If you found out your partners father is a Paedophile would you end relationship?

[bebeboeuf]

I did.

My ex supported his father and helped him sort things out each time he got caught.

It sickened me as I couldn’t understand how anyone could stand by someone like that.

Ex is now buying house with new girlfriend.

I couldn’t possibly see any reason why someone would be in a relationship with someone who was so closely linked to a convicted paedophile so my only assumption at the moment is that he has t told her the truth and that she may get a nasty surprise one day should she ever google his father’s name (not something I would ever consider doing in a new relationship)

Would you end the relationship or is there ever a reason to stay?

Does she have kids?

I would need more information - such as his father was 17 and his girlfriend 15 and labeled with the title not great but yeah and no i wouldn't end it a real situation of pheodophilliar absolutely i would end it

Unfortunately repeat offender whilst in 50’s and 60’s.

Going on the thread title alone no I wouldn’t, on the condition he didn’t speak to his father

Helping him to cover things up is disgusting

Your title and original OP are very different.

Someone having a paedophile as a father is not their fault. Supporting their crimes and is entirely different. In the circumstances you describe, absolutely not.

As he’s an ex, it’s really not your problem or your call, OP. It’s up to the new girlfriend where she draws her lines. However, if she became pregnant, it would be sensible to warn her to keep the child away from its grandfather.

There is a huge difference between your thread title and your post

In reply to your thread title the father being a paedophile wouldnt on it's own have me end a relationship.

If as you quoted though his son condoned the behaviour then yes I would but they're 2 different scenarios

What do you mean by helped him sort things? There's a vast difference between helping him cover up crimes, and sorting out finances/ property etc when someone goes to prison.

Agree with you OP you did right to end it and especially as the ex was complicit in helping him which makes it even worse. They both sound horrible tbh.

My ex was one of many siblings and as far as I know as I haven’t kept in touch with the family at all for obvious reasons is that he was the only one out of all of them to stick by his father.

The others all had wives with kids so really had no choice but to go no contact.

Ex made it clear that he wouldn’t ever tell me the whole story to ‘protect’ me and therefore left me no choice but to leave after seeing the reaction of others in the family and thankfully I made the right decision after being able to find out what the convictions were for

@NoBaggyPants the fact that he helped him at all was not acceptable

I'd end a relationship if my partner thought what they'd done wasn't that bad and supported them. I've ended a friendship for those reasons.

Going by your posts, I'd leave this ex, too.

In fact, given that he's the only one to stand by, and the way he wouldn't tell you everything, I'd be left wondering if there's more to it, and that the ex may have been abused as a child.

Hi. I am going through this at the moment. My partners father is being investigated. I’ve cut contact due to being a teacher and it going against my personal feelings.

It has caused strain on my relationship with my partner as he still has contact with his father. We are in limbo waiting for answers. My partners family don’t want to believe that what he is being investigated for might be true, so they are trying to continue life as normal.

Yes I would

Sadly a son/daughter will likely have to have had years of manipulation by their parent even if they haven’t been abused themselves

If you are already married/have children it would be a lot more difficult but I certainly wouldn’t allow my children to spend time with them and would warn others/inform SS should I suspect they are spending time with children

@lilcreed sorry you’re going through this. It’s been a few years for me now and I’m now at peace with my decision but it was really hard at the time and I made the mistake of not telling some people why and could have done with the support

I think it’s so easy to say what you think you would do in these situations, but the reality when it actually happens to you is very different.
Cutting contact with a parent who may have been the ‘perfect’ loving father, your idol growing up, cannot be easy. He may be minimising what has happened, and guilt tripping that all his other family members have deserted him.
That would make it hard for someone not to stand by their father.

Obviously not excusing what he has done but love and family ties are very strong.

I have a friend who has been through this. The relative was prosecuted for a sexual offence (not against a person per sae, but perverse behaviour) and as part of that he scared a child, which in the context of his behaviour wasn’t good.
He was found guilty of lesser offences and didn’t serve any time. So slightly different. The person didn’t like his relative, was disgusted by him but, still had contact with his parents and siblings who had contact with the offender, and he for various reasons had a level of contact with the perverts wife (yep, she stayed)

To be honest, I can sort of understand. He doesn’t have contact with the relative directly but doesn’t want to cut of his whole family. It’s not always black and white. So I guess there is no clear answer and what others would do depends on the circumstances

My dad is a paedophile. He went to prison for downloading pictures. I am disgusted and repulsed by him. He was my hero growing up, who cared for me and loved me, and to find this out has destroyed my feelings for him. But I still sorted finances when he went to prison. I visited him. I still do now. My partner stood by me throughout, and thank god they did as I’m not sure how I would have coped without.

You honestly honestly don’t know what you’d do unless you were in the situation. I’m not saying you’d do the same as me. But you just don’t know.

Thanks namechange for the alternative perspective.
It must be very difficult for you all.
And quite brave too

My ex’s father was a downloader too.

Thank you bebe. Ofcourse you have to do what feels right for you and I don’t know your circumstances obviously. I’m aware to the outside world that it might look like I’ve stood by my dad regardless but the reality of the situation is very different.

Only if he stood by him, like your ex appears to have done.

My dh’s step father is a convicted paedophile (my dh was an adult when his mum met and married him, the child was a child in his first wife’s family). It didn’t actually come out about his past until we had been together nearly a decade (MIL was - rightly- afraid we would cut all contact if we found out). It was a horrific time because we had no idea all that time and our eldest had been allowed contact (supervised) with him. I told my dh that he had two choices, go completely NC with him or I was leaving if that’s what it took to keep our dc safe. It was incredibly painful as, though my dh agrees we don’t want anything to do with him, step father is controlling and abusive to MIL. We see very little of her now as a result and it’s been really difficult for my dh. He feels very sad for her and feels very caught in the middle wanting to protect her too. But contact with the paedophile was non negotiable. My dh absolutely knows that and he supports that, even though the situation is quite difficult for him.

It’s unfortunately very normal for families of abusers to circle the wagons and defend them. It’s the only way to cling onto some semblance of normalcy and to control the narrative about their own lives and relationships with the abuser.