Logistics vs emotions

[DogHasEatenTheSqueaker]

Looking for input on a tricky situation.

My DSD14 lives with my DH and I full-time. She currently has no contact with mum (something we are working hard to change) but it is likely that the mother/daughter relationship will never be rekindled to how it was. We’re hoping for civil at best. DH and I still have regular contact with mum and all get on well.

DH works away a lot, so DSD and I are very close and I manage the majority of her day-to-day parenting needs. This is fine, works well.

Took her to the orthodontist today (DH working away, home tomorrow). They asked me to sign all the treatment plans, which of course, I did.

Turns out, I wasn’t actually allowed to do so as I’m not her legal guardian, can only be mum, dad or LG. Ortho was great and allowed me to take forms away and we’ll drop them in tomorrow once DH has signed. No drama. He did mention that I shouldn’t have been allowed to sign doctors stuff, school etc, all of which I have. No one has mentioned this before.

Got me thinking. Whilst DH is of course able to do all the ‘life admin’, logistically it’s usually me on hand to do so. We’ve never considered legal guardianship, as I consider she has two parents, even if she’s not talking to one. I’m not her mum, never will be and don’t want to step into that role, it’s not my place and it’s not right.

However, we’re wondering if legal guardianship is something we should look at to avoid issues like this? I don’t know how the land would lie if she needed emergency medical treatment for example. DH is keen to get it done for logistical reasons, but I’m concerned how mum will feel, and worried that it would impact the potential fixing of a relationship? We find ourselves often treading a fine line between logistics and emotions in this situation, and I’m torn on this one tbh.

What are everyone’s thoughts?

Bumping for you. I've no idea, I'm afraid but an interesting question so hoping someone can answer and help you with your problem.

Tricky and interesting! How long until she can sign for herself (16,18?)

You can apply to be a third significant adult in the child's life if the other parents agree. Its a court form costs a bit over £100.

We have a similar set up with my DH being a step parent but due to logistics he does my middle child's school run. He's been a resident adult for a decade since DS was 3 yet isn't legally linked.

Step parents parental rights application

Once she is 16 she an sign for herself so it's a short lived issue, plus with medical at 14 the dr would not usually require consent from a parent for anything routine, they simply ask the young person. In emergency drs do not need consent if it's in her interest so again it would not matter however if your dh is ever needing to travel for longer periods eg working overseas then at least a letter from him giving you permission makes sense.

Adding PR for you does not take anything from her mother. I think this is something that your DH should be raising with her. A DC can have more than two people with PR (it isfor example not unusual for military families, where the step child continues contact to spend time with half siblings and extended family even when birth parent is deployed)

Even though your DSD is now likely to be judged Gillick/Fraser competent (and in emergency if unable to consent, then the doctors would proceed in what they assessed as her best interests) it would still be useful for travel and education issues.

Thanks all, it was a strange one to crop up as we've been merrily pootling on with me signing things here, there and everywhere. Hadn't even crossed out minds until yesterday!

Sounds like just the thing @RippleEffects, thank you 👍