How do you manage living in a noisy/crime area?

[tiredtrumpet]

I apologise in advance for how long this will be, I will try and sum it up!
A few years ago DH and I bought our first home. We completely renovated it, sold it, and used the profit to buy a house we normally couldn't afford in DH hometown. It's beautiful. It's near good schools. It's a stones throw from natural walks. It's near local amenities, everything in walking distance.
Over the last 2 years, it's become a bit of a nightmare. Our car was badly keyed from some local youths. Rubbish is constantly thrown in our garden. The neighbours at the back have been having constantly parties all summer long. You can hear them in my DC bedroom when he is asleep. A faint thudding of music, people screaming, smashing glasses. There's a drummer at the back, who plays a non soundproofed professional drum kit every day from 4pm until 9pm sometimes. Again it's very audible in my dc room when we are putting him to bed at night.
We sit down for dinner as a family to the sound of drums and it sends me mad.

The area is filled with families which we thought would be a good thing, but the people round here don't seem to care about others, their kids are out screaming (seriously, what's with the screaming) till about 11 at night in the summer in their back yards, tearing up and down the street etc.

Next door (attached) moved in this year and it's awful. They bang, slam run about and SCREAM obscenities at each other. In my DC2 room you can hear everything that comes out that vile woman's mouth. She yells telling the kids she hates them and to fucking leave her alone. This is every single morning at least. Quite often it's at dinner as well so as well as sitting down to the sound of drums we are hearing next door slamming doors and screaming. I've considered phoning SS because the content is so bad.

Regular drilling and noisy work at 7am, it's not a massive problem but just shows how little people seem to care around here about others.

There's regular police cars getting smashed only a few streets away, and this week there was a mass brawl at the end of my street with over 100 youths that made the papers.
I was up at 4am today because there was someone outside shouting to be let in to the house across the road, not the resident, someone very dodgy looking.

I think I'm short it's turned out to be the wrong decision, the wrong thing to do for our family, which is a bit hard to swallow.

DH doesn't want to move due to expense, the fact we wouldn't get a house as beautiful as this in a nice area and the upheaval for the DC. He's slowly had enough though.

We can't move for about two years as we are paying off a loan that we got when we moved to this place, and I don't, for my own mental health, know how to cope with all this racket and crime.

Has anyone been through this that has tips on how to cope, or how to pay off debt fast so we can leave?

Is it worth truly spreading ourselves super thin to get a nicer area?

I feel like it's all consuming and I'm just sat waiting for the next party to start or hoping the drummer has broken his arm

Jesus wept where are you?! I live in Moss Side which arguably has the worst rep of any part of the UK and literally have NOTHING like this. I’d move tomorrow if it was that bad personally.

You “manage” it by preparing to move.
Most bad neighbors don’t change much (if at all), even if the police, landlords, etc. are involved.

We moved somewhere like that. It looked lovely when we looked around mid afternoon but the moment school ended there was hoards of teenagers being abusive. Then as night fell the parties and fights and aggression descended. It made me so depressed we had to move.

Sorry no advice but I understand it wears you down and ruins your life.

Ellie I’m not going to ask where you live but I met a friend in Muswell Hill the other night, we got chatting to some bar staff and they said that it was as per you description now. I found that interesting as I’d always thought of it as being very posh. But things are going wrong everywhere.

X post oh school time! My sister and I both have a thing about never leaving the flat at school time!

I'm in East London and crime is relatively high but that's nothing new. I live on what was a quiet residential street. Unfortunately a small hipster bar opened up in front of my property. Time Out magazine published an article naming it as one of the coolest bars in London or some such rubbish and Thurs-Sun every week is a nightmare with scores of people desperately trying to get in (it's a members bars but they they let in a select number of non-members each night). The noise is awful and we have currently got our local MP, councillors and the council's noise pollution team all engaged trying to help local residents deal with this.

Between the gangs and the bearded hipsters I'm kind of at the end of my teather but love this area overall so very reluctant to leave.

I knew people who had very noisy neighbours ... They were lovely but old and hard of hearing so they shouted a lot and my friends could hear the neighbour's TV in the living room. They built a false wall in their living room...blocked all sound from next door.

@RosaWaiting how spooky! Yup that sums it up, MH used to be lovely but definitely gone down hill (excuse the pun) in the last few years.
Probably know you, have I been outed 🤣

Ellie, I don’t live near Muswell Hill but wanted to meet a friend in a nice place that wasn’t central London.

Red, yes to false wall. Wonder if OP can revisit that or find a cheaper way to do it. I’m sorry, I don’t have links but at one point I looked at products for a DIY option, so would have got insulation foam and a stud wall I guess.

@RosaWaiting they are this sort. Pricey but I have had them for years now and they have helped me so much! harleysthearing.co.uk/what-we-do/hearing-protection/earplugs-for-sleeping/

Unfortunately you get bad neighbours everywhere. If the house is rented you can approach the landlord, if it's owned your only option for constant but moderate noise is the council (the police would only attend at anti social times for exceptional noise). Moving is your only long term solution but spend time researching different options rather than trying to rush it - looks can be deceiving. I live in a city so it can be quieter, but by choosing location wisely I found a detached house, best decision ever

Wtf? I lived for 20 years in Brixton and apart from two one night riots we had silence (bar the Heathrow flight path), respectful, kind neighbours, an undamaged soft top car and safe, clean and tidy streets.

Get out. No 'nice house' is worth that stress

Thank you all for replying. Some of the situations you are in are just awful, pissing in a letterbox?

When we looked into soundproofing it was a 'fake' wall and they filled the gap, we would lose a good 7 inches from our room and tricky to do around the old open fire and chimney breast. The DC bedrooms are already on the smaller side so we decided against it.
Definitely works for some people.

I'm unable to rent out this house and rent another, I did mention it as an option but the rent in a really good area is so high we couldn't pay that and the mortgage even with someone paying rent on our house iyswim.

I would want a detached next, there's no way I could go through this again. As someone mentioned up thread you get shitty neighbours everywhere, it's nothing new, I'm just shocked at the decline of this area in the space of 2 years.
Gangs have been coming down from neighbouring towns to 'fight' the ones from here and there's 100,s of them. I get anxious when my DH needs to pop to the supermarket of an evening and won't let him walk, it's sad really.

A PP mentioned they looked round a house at a quiet time of day, that's the problem isn't it, moving forward I'll look around houses at 4-4.30! Might even drive by of an evening on a Saturday. Makes sense doesn't it. Appearances can be deceptive.

In my early 20's I lived in some of the worst parts of a nearby town. They were notorious. They were absolutely NOTHING like this, it's bizarre. There would be an odd party but that's it, I lived in a terrace and another time a flat and I didn't hear a peep from the neighbours. I think that's why it's been so hard to swallow. I feel like I've worked my socks off to get to a point where I can buy a house and it's gone so wrong

When buying you visit the street numerous times on different days at different times. I was looking a few years ago, a beautiful house came up for sale, detached. The dog next door barked a lot, you could hear him from down the road, so it was not just when people walked last. You need evening and weekends especially.

I would recommend noise cancelling headphones, DH has some Bose ones they did cost £200. It’s so he can watch the kind of sport he alone likes and I can game on my console in the same room with zero disturbance to each other.

confused thank you. I will look for an alternative to Harley Street though!

OP, 7 inches doesn't sound too bad but yes, I live in a tiny flat.

I totally understand that feeling that you finally got there and it's ruined. I'm sorry to say I don't know what the answer is except proper rural isolated living. This seems to be a problem across the UK. Maybe because we have no proper noise laws and what we have isn't enforced.

plus some people seem to really enjoy making a noise.

confession

I was at a friend's mum's house - long story - the friend and I were hanging out and her mum was doing the garden with a strimmer. The noise was immense. Her mum was elderly. Eventually a neighbour shouted "shut the fuck up" and I agreed with him.

the mum lives somewhere posh, btw, in a detached house. I just don't know how all this noise became acceptable.

In my experience in London (lived in up and coming area for 10 years, moved last year to another up and coming area) areas are cyclical - they start off dodgy, gentrify, which attracts crime and get dodgy again then gentrify again. Our old place was on the wrong side of the park when we bought but super convenient for us and we did loads of work to improve it - area improved, lots of the old residents moved out and new ones moved in spending lots, high street improved and lo and behold, professional beggars and crime moved in (car driven into 3 times without note being left, tyres slashed, house burgled, son mugged, drug dealers accosting kids on the way to school etc.).

If the schools are good and the area and house ticks your box in other ways, stay put. If it doesnt, you'll probably be waiting a while for it to get better so either do what you can to make it tolerable (sound proof, move round rooms internally, report noise nuisances to environmental health, find a garage to rent to park in) or look at your options to move as soon as you can.

I have exactly the same problem, my neighborhood is dreadful (Manchester) kids screaming at all hours, feral toddlers, loud music, litter.....the works, it's survival of the loudest & rudest.
Unfortunately because the parents are loud inconsiderate morons they are raising loud inconsiderate moronic children.....my neighbours kids bounce off the shared walls so hard my pictures rattle on the walls.....at midnight & later (and before we all start jumping in about "special needs" in children I have misophonia & am HSP so I have some issues myself, which are no less important because I'm an adult) so I walk down the canal for a bit of peace??!... and get stones thrown at me by feral kids.. (this isn't personal - they do to everyone else too) I already wear noise cancelling headphones most of the time when I'm at home due to the ongoing noise & will sell my house at a loss to get away from this area.....it really isn't worth it for your mental health.....noise pollution is already known to cause serious mental & physical health issues.
Unfortunately entitlement & selfishness is rampant in some areas and it's only going to get worse.
Councils don't care, housing associations don't care & neither do the police. .
Get out before the area becomes a complete ghetto & you can't sell your place.....

The thing that worries me is that this is everywhere now and there’s nothing to stop people being this way.

@LilyR2019 that sounds awful. But I agree the parents shout and scream and are inconsiderate, so the children are.
If I'm out with my DC in the garden and they start screeching I tell them to pipe down and that we don't do that here, they look at me utterly confused because the children next door and over the fence the other way are all screaming but I just say there's no need for it. They stop.

I came home yesterday to some music blasting from a few doors down, this is a new one, seemsnthey are joining in the party

I spoke with my non attached neighbors yesterday and they are fed up with the drumming and constant screaming of next doors children.

But yes there's no guarantee this won't happen somewhere else which is awful, but if we don't move and at least try we will never know

In your position I think I’d move. I think the advice about visiting a street at different times of the day is very sound.

Oh I hear you, I already have my escape plan.

That is to move to rural Cornwall, I've even found the house I'm going to buy, which is currently owned by a friend & I already know the neighbours, who are lovely & not intending to move.

I believe the issue with the suburbs is that mostly there is no sense of community, so there is zero incentive to be considerate as it's survival of the loudest & most inconsiderate. Acting like a loud bellowing a$$hole shows your neighbours just how important you are!!... entitlement is everywhere and it's too late to stop it.

I don't want to live this way, I want to live somewhere where the neighbours actually give a sh*t about each other and act accordingly.

Having seen how proper communities work I want to be part of that, not living amongst a selfish bunch of entitled morons who are too thick & oblivious to think of others.

And if I sell my current house at a loss, so be it, I can't cope with this toxic environment long term, it's seriously bad for my mental and physical health.

I feel for you. We are currently renovating our first (owned) house in a lovely quiet cul de sac surrounded by elderly people.

Until we move in we are stuck in our rented flat. We have lived in the same flat for six years and the area has slowly deteriorated over the past three or so. The local kids are awful, they scream from sun up to sun down and if you dare ask them to quieten down (or to stop destroying your property ) their parents arrive and roar in your face about who the fuck you think you are. I've been woken up several times due to grown adults brawling in the street, screaming at each other, windows being smashed and dodgy people hammering on doors in the middle of the night.

A teenage girl was recently threatened by a grown man with a knife because she didn't have a lighter.

Last week my tyre was slashed. I got a new tyre put on and the guy came back later the same day and slashed all four. He did the tyres of about 100 cars in a half mile radius (in broad daylight!) and even though he was arrested, nothing has happened to him. When the police phoned me they hinted heavily that the guy would be getting a kicking from local residents and they won't be actively protecting him.

thing is, sometimes it's sheer dumb luck

my mum's street has a nice sense of community. There is one family with noisy yapping dogs but they are decent people who will help if needed so that's something.

living in a small close was something I thought might make things better - but then I have other friends living on closes who say it makes it worse, partly because of acoustics and partly because of kids playing in the street.

I once stayed with a friend in rural Kent, the nearest house is about a mile away and someone had such a noisy party, my friend cycled off at 2am to try to figure out who it was as she couldn't tell the police anything more than "very loud party in the area"!

" He did the tyres of about 100 cars in a half mile radius (in broad daylight!) and even though he was arrested, nothing has happened to him."

round here, it's first week of school holidays. I don't have a car but I'm told by neighbours that no one does anything. Again, slightly helpful that mum lives in a close because they seem to walk up and down the more main roads doing it.

Omg it sounds terrible, I’d definitely move. It’s not a beautiful house - it’s like when someone really physically handsome is an absolute douchebag. Instantly unattractive. I’m so sorry OP, I could not cope with that stress, sounds like an awful area