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Original poster

Taking one DS home (Aus) for holiday and leaving other DS for 3 weeks with Daddy [hmm]

39 replies

HomesickMa · 09/08/2019 10:47

Hi Mumsnetters...this is my first ever post...! :)

I'm an Aussie mum (living in the UK) of two boys aged 1 and 4.5.

Having kids on the other side of the world to my fam has been a real struggle and home sickness is a part of my daily life (Partner is English and isn't keen on moving back...but my oh my that's a whole other thread!)

I'm thinking of taking a trip back to visit my family in Aus in November...but taking that flight on my own with two kids just isn't doable for me. Taking one however is (I've done that many times with my first born).

I'm thinking of just taking my 1 year old and leaving my 4.5 year old at home with Daddy for 3 weeks. I'm concerned though....I have a case of the guilts for sure, and don't know how he will cope (the 4 yr old ...and Daddy!). I've never left him for more than a night, and as we don't have much family around, it's been him and me like peas in a pod since he was born. He is a pretty confident and secure little thing but I know he'll miss his mama, and his little bro who has quickly become his bestie :)

BUT I'm missing home and really feel a strong urge to go see my parents and for them to see my 1 year old, as he's growing and changing SO MUCH and SO FAST! Also...best friend is getting married at that time...so another reason to go...
I'm possibly being a bit greedy as we were all there as a family in March this year... but also just thinking...you never know what's around the corner...and my folks are getting older and I know how much it's kinda killing them missing out on seeing their grand babies grow up (can you smell the guilt on me?!)

My boy will have started school in September and will have had a half term and a bit there...My partner is supportive of it but is also a bit concerned about it too...only natural I guess.

Interested to know your thoughts...given the situation, would you do it?

Thanks mamas xx

OP posts:
Longqueue · 09/08/2019 16:35

It’s interesting isn’t it - the maternal guilt and the idea that you going and leaving him is somehow wrong. My DH travels long haul for business, a few times a year. The longest he’s been is a fortnight and that was really hard on my kids, but they survived. The kids haven’t been separated like this but with your 4yo at school I don’t think it matters too much. Making a fuss and doing fun things because it’s just two of them is probably the best way forward. There will be times when you do have to leave them, especially as your parents get older. Do it, you’ll be back in no time.

Dowser · 09/08/2019 17:46

Like you say anything might happen
I’d take both
Little one in s sling
Hands free for case and other child

Nanamilly · 09/08/2019 18:44

I’ve done the same as the OP is suggesting doing but to be honest now that I’m a grandma many times over I think about things differently.

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Nanamilly · 09/08/2019 18:45

Sorry, I can’t see that it would be difficult with 2 young children. I once did a journey to Auckland with 3 under 4 and a half.

Rosie2000 · 09/08/2019 19:07

I lived abroad for many years- not as far as Oz but I understand that longing to touch base. I took various combinations of children back and forth over the years and I can report that there appear to have been no long term effects Grin. I agree with pp who said it is hard for others to understand what it’s like to live so far away from your family, which appears to intensify once you have children. Your dh seems supportive and you need to find a way to make living in the UK (or Oz if it was the other way round) work for you and your family. All the best

MooseBeTimeForSummer · 09/08/2019 19:29

I’m presuming that the one year old will sit in your lap? Taking the four year old doubles the cost, as they would need their own seat.

Original poster
HomesickMa · 10/08/2019 09:57

@Nanamilly wow, you are made of tougher stuff than me - wish I had that strength! 👊🏻👏🏻

OP posts:
Original poster
HomesickMa · 11/08/2019 09:46

@zafferana Thanks for asking about me :) I think I'll be OK - as long as I know he is happy and well back here with Daddy. I'll have my 1yo to focus on and I'll FaceTime each day (unless that turns out to cause 4yo more upset than good as I know can sometimes be the case!). I can talk to him each morning before School.
I should mention he will actually be closer to 5 when I'm thinking of going (5 in Feb).
Thanks again x

OP posts:
deste · 11/08/2019 09:54

This is a chance for your husband and 4.5 year old to really bond with each other. Let’s face it, he will have to cope. Face time every night and he will be fine. You can’t take him out of school either to be fair.

SnowsInWater · 11/08/2019 22:36

Of course you should go. I did three trips home to Ireland from Aus by myself after we emigrated as my dad was unwell. DD was 3 then 5 then 7 (her two brothers were older but still young enough to miss me). As others have said it can be good bonding time, for us it was great for the kids to spend time with DH who worked long hours at that point so had very little involvement in their day to day routine. Your little guy would have daddy all to himself.

It's not really about whether you could cope with the journey on your own, of course you would if you had to, but it will be nice for your family to see the baby. The older child would inevitably demand and get a lot of the attention from your family if he came too. It also means that you will probably find it easier to get out and about seeing people when you are home with only one child in tow. Enjoy 😊

HennyPennyHorror · 11/08/2019 22:54

Moose she can get a sky cot to put the baby into when they want to sleep. OP I said it before and I'll say it again....it's FINE to go with just the baby.x It's a long, expensive trip.....your older child will be absolutely fine.

MsTSwift · 11/08/2019 23:40

My sister and I were left for 3 weeks with gps I turned 4 while they were away my sister was 18 months younger. We were fine though I vividly remember it. My dmum struggled though. I say go.

Constance1234 · 11/08/2019 23:47

Can you go for two weeks instead? I know it’s a long way to go for just a fortnight, but I think 3 weeks would feel like forever to a 4.5 year old no matter how much fun/bonding time he was having with his dad. Hope you can work something out and see your family. It must be so hard being so far away from them!

Original poster
HomesickMa · 12/08/2019 21:36

Thanks so much everyone for your thoughts.
I think I'm going to see how my boy settles into school and make a decision later in September...
I'll update the thread to let you know what I decided and how it goes, in case it's helpful for anyone else! X

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