dd1 and friend concerned about what another friend is pi-could be misinterpreted as creepy/paediophilic

[thanksforallthegoldfish]

have namechanged for this as dd1 knows I post on mumsnet

dd1(17) and her friend have become increasingly concerned about what another friend(lets call him Dave) also 17 has been posting online, for the background Dave has aspergers and really struggles with all social aspects(before anyone kicks off so does dd1) and well he wasat the bootom of the bottom set at school.

He now has a following on tiktok/instagram etc many of whom seem to be young girls(9/10/11/12) and dd1 is getting concerned about the tone of comments he is posting on their messages, photos etc. He also seems to have become obsessed witha family on instagram, particularly their 2 daughters. She has shown me some of the comments and posts and if you didn't know Dave they could easily be seen as creepy/alnost paediophilic.

We're concerned that he is going to get himself in trouble but don't know what to do, he probably wouldn't understand if they tried to speak to him, his parents aren't very approachable and he no longer goes to school/college. Dd1 suggested speaking to his uncle who's a police officer but I don't know if that would be a good idea.

Hopefully someone with some experience will come along to give you some advice. Personally I would consider talking directly to the police. Then Dave does not need to know your daughter is involved - it could be the parents of anyone of those girls who spoke to the police. I would just ring the police seeking advice and then if you don't find them helpful than speak to the Uncle. There is a deeper level to this - if Dave is showing interest in young girls than stopping his posts will not stop Dave feeling this way. I saw a television programme once on support groups for people who felt they were attracted to children to help them to understand why they felt this way and overcome the urges. A contraversal topic - but as a child I was sexually abused and I think that giving people the skills to stop their behaviour because they want to rather than just because they are worried about the consquences sounds like it could be part of the solution.

He most definitely could find himself in trouble. I used to work as a child protection social worker alongside the police. We saw many young men with significant issues chatting to young girls online without realising that it was inappropriate and could lead them into real bother. I would speak to the lads uncle who is a police officer and get him to go chat to the lad and spell it out for him.

I don't think there is any sexual element to it on his side, I think he is just saying things that he thinks are nice to the girls but could be misinterpreted by people who don't know him reading them

She has shown me some of the comments and posts and if you didn't know Dave they could easily be seen as creepy/alnost paediophilic.

I think that people who don't know him are best placed to decide, you're being blinded by what you know of him as a person, which a lot of paedophiles rely on, and this is why so many get back up from friends and relatives.

Report to the police, you can do so anonymously, they may look through his phone and devices and then they can decide where to go based on what they find.

Though the parents aren't approachable i assume they want what's best for their son so I would speak to them. If it continues I would speak to the uncle and let him know what's happening. The uncle will probably be better places to help in whichever way is necessary.

I have seen this happen before. Older boys (16+) with SEN who are friends with younger children (usually age 10-13) because they are similar in maturity. They can then start a relationship with an 11-12yo girl and get into BIG trouble. Best to nip it in the bud and make it VERY clear to him how inappropriate the behaviour is.

Talking to the uncle would be a good start. Possibly also social services or other agencies that may be involved with him.

That's it Elektra, probably is 11/12 in terms of developement and sees these girls as his friends but it could easily be misinterpreted and lead to him.to be insituations which he doesn't understand are wrong. It's a safeguarding situation for him as a vulnerable young person and the girls both

If he was still at school/college I have probably contacted the safeguarding team there but as he isn't I'm just not sure what route to take

I'd be less concerned about him getting himself into trouble and more concerned about very young girls receiving this kind of unwanted attention either because it could be upsetting to them or worse, normalising paedophilia to the extent where they won't think to question inappropriate behaviour.
We would need examples of the types of comments to judge fairly but I have also worked in similar roles to PPs and you would be surprised how many men 'don't understand' boundaries when actually they know full bloody well.