How do you define alcoholism?

[MariaVonBratt]

Just curious really.

Alcoholism is a touchy topic on MN. There are a lot of people who seem to think anyone who drinks often has a problem and I don't agree but I do think I probably overdo it. I can polish off a bottle wine 3-4 nights a week, sometimes more. I do it because I enjoy it but if there is a reason I can't drink (driving somewhere, busy, unwell) it's not a problem to me. I compare it to eating too much chocolate - it's not good for my heath and I try to diet but I enjoy it so I keep coming back.

In my view addiction is categorised by behaviour and dependence not volume. What do you think?

My view is unless you can not drink for a couple of months no problem then you are a functioning alcoholic. I’m not teetotal but am a very light drinker, I have seen the effects of alcoholism. My stepfather was an alcoholic a functioning one in charge of an incredibly large transit system, I shudder to think of decisions he may have made that could have put peoples lives at risk. My half sister his DD is also an alcoholic.

No I don’t consider just homeless people drinking cider to be alcoholics there are enormous amounts of hidden alcoholism.

Thank you for all of the comments. On reflection I do think I definitely need to cut back. At the very least I've noticed I've definitely put weight on so as shallow as it sounds that will be my motivation for now. It's not necessary and it's costing me a lot of extra money on top of my weekly grocery bill. I will start making changes. Thank you for the comments

I would recommend starting by total abstinence for an undefined period. One of my friends began with ”I’m not going to drink today” rather than ”I’m not going to drink for a month” and she's now sober since September.

I am a sober alcoholic and for me, alcoholism is when you lose the ability to control your drinking. So either 'a couple of glasses' always turns into the whole bottle or a 'quiet night out' ends up in chaotic bender.

Or, more drastically, a vow to have a day off today made in the depths of a horrific hangover at 8am is forgotten about by 4pm - every single day for months and months and months.

Alcoholism is a progressive disease. I didn't start out drinking nearly 3 bottles of wine every day. It crept up slowly, slowly until that was 'normal' for me.

It's great to sense check your own consumption well done.

If you find it hard to stop for a longer period, you could go to an AA meeting. It's not all street drinkers and old men but increasingly attended by younger people who have 'stopped in time' but still have a very very valid reason to be there.

I had to take my dh to a & e last week due to erratic heart palpitations & unable to breathe, speech was also slurry & making no sense. After ct scan, mri & ecg they have decided it's high blood pressure caused by too much alcohol. This has also caused irreparable kidney damage. He too was drinking a bottle of wine a few times a week. Drs say he was definitely showing physical signs of alcohol dependancy. He is only 52, is now on 3 differemt tablets a day & waiting for results to clarify whether or not he suffered a mini stroke. All caused by a harmless glass of wine at the end of the day. It is too cheap & too socially acceptable for the damage it can actually cause.

A dear friend denied he was an alcoholic. He just enjoyed a glass of wine. The problem was that he gradually built up his intake until he couldn't go for more than 12 hours without a drink and ended up being medically detoxed during a hospital stay for something else.

He has now been (mostly) sober since Christmas.

What is so sad is that it was obvious to all around him that he was struggling but in his head he was not an alcoholic, he just liked the taste. It took a crisis to make him address what he did not want to address.

On the plus side he has lost a lot of weight, looks better than he has for years and is not spending hundreds of pounds a month on booze.

Good luck.

My partner easily drinks two bottles of wine a night at weekends. He makes a big thing of not drinking Monday to Thursday. By Wednesday he is suffering withdrawal symptoms and is snappy and grumpy. He can never have just one drink. He is a functioning alcoholic despite the fact he does not drink during the day except on holiday.

And I guess when it's not causing any obvious problems for you (I still get up and go to work everyday, look after my kids pets and dp, my house is clean and tidy etc) you wonder what harm you're really doing.

Not trying to get at you OP, but considering how much you drink and it’s frequency, I wonder if that’s truly how those around you, such as your kids and DP see it.
In my experience, people who drink heavily are oblivious to their impact on those around them.

Just something else to think about.

Oddly enough, there is an AIBU going at the moment where a woman says she has a bottle of wine 3 or 4 times a week, but doesn't get drunk and asking if she's being unreasonable.

It's a voting one.

24% don't think she's unreasonable. I think that is SCARY AS HELL and shows there is a real issue surrounding alcohol in this country. I', not tee total, if I'm out I might have two or three drinks at a push. If I open a bottle of wine it will last me best part of a week as I only have one glass a night should I do this (single, so it doesn't get shared).

ShatnersWig doesn’t surprise me at all sadly.

@TheHodgeoftheHedge my dc never see me drinking - always wait til they're in bed unless we're at some sort of social event like a family bbq etc. But that's rare. And I never drink to excess near them. My dp enjoys a glass of wine too and usually it's something we do together - open a bottle over dinner and then continue into the evening with a film. It used to be a treat, now it's something that's become a habit. It's something we both need to address.

I really am going to cut down, some of these replies have opened my eyes. I will speak to dp about it too.

There’s no “ wrong reason “ to do the right thing. Cutting down because you want to lose weight or save money are a good reasons , not shallow ones.

Remember there are support threads on MN, usually under Health and then Alcohol Support. I think They are called things like Tryers to be Dryers and Brave Babes.

ShatnersWig doesn’t surprise me at all sadly.

Because i am raging on behalf of a friend I will answer with this:
When you go to the pub near daily for a pint
When you can't stop after just one
When your wife has to hide any alcohol in the house or you'll drink it
When you can't keep a promise to your wife that you won't drink anything when you have to look after your 4 year old that evening (broken when you went out at 4pm ish to do the recycling then went for a pint afterwards)
When you leave your sleeping 4 yr old in the house ALONE while you go to the corner shop to buy beer
When you are a horrible person when are drunk
When you drink 1/2 a bottle of gin when you are on child duty one evening, at home alone, and you are bored.

And when you say all this is normal and everyone does it.

I am fucking raging.

If the only way you can wind down or enjoy yourself is by having a drink then you have a problem. I don't care if it's daily, weekly, monthly or twice a year. If you look forward to drinking because you know it will help you relax/sleep/chill out then you are an alcoholic. How would you feel if you'd had a crap day and for whatever reason you couldn't get a drink? Would you still feel like you had been relaxing or had time to enjoy yourself? If not then that's a huge issue.

@Northie I have to say I disagree with your definition of alcoholic massively. I really don't think you can call someone who drinks twice a year because they find it relaxing an alcoholic. By its nature alcoholism is an illness/addiction that ruins lives because the person has to get more and more to the detriment of everyone around them and their own lifestyle, job, health and so on. It's a fact that alcohol changes your mood and many people can enjoy the feelings of confidence, relaxation, sleepiness, zoned out-ness that it brings moderately without it taking over their lives.

I don't drink because I've had a crap day either. I have a drink because I enjoy the feeling it brings whether I'm happy or sad to begin with.

I have a drink because I enjoy the feeling it brings whether I'm happy or sad to begin with

Then have one drink. One glass. Not a whole bottle at a time, three or four times a week.

If the only way you can wind down or enjoy yourself is by having a drink then you have a problem. I don't care if it's daily, weekly, monthly or twice a year. If you look forward to drinking because you know it will help you relax/sleep/chill out then you are an alcoholic

What is the point of alcohol if someone isn't using if for any of those things? It's a mind altering substance, which I think is fine , in moderation. It's what humans seem to need to do, it doesn't mean it's alcoholism. Now if you prioritise drinking over other commitments or it's causing issues in your relationships then it's a problem

I said if drinking is the only way you can relax and enjoy yourself then you have a problem. Alcohol shouldn't be used as a coping mechanism, the same as smoking or taking drugs shouldn't. If you have to rely on getting drunk to be able to have 'fun' then something isn't right. Alcoholism isn't just binge drinkers or dead beats who down cider every day. There are functional alcoholics everywhere who hold down jobs and marriages. It doesn't mean they aren't addicted just because they seem to be living normally. There are many many people who regularly take drugs and smoke, but still live normal lives. They are addicted too, but it seems drinking is so normalised and accepted nowadays, you don't have a 'problem' until you beg borrow and steal to fund your addiction.

I used to drink 4/5/6 bottles of wine a week.

For ages, I didn't even think about it. Or didn't want to think about.

I was sick and tired of feeling sick and tired. Not massively. Just a bit off every day.

So now I might have a bottle of wine a week. Max. And even then I feel a bit shit the next day. So that's lessening.

The thing is, you won't wake up regretting not having drunk any alcohol.

@Cobblersandhogwash this is true. I don't feel hungover anymore either but I guess I feel a lot more energetic and motivated when I haven't drank.

For me it's about breaking that habitual cycle of opening a bottle of wine over dinner than gradually draining the rest of a bottle while watching a film. It's become a way of life rather than a treat. If I can just stop the cycle I won't have such high intake anymore.

Always beware of answers on MN's about alcohol OP. Threads about alcohol always attract militant teetotalers or people with very strict views on alcohol, just like threads about food/diet/weight attract people with eating disorders.

For what it's worth I used to have a few drinks every night for ages. Now I only have a few on Friday/Saturday. The only thing that's changed is that I now fall asleep on the couch at 7:30 rather than being able to stay up till 9.

I'm not sure if that's a good thing.

The term Alcoholic is most unhelpful. No one labels a smoker a nicotine oholic or a drug user a heroinaholic. They are dependant/addicted to an addictive chemical. MN is full of wagging fingers and just stop. If you do have a concern about your relationship with alcohol, read Annie Grace Naked Mind. You will get less judgment and more understanding, then you can decide whether you want to cut down, give up, or carry on. For many people the AA approach is absolutely wrong for them. You may have posted because you want to change, I dont know. Do not let other people be dictatorial. You do not need a challenge, you need to be helped to make the right choices for you

@MariaVonBratt try alcohol free beers. Or really nice soft drinks.

Also I found going to bed early really helpful.

You may find when you cut down, you're knackered. This is normal.

Confused I hear what you’re saying, AA is not fir everyone, and finger wagging helps no-one.
One of the biggest issues people face though is the normalisation of drinking. Lots of people fall into the belief that it’s a natural part of life, when it definitely should be a choice rather than a default.