Father’s introducing new girlfriend to children

[Gems198412]

Hi I’m new to mumsnet, I’ve literally just signed up to ask advice. I apologise if this question has been asked before, I’ve tried looking through posts to see if I can find anything but I’m not sure I know what I’m doing 🙈 I just want to ask views on Dad’s introducing their new girlfriend to children.

My son (6) went on a little camping trip with his Dad at the beginning of the week and I’ve just found out today from my son on his return that he took his new girlfriend and her daughter and introduced him to them, I’m fuming inside because we’ve always agreed on discussing such a thing with each other as early as May this year but he has taken it upon himself to do this and not talk to me prior to doing this for some unknown reason.

We’ve been separated for 1 year, I understand this was inevitable and I am over him, I had the worst relationship with him towards the end so it’s not like I’m jealous, I’m just not happy that he has gone behind my back and done this. I’ve tried to talk to him tonight but he’s blanked my message.

My concerns are my son is a very sensitive little boy, he suffers with anxiety he is under CAMHS for this and is also awaiting a dyspraxia assessment. He has done this at the worst time, in my opinion I feel it’s selfish and unwarranted so early on (unsure how early but we did discuss this like I say in May and I was assured we would discuss this if we both came to that point but I never expected it this soon and to be done behind my back.

Is it just me feeling like it’s disrespectful for him still to not have mentioned it even after he brought him home and left it to our son to tell me 🤔 I just want to know am I being unreasonable to have wanted to be told prior to this? I know there’s nothing I can do about him meeting her but am I able to speak to my solicitor and put anything in place where I can stop this for now, until things are more serious and my son is more stable in his health? I’ve seen such things a prohibited steps orders etc has anyone had one of these for this kind of thing?

I just feel like this is not the right time to be doing this, he is already suffering with his emotions etc, who’s to say that in 2 weeks things end? I understand that could happen in a long term relationship but I’d just rather it wasn’t so early on. I’ve been in a relationship myself for 7 month, I haven’t so much as spoken about him to my son and as much as I feel like things are going in the right direction I still feel like it’s early, I’m putting his feelings first and not telling him about him until I feel it’s right for him. Help please 😪 Am I unreasonable? Is there anything I can do to stop this for now?

I’m rambling and repeating myself but I’m just needing any help or advice possible please, thank you

Bump 😢

I know it's so hard, I have been there myself, but you really can't do anything I'm afraid. It is possible they may split, but equally they may be together for the long term. You just have to bite your tongue and accept that this is the way things go now. I do understand- my ex introduced my dd to his gf immediately, but is now on his 6th (that dd knows of) since we split and has introduced them all in a grand way each time. You do you, just try to ignore what he does. It gets easier!

I personally think introducing a new partner is fine after a separation of a year or more, but a weekend camping is very intense! Especially if another child was there

Prohibited steps orders relate to serious things like changing the child's name, taking them out of the country, etc. You can't use prohibited steps to stop your ex from introducing your child to another person.

I know it's upsetting - I also have a child with dyspraxia and their anxiety is an ongoing problem. But your ex is just introducing your DS to this lady and her daughter. Maybe the camping trip was his idea of a good environment for this meeting . I guess they were all busy doing things so perhaps it wasn't so bad.

A lot depends on how your DS responded to this meeting. If he is OK, I'd just go with the flow. You can't undo what has been done, and trying to stop him from meeting her again wouldn't solve anything. I'd just let it ride now - DS has met her so just let it happen. There's nothing to be gained from making a fuss now.

The fact your talking about putting a court order in place tells me there are reasons he didn’t tell you first. However I still think he should of told you.

How do you know it’s not serious? I feel like the older we are we know what we want and can become serious more quicker. Maybe you and your ex see time lines differently. I’m your case I see 7 months as long enough to know if your serious about someone and introduce them, whether you see it as early on still.

Thanks for the replies, I totally get that this was inevitable, I just guess I’m more protected over the fact my son has such issues.

In reply to @Saltystraw there is no reason for him not to have told me, we have always been amicable when it comes to our son, there’s never been an issue the issues and separation was down to the fact he’s controlling and disrespectful in that he cheated on me numerous times throughout our 9 year relationship. I know what he is like in a relationship, he isn’t faithful he’s always looking for more so this also doesn’t sit well with me that he’s doing this and to do it in the form of a holiday together I think it’s totally wrong

I don’t think you’re unreasonable to be upset and annoyed; it wasn’t fair of your partner to do it without telling you especially after you’d agreed you would.
However in terms of what you can unless she’s a risk to your son then there’s very little you can do and I think by going to a solicitor about it you’d create more conflict which would be worse for your son than letting it go.
I’d instead talk to your ex again in a civil way and say it wasn’t fair on your son.