself to do a lot of basics, like doing my own hair and drying it, swinging, cooking etc.

Mine seem to have absolutely no initiative and are always asking me to do it for them (laaaazzzzy). I don't think I've brought them up to be helpless. I show them how to do stuff and expect them to do it, but still I'm often astounded at the lack of wanting any independence.

It has to be me, right? I'll just keep making them do it themselves! Also NT, teens in my case, which is even more annoying!

I don't mean to portray them as a helpless generation. I'm sure most aren't like mine!

They also never bloody well go out, but that's another moan for another day.

TheCountessofFitzdotterel · 09/08/2019 14:31

They don't tend to be as good at the craft stuff like sewing and knitting that I did at their age. I have been quite surprised by how little they can manage - struggling to thread a needle at an age where I and my friends were making dolls clothes.
However, I don't see it as a sign that humanity is in decline - they are coding games and building spectacular castles on Minecraft instead. It's just a question of what you have and haven't practiced, and you can learn this stuff perfectly well later on.

ElphabaTheGreen · 09/08/2019 14:32

He didn’t know to just use his thumb to brake

Eh? You use your fingers to brake, not your thumb. When did he learn to ride a bike that you’re only just now noticing he can’t use brakes? Mine were shown how to use brakes on their balance bikes as a number one priority from age two.

My seven year old can do everything you describe and my five year old can do everything except tie laces, but he’s working on that with a shoelace trying book he has and his tap shoes.

If your DS has had normal exposure to all of these things, then I would be concerned that he does have some dyspraxia or coordination issues. I’m also wondering, though, if you’ve just been leaving him to it, because they are all things that need to be pretty intensively taught - generally the younger you teach, the quicker it takes.

MonstranceClock · 09/08/2019 14:34

I find children now lack initiative to do things because they are babied alot. I find it very hard to find middle grounds when compared it to my home country, where its too far in the other direction!

SchrodingersMeowth · 09/08/2019 14:35

Bikes and laces took me years to learn, I remember very vividly, being taught how to tie my dance shoes and failing over and over again.

I have dyspraxia though (like many other previous posters) it sounds like you may have some co-ordination difficulties to try and manage.

Quellium · 09/08/2019 14:40

Oh yes, I will say that they are lovely kids with lovely friends, who give me hope for the next generation with their attitudes towards each other. They are just currently driving me batty with their lack of practical skills. That's an old person thing to say though, isn't it? 'No common-sense!'. You are right Countess, that their skills lie elsewhere!

Flip

1 2