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Original poster

If you found a new close family member

12 replies

Chakano · 07/08/2019 21:48

For the men or their oh who know them well.
If you found out you had a dd what would you do?

Or anyone if you found a sibling, 1st cousin.
Would you want to know?

If you didn't want to know would you be kind to the person?

OP posts:
YeOldeTrout · 07/08/2019 21:53

I recently discovered I have a lost uncle.
I don't blame anyone for his absence or discovery.
So... I have 3 relatives who gave up babies for adoption.
Are you thinking of scenario where someone abandoned a child, or refused to acknowledge their existence?
Why else suggest not being kind?

Original poster
Chakano · 07/08/2019 22:09

Thanks, I suppose I have found some people to be very unkind.
Would you like to meet or find out about the uncle or any of the other adoptees?

OP posts:
Surfskatefamily · 07/08/2019 22:36

I'd have thought if people are being unkind it may be that they do not trust you yet. I take it you are the long lost relative?
Hopefully they will come round in time....if you have been abandoned or denied by a family member the other relatives are possibly finding that hard to accept

MilkTwoSugarsThanks · 07/08/2019 22:43

How kind I would be would depend on the circumstances and how they approached me.

I would take the views of my immediate family in to serious consideration before deciding whether to meet or not.

OneLuckyLady · 07/08/2019 22:46

My half-brother found me through FB about 7 years ago, and we've become quite close and see each other as often as we can - he lives about 200 miles away. It's been amazing for both of us.

MorvaanReed · 07/08/2019 23:02

With the help of two other family members I have recently traced my half sister, who was separated from the rest of the family as a toddler.

I wrote a very carefully worded letter to her, but she has chosen not to acknowledge us or reply. Other family we discovered during the search have confirmed that she got it and explained why she doesn't want to know us, at least at present. Her reasons are perfectly understandable and we have all agreed to respect her wishes.

To answer you directly, yes I wanted to know and was angry when I found out, because I hadn't been told of her existence.

However, none of that is my half sister's fault and she isn't being unkind in doing what she feels is best for her.

Mac47 · 07/08/2019 23:03

I don't think it is as per your question, but my df was adopted and has never wanted to know anything about his birth family at all.

Original poster
Chakano · 07/08/2019 23:09

Mac
Some people don't for various reasons. I struggled for a long time as found it disrespectful to my wonderful parents.

I should really explain, it's online DNA and depending on how many in the family are in my matches they could get a surprise.
One side of my tree is chocker going back centuries and filling up lovely. The remaining 50% is blank.

I was just musing about how people must feel finding out, I know I exist iyswim.

OP posts:
MorvaanReed · 07/08/2019 23:19

I was in a similar position, mums side of the tree was huge, all I had on Dad was his parents for over a decade. Then I got a message from a cousin once removed and that gave me enough to get the search for my sister rolling.

If you find a DNA link at least one person is open to finding more family.

ineedaholidaynow · 07/08/2019 23:19

One of my friends has done this online DNA thing and has suddenly found a number of new relatives. Some are very happy, but it has also caused some secrets to be found out and caused some people to view their relatives differently.

Original poster
Chakano · 07/08/2019 23:41

MorvaanReed

Yes, I've seen examples on youtube, some of them upsetting for the person. I suppose we all know this can happen when we take the test though. One of my dc (adult) has done it and bless the youngest has said they'd do it to help, but as a minor it doesn't sit well with me, and it's not that important.
Mine is completely blank it looks a bit weird.

I wish you well with your half sister if it's meant to be one day.
One I found didn't want to know, no reason given, but that's her right.

OP posts:
YeOldeTrout · 08/08/2019 19:19

I'm desperate to meet the uncle!! We have a rambling extended huge family. But uncle has declined to answer my messages & I don't want to be pushy cow. Plus... uncle was a secret. The other babies adopted away (& one of those came back into our lives as an adult & is now close to all) were never secrets. So the 'secret' part changes picture. Knowing what pain our grandmother went thru. The people who could explain "what happened" have all passed away.

I think everyone who finds out will want to know him, which is a reason not to tell them about uncle since he has been non-responsive.

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