To not want to look after 6 kids for two weeks

[washyourface]

Ugh venting. I'm a walkover.

DH has two (lovely) DDs who were moved overseas by their mum years ago. Therefore we only see them during holidays. I have one DS.

Next week the two DDs are coming over and Dh has decided, with the girls, that it would be fantastic to have DNiece, DNeohew and other DNiece at the same time.

O-my-fucking-G. I'm not sure I'll cope. For two fucking weeks!!!!

Of course Disney dad agreed to it because he feels so much guilt for not being able to see his girls more frequently and they wanted to see their cousins.

Wahhhhh

So I will have
15yo boy
13yo DSD
9yo DSD
14yo DNephew
12yo DNiece
5yo DNiece

Please send wine.

In DHs defence he works very short days 10am-1pm so he will help with the breakfast duties etc. And be back earlyish to keep them entertained

But I'm so used to having just one child in the house (a quiet teenager) that having all these kids makes me so anxious.

And there are so bloody many of them I can't fit them in a car to take them out and keep them busy!!

Please, coping strategies from those with many kids?

DH grew up as one of 7 siblings so this is his normal and totally dismisses my concerns.

Tbf they are all nice kids but just soooo looooud. And hungry. So so hungry. All the time.

Hellllppppp

Sorry but he’s taking the piss.

This will be dandy, because he invited them so obviously he will be feeding and cleaning up after them, and they will roam as a pack and entertain themselves - you have an easy fortnight! I'd be arranging little peaceful days out for myself and a babysitter for the 3hrs he's at work.

I don't think this is going to be as bad as you think. If you had said 6 kids under the age of 8 you might have a point, but 3 of them are teenagers and the 9 and 12 yr olds will rub along fine with the older ones. It's not like they will need you to babysit them or entertain them. Plus your DH is only working for 3 hours, it's not like he is absent for a full day. Don't forget the teenagers might not even get up until mid-morning!

It sounds lovely, lots of pots of chilli, pasta etc. At least your teens won’t be lying alone in their bedrooms on their phones!

Refuse
He takes leave or it’s cancelled

Are you sure the older 2 want to come???

You're stuffed this year but make it very, very clear it will not happen next year. If he argues then tell him you and your DC will move into a hotel until they have gone home.

I think two weeks is too long for the cousins, especially the wee one.

While they are all here, I’d channel the ‘it’s a breeze’ vibe and leave him to it

Wander off and get him to plan dinner/activities/ car hire whatever.

I've done this. Here is my playbook.

As soon as I got in the house, I sat them all down with a cold drink and laid down the ground rules hard. I said I wasn't running a hotel. That it was lovely for the cousins to have time together - but that everyone would have to pitch in with chores to make it possible.

I had a chores rota pre-prepared on strips of paper. We did chores every morning and night. I let them negotiate who did what, but all the chores had to be allocated (one per person every morning/night). Chores were things like preparing a meal or vacuuming. I also laid down rules hard on keeping own stuff tidy. Basically, like they'd be expected to at camp.

I had a schedule pre-planned. Also had too many for the car, so we walked and trained to a few places - but also stupid stuff like "freakshake design competition" and such that we could do at home. The small things were just as successful as the big - they genuinely did like just spending time together.

I made them take a siesta after lunch - bed with a book. Really helped defuse any tensions to have an enforced break from each other.

I tried to make 1:1 time with each kid during the week - to actually deepen the bond.

Make DH prepare lunches the night before, so all you do is put it out for them to eat. This is his idea. Ergo, it's ALL his problem.
Put a film on, and let them get bored ready for when dh gets home, as it's his job to entertain them.

Meal plan. Loads of fruit, crisps, popcorn, bread, biscuits and other foods people have said. I'd be inclined to take the 5 year old out 10-1 to park/ somewhere for 121 time ( she'll miss home) and to tire her out. Ask the teens to be ready for 1 ish. Lunch then head out for easy afternoon. Get them to bake a cake each day for after dinner.

They are mostly teens who really don't need care, they are old enough to look after the younger ones. Does your bus company have family saver tickets? Ours is doing unlimited buses for up to 6 people for £8 a day - buy them a bus pass, pack up a picnic and send them on an adventure- without you!

I'd arrange a nice relaxing 2 week holiday for myself, somewhere warm and sunny.

I'd be getting them all to be pitching in.

The 5yo is going to be the biggest issue as the older ones will likely ignore.
Given the poor kid has lost her mum and is living with her Dad and Step mum. And she is going to her Step uncles for a fortnight. I really think she could be quite emotional after the first 2/3 days. The idea of being away might appeal but the reality is very different I actually think it could be very traumatic for her to be away from her Dad. I'd be trying to cancel the 5yo. Or at least have a get out plan. Can somebody take her home after a week if it gets too much?

Let's just say there are many issues and my ducks are forming a row in the meantime

So are you getting contortionist lessons so you can be an even flatter doormat for this man? I don't for one minute believe that you are getting anything in a row because he has just landed three extra kids onto YOU for a fortnight and then brushed off any worries you have about caring for them, and you just "lol" on here about how many tray bakes and casseroles you will have to do.

The issue is not the kids, it is not the amount of extra cooking, cleaning or organising activities to entertain a group of 6, from ages 5 to 15, the issue is that he gives not one shiny shit about the amount of work he has landed on you without any discussion. Any one with a shred of respect for their partner would have sat down and talked about this, about what was a reasonable expectation not just dismissed it and practically slapped the little woman on the arse and told her not to worry her pretty little head about it.

I seem more angry about this than you OP, about the lack of respect, you might want to think on that.

It sounds lovely, lots of pots of chilli, pasta etc. At least your teens won’t be lying alone in their bedrooms on their phones!

Lovely for the parents who have dumped their otherwise hard to entertain kids on op for 2 weeks, her dh included. Ask the kids to come up with an activity programme between them which includes everyone. Who is bankrolling this, do you have a budget? Do you speak dsc language?

As if it sounds lovely! Lovely for who? The person looking after 6 kids of completely different ages? Sounds like a bloody nightmare more like.

Sounds very expensive too....

As if it sounds lovely! Lovely for who? The person looking after 6 kids of completely different ages? Sounds like a bloody nightmare more like.

Yep-sounds horrific and stressful and expensive. But your dear husband is dismissing all your concerns-what a catch.

Your DH is being really, really inconsiderate. Looking after 6 kids would be a big ask if he was available, but to arrange all this without asking you and go off to work I said unacceptable.

If you can’t back out of the whole thing, then say no to the 5yo. The age difference is so great, you were I’ll struggle to find activities to please her and the teenagers. Also arrange with your DH that he will take them out for one activity a day right after lunch, he should rent a mini-van if he has to. He will also need to do an enormous amount of food shopping to keep 5 teenagers fed!

Imagine the food bill. Bet he hasn’t considered that. Or the washing?

I’d be telling him to uninvite all the cousins. I have no idea why you would go along with this.

Your H is a complete shit for dumping this on you like you're his servant. I'm so not surprised there's other issues with him. Ignore posters who claim they'd be fine with it and what's the problem - they're as bad as he is - always easier to be so generous with other people's time and effort.

This guy is a dick, he doesn't respect you at all, you're just part of the other furniture and white goods that provide a function.

Just an aside
I think that your dh should be spending time with his two dcs.
He could have invited the cousins for three days

I agree it will cut into dad-daughter time but it is being driven by the girls, not him so he doesn't see it . I think a long weekend would've still been stressful been fine but two weeks is just crazy.

HOWEVER, in an interesting turn of events I've just had an email from my new job which I was due to start in September asking if I can start 19th August instead!! . Haven't told him yet, he'll think I've engineered it all. Literally had the silent treatment since last night after we argued because I told him I wish he had discussed it with me first ....

Haha! That has been my life for the past 28 years (foster carer of different ages children). Your DH finishes work at lunchtime. Give the kids plenty to do in the morning, including chores....then when DH gets home have lunch altogether. Clear dishes and kitchen between you all and go out for the afternoon. Take a picnic.

Arrive home. Toastie cereal for supper. All in bed by 9pm. Repeat...

Often it's easier when children have other children to interact with. They occupy themselves.

You can do this. Approach it with a positive mindset, rather than dread. It will be easier than you think