Should I report my neighbour to SS?

[MouldyOrange]

I have a neighbour across the back who has had two almighty family fights in as many days. I can hear a teen boy screaming 'I can't believe you did that' over & over & a mother screaming something in response. They sound totally out of control. Yesterday, I heard what sounded like the dad stamping on an ipad (heard the sound of crunching glass underfoot). The boy went mental at this. I'm not acquainted with them at all. The sheer volume & nastiness of the parents shrieking leads me to think it's a very unhealthy household. Should I report or keep my beak out?

@whingeygingy what?

I would ring 101 for advice. What did you decide to do in the end OP?

I would call SS. People on the internet are not qualified to know when a family is in need of help, based on a single thread

The child may be known to SS. The parents may not be able to cope. The child may have additional needs, be taking drugs - who knows.

A visit from SS, while scary as hell, may help the family assess whats going on in their household. They might be signposted to helpful organisations, fast-tracked to CAMHS - who knows. If things are very bad, the child may go to a relative or into foster care.

Let the professionals know that you are worried and let them assess whats going on. They may have many pieces of the puzzle that you cannot see.

A bit early to be drinking, isn't it?

You have only heard two incidences and they just sound like arguments. You can’t possibly know for sure his possessions are being d if this is a neighbour at the back.. personally I’d just monitor now, perhaps a smile or a hello to the teenager if you see him out and about.

I would call the police when you hear shouting and screaming; it’s easier for the family to say nothing was happening after the fact but if the police go at the time they’ll hear the shouting and be able to get fresh accounts. They’ll then refer it to social services.
And no don’t take the attitude of “it’s not my business”; that’s how a lot of child abuse goes unreported. I’m sure there’s probably a backstory to it but there’s got to be better ways to manage things than nasty screaming and breaking items.

If you could hear the way my son screams and cries at us when we take him of his xbox, you would think we were in here torturing him and he's only 11. I'm not nasty to him though but I certainly do shout.

Oh fgs have you all got teenagers???

Sometimes I can shout at ds mostly over bloody fortnite
Shout down for dinner
We are a shouty household

He will shout at me saying I'm a terrible mother, all his friends are allowed to play all day and night blah blah blah

When I turn the WiFi off he will shout 'omg I can't believe you've just done that, what am going to do now'

I do a lot of child protection work, trust your instincts but also be realistic

MozzchopsThirty I agree with you. My ds is 11, his screen time was up the other morning so I took away his tablet calmly. He was screaming and shouting at me...and yes, I'm also the worst mother in the world apparently. I asked him to help me unload dishwasher and more screaming at me for expecting him to do everything . I try to keep a calm atmosphere in the house...but sometimes I do raise my voice, but we are a loving, happy family, albeit a loud one occasionally! I think there's not a lot to go on in the situation the op described. I'd just keep an eye on it to be honest.

You’ve not reported anything that would concern me. If a parent has destroyed a bit of tech, it’s probably not their finest moment, but it’s a pretty effective consequence for a kid whose behaviour is negatively affected by it. Highly likely the parent bought it in the first place, too.

You are hearing arguments. I would change my mind if you hear abusive statements in them routinely that, over time would reduce a child’s sense of self. Sounds more likely to me they are struggling with a screen-addicted zombie, there are a lot of those.

If the child’s belongings are Being smashed, they are being shouted at etc then it’s emotional abuse.

Too many ifs, buts and variables.

Could be dealing drugs, taking drugs, knocked up his gf, stolen money, looking at porn - many many things - but every LA will have a link on the council website for Childrens Safeguarding. If you feel you must make a report, all the information is there.

With regard to the smashing of a tablet. It depends...

Parent coming home, hurling foul language and smashing up tablet for no reason.... definitely abusive.

Teen refusing to turn off device despite constant requests and showing rudeness and disrespect....parent smashes tablet...not brilliant parenting but not abusive as an isolated incident.

No. I don't think these incidents warrant that.

You don't know the reason for the iPad being smashed. Teenagers can be quite dramatic. It also sounds like a 2 way street with their arguments. Not a petrified boy being abused.

If you decide against calling SS on this occasion, I'd suggest writing these incidents down in a notebook while they are still fresh in your memory, with details like times,dates, who said what, that you heard something (possibly an iPad) being stamped on. That way if the arguments continue and you do ring SS)the police, you have proof that is has been a regular thing and they can start piecing together a picture of what is going on with this family.

Until recently, there have been no loud arguments? Just these two? If there is another one, then that suggests that it's becoming a regular thing which could be a sign that all is not well in that household. In which case, contacting SS might not be a bad idea. It might be child abuse, or it might be just a teenage boy misbehaving. Either way, they'll be able to offer help and support.

I agree with other posters that you are better ringing police during an argument, not afterwards, so they can see/hear what is happening themselves rather than being told about it secondhand from you.

Perhaps you should have a casual conversation with your neighbours, get to know them. Maybe then you will know the type of personality this people have and would be easier for you to assess the situation. Rather than calling the authorities right away. Teens are a nightmare. Agreed with everyone, that they just get worst during the holidays. My son started shouting "oh my gawd, you're killing me" loudly & repeatedly (as if he just got his ass whopped) at me because I 'accidentally' unplugged the wifi 😉 (in my defense, I've been missing him and only wanted to see his face even for a minute)
I'm also guilty for losing my cool sometimes, shouting because I'm usually not heard in my home. So,yes. Least get to know them before jumping to conclusions.

Calling SS for parents shouting and a child shouting back jeez.

If my neighbours did that every time they heard myself or one of the DC shouting at each other they'd be here every other day 🙄

You need more cause for concern, sounds like normal teenage angst driving the patience of the parents. You need to keep in mind ss are overstretched and raising an alarm over every argument wastes time that could be spent on actual abuse!

I think we will all be fucked if the ss got called on us for a couple of arguments with our teenage ds! Ffs.
He could be a handful! It's hard bloody work having a teenage and sometimes parents shout and scream so do the teenager's, but calling the ss is a bit much. From what the op has said the ds doesn't sound like he's in danger I do agree that it's out of order if dad did break the iPad but that might not of actually happened.

You sounds like you have put two and two together, and come up with 58.

You have no idea an iPad belonging to a child has been smashed. You are extrapolating that and filling in the blanks. It could have been anything.

You have heard two rows, but no abusive statements from the parents. Teens can be volatile, and try the patience of the most saintly parents. If you hear repeated, further, rows, or the parents actually shouting abuse, then of course report. As things stand, it sounds like the normal cut and thrust of family life.