4 year age gap

[Summerdays2014]

Hi,

I’ve always been convinced that I would have just one child. Those feelings didn’t change after my son-I even sold all his baby clothes, equipment etc. He is now 3.6 years old and I’m just starting to change my mind... I’d love for him to have a brother or sister, but I’m worried... have I left it too long? Will it be hell going back to nappies and night feeds? Will they ever play together or will the age gap be too big? How has anyone else found this age gap? Thanks in advance!

I don't think a 4 year age gap is too big. I have 4 year old twins, and they have an age gap of 8 years with their brother (who is 12) and 11 years with their sister (who is 15). They all still play together etc. Going back to the baby stage wasn't awful, because you have been through it before so know what to expect

My children are

Ds1 20
Ds3 11
Ds1 11
Ds4 7
Ds5 3

It works brilliantly and they all adore each other!

Mine have a 4 year gap, and they are girl/ boy. In my case I think the gap was too big ( though I didn't have any say in that). They are adults now, and I can honestly say that they never really became close at all. DD wasn't impressed when DS arrived and it never improved !

DD started Nursery when DS was a year old, and she was really upset that she was being "sent away" while he got to stay home. Then when he was 2 and could have started to play with her, she went off to school and that was that. She was very sociable and had heaps of friends, so a kid brother didn't hold much appeal

The only time they became friends was when they were teens, and going out socially. He was very big and mature for his age, and he often acted as her "Knight in Shining Armour", saving her from stupid situations.

Going back to the baby stage wasn't a problem when DS was born - I was an experienced mother so I just got into it pretty easily. You'll be fine, but don't have high expectations of the two children becoming besties . It might happen and it might not !

5 year gap between mine. They love each other so much, play together plenty and it works well

4.5 years between mine and they have a lovely relationship. Boy/girl too. They adore each other and play together a lot.

It’s the perfect age gap imo.

5 year gap here. They play nicely and adore each other. DH and his brother are 4.5 years apart and are very close as adults.

Thanks everyone. It’s such a difficult decision, a real head v heart thing. Everything is good here at the moment, we have a nice routine and my son is happy. I just can’t shake the feeling of wanting another. Everyone told me I’d change my mind and want a second and I didn’t believe them! Just wish I’d done in two years ago!

There's 6.5 yrs between my two

I’m due in October with #2 and my daughter will be turning 8 in January 🤷🏼‍♀️ Not necessarily how I originally planned it but this is how it’s worked out.

DS is 11 and dd 6.... several kids in dd class have the same age gap with thier younger siblings. Seems to be the norm nowadays. I also have younger siblings
I’m 31
Db1 is 28
Ds1 is 15
Db2 is 12
Db3 is 9
DS2 is 5

I have 3 years 7 months between mine (4 school years). They’re the best of friends, there’s no competition or jealousy, they like to gang up on me (!), play together, watch tv together, enjoy ‘sleepovers’ in each other’s rooms on Friday nights etc etc. It’s a great gap!

Good luck making your decision! X

8 year age gap between my two. Youngest is 5 months. My son dotes on her.

DS1 17
DD 9
DS2 5

Have kids when YOU'RE ready, not when people tell you it's right. It's right when you feel right. Don't overthink age gaps. It really isn't a big deal.
My kids adore each other. DD 9 is like a snarling cat with both of her lovely brothers. And this has NOTHING to do with age gaps.

Just to add, what I love about the 4 year age gap between DD and DS2 is that I was really able to nurse and look after DS2 while DD was at nursery. And DD was old enough to not pull any infantile regression stuff. I know me. I know my character. I was never going to have two babies on my breasts and be cool with that. I haven't had to deal with the total mind-melting chaos that comes with a close age gap. I always wanted 3-4 kids. I did not, however, want kids hanging off me like satellite dishes. Nothing against a close age gap at all, but I really, really love the balance I have with all three kids. I have a really individual relationship with each one of them based on where they're at in life. I don't have all of these little kittens that I am trying to herd. The gaps allow me to pace my parenting. I am a more highly strung person prone to anxiety. So for me, spreading the kids out has been a good thing. I don't feel as strung out as I am sure I would with say 3 kids under 3. No offence to those who have close age gaps.

There's 4 years between my younger sister and me, we aren't best mates but get on very well and I think my mum found it helpful that I was toilet trained, going to pre-school and vaguely rational when my sis was born!

I've recently had DS2, and we have a 2y9m age gap - pretty common, I think. DS1 is a bright little button and DS2 is pretty chilled so far, but I really think it would have been easier for me with a bit more space between them.

Just over 4 year gap here with 2 DS's and it works really well. They don't compete as DS2 is the baby and DS1 the oldest. They have a lovely relationship and get on very well.

Ds1 is nearly 14 though and DS2 who is 9 finds himself without a play mate quite often. Its nice though to have that time with our littlest on his own again.

We never had any expectation that they would be friends, so the fact they are is a massive bonus.

4 years 3 months between my DDs and it’s great. Wasn’t planned, had breast cancer between them, so it was my oncologist who dictated when I could have my second, but it’s a great age gap!

No jealousy, DD1 was the big sister and has grownup time during naps and evenings if she needs it. Started Reception 6 weeks after DD2 was born so time to be big sis then get bored and have her own new thing.

They play dollies and all manner of other stuff together, and fight when they need to.

Apart from naps, they do everything together, I’ve been so relaxed with DD2, she can stay up till 10 for special events etc, it’s great!!

4 years between my boys. They are 6 and 2. We wanted the age gap reasons being:
A year off work whilst eldest was starting school so I could be there for him and also so I would get 1 to 1 time with the baby during the day.
Eldest old enough to make himself a drink and use the toilet just made life easier.
Me and my husband did make a point of spending one to one time with our eldest to make him feel like he was still important.
They play beautifully together our eldest enjoys teaching his brother how to do new things. Of course they argue and fight like all siblings but I see them playing and it's just lovely.

I have 1 1/2 years and 8 years between my 3 children. They all love each other and generally did things together and as young adults are friends. I didn't find it hard going back to nappies and the olderDC adored their baby brother. Sibling relationships are more about personality than age gap imo although there are times in childhood where a teenaged sister might not have a lot in common with a barrelling around preschooler or when the older DC leave home and the youngest is lonely ( our current situation) .