Can anyone help me enjoy my young children?!

[Readysetcake]

I’m finding life with two so hard. They are 3 (almost 4) and 1 (14 months). They drive me mad on a daily basis. I crave my work days. The days at home with both of them are so long. The 3 year old is sooo emotional and will blow up at anything and everything about every 5 minutes. She’s really pushing boundaries at the moment. She gets so jealous of her brother she lashes out at him all the time. The toddler is constantly demanding things and starting to tantrum when he can’t get his own way.

I find all my enthusiasm for parenting has been sucked out of me and I struggle to think of things to do with them. And when I do try and do things it ends up in arguments and tears 9 times out of 10! Sometimes mine!

Tell me how you enjoy time with your young children. I do love them and feel time is slipping away. They will never be this small again and I feel like I’m wasting their childhoods feeling miserable. Which can’t be good for them either ☹️

I don't think you should beat yourself up for feeling like this, it sounds tough. Are you working PT? I'd be tempted to go up to FT again.

Maybe having planned activities on your days with them is the way forward, so they are distracted and have other kids to play with. It's annoying to have to do that though as I'm sure you'd like to be able to chill with them at home a bit!

Do you have friends with similar age children you can meet on your non-working days, for child company and adult sanity?

Op it's perfectly normal!
I look back and don't know how I made it through those dark dark days!

I suppose the only key to trying to enjoy some moments in between the hard graft is being in a place where they can be entertained like soft play, splashing water place? Something like that....
Hang in there op it should get better eventually. Its grim.

I agree plan some activity to split up the day, the park, the library, a mother and toddler session, play session, beach or woods. I used to take my brood out in the morning walking to destinations (youngest in pushchair)and back , then a "picnic" on a tablecloth on the floor in the lounge (easy to fold up and shake outside, no mess), I'd stick a film or show they liked on and usually one or more would nod off and I'd do something 1 to 1 with the non sleepers like a craft kit, card game, read a new book etc. When they seemed to play together or seperately okay, I'd get a meal prepped or do some washing etc.

My DC loved "playing swimming pools" ie having a bubble bath with toys, dinosaurs etc and swimsuits on so I'd do that if they were driving me spare.

For a start I think you should stop feeling as if you should be enjoying it, and that everyone else is (a) doing it better and (b) enjoying it. It sounds like a grind, probably because it is.

My second suggestion would be to return to FT work. I'm sure there are people who would adore hanging out several days a week with a four and one year old. I am not one of those people.

The only way I cope is to build in a period of quite time in the afternoon. My toddler naps 1.30/2 - 4/4.30. As soon as she’s down my 4 year old has CBeebies on iPlayer in his room for 90 mins. It’s not everyday as he’s at preschool so I don’t feel bad. Sometimes when he’s had enough we go to the kitchen and bake some little cakes for pudding while the toddler finishes her nap. Is your younger one a good napper? Can you put your older one in front of the tv or iPad while he has his nap?

Pa meant to say we then have a busy morning out : activity/ park/train/cafe etc come home to lunch and then the blissful quiet time.

We do get out most mornings when I’m at home with them (work two days) I wouldn’t survive otherwise! Trouble is the 3 year old often wants me to play and join her games at the places we go and I can’t run off with her as I have to supervise the wobbly 14 month old who has started to wander now he’s mobile. She craves 100% of my attention and just can’t have so she inevitably plays up wherever we go. I do give her my full attention when her brother sleeps or DH is around but it’s never enough.

Thanks for the solidarity. I know it won’t last forever, I just feel I’ll look back at their early days with regret.

I am looking around at jobs and have seen a dream job which is full time. But I’ve been out of the sector since a year before having kids (as we went to Australia for a year then fell pregnant) so I doubt I stand a hope in hells chance of getting it 😩

I do remember that so much of this period of child rearing felt such a hard graft. It might be worth just noting down any happy moments each evening after they are in bed - assuming they go to bed! There are often lots of happy moments that get missed because the chaos and hard work are so all-consuming. Makes you realise what your own parents did!!!

Went back to work full time 😂😂 seriously, it's quality not quantity, it's amazing how much more patience I had with them when our time was more limited. It does get easier though I promise, you're at the tough bit (IMO) right now.

Went back to work full time 😂😂 seriously, it's quality not quantity, it's amazing how much more patience I had with them when our time was more limited. It does get easier though I promise, you're at the tough bit (IMO) right now.

Went back to work full time 😂😂 seriously, it's quality not quantity, it's amazing how much more patience I had with them when our time was more limited. It does get easier though I promise, you're at the tough bit (IMO) right now.

Went back to work full time 😂😂 seriously, it's quality not quantity, it's amazing how much more patience I had with them when our time was more limited. It does get easier though I promise, you're at the tough bit (IMO) right now.

Went back to work full time 😂😂 seriously, it's quality not quantity, it's amazing how much more patience I had with them when our time was more limited. It does get easier though I promise, you're at the tough bit (IMO) right now.

Went back to work full time 😂😂 seriously, it's quality not quantity, it's amazing how much more patience I had with them when our time was more limited. It does get easier though I promise, you're at the tough bit (IMO) right now.

So sorry no idea what happened there!!

They sound very similar to my 2!

We have to leave the house by about 9:30 or I will kill them both. Even if its just to the supermarket!

We cope by keeping to a vague schedule.
Up, dressed and breakfast then playtime til about 9:30. Then we will go out somewhere: supermarket, park, playgroup, museum, meet friends, a scoot around the neighbourhood and draaaaaaaag it out as long as we can.

Lunch about 11:30 then DD2 (almost 2) goes for a nap. I think make a massive deal about how we can do "big girl games" now with DD1 (3.5). We do crafts, play dough, board games, jigsaw etc.

DD2 will wake up about 2:30 and then we'll have a snack and then something active: garden, paddling pool, building a fort from sofa cushions, obstacle courses round the room.

Then I tend to get worn out and stick the TV on til DH gets home!

I find having a timetable helps all of us as I feel like I only have to keep up until X o clock.

Yes , yes , yes-go back to work for a couple if days even if the money all goes on childcare . I did this as i was in the same position as you . It was the best thing i did, i made friends and looked forward to seeing my children . They also got better behaved as they were stimulated at nursery not stuck with their stressed mum . This is about you too, look after you. Also toddler groups in the days you dont work

Carry on going out every morning. Do things like feeding ducks, farm, walking in the woods so you can talk and give your 3 yr old the attention. I found playgrounds more difficult as they both wanted to go on different things.
Give them a task like spot the bugs through a magnifying glass, find a big leaf and a smooth stone, find the tallest tree and so on.
Then after lunch, do an activity at the table like stickers, collage, play doh and sit with them with tea.
Never expect them to share anything like paints and if you do any baking, let them do their own.

Then garden if nice weather. Again, give a task if you can.
TV for a couple of hours.

Hard times!

These were my survival tips for what it’s worth:

Sensory play is key: baking, play dough, finger painting, washing and hanging doll clothes, playing in water, sand, rice, chalks.
It’s messy but vital for sanity because they bloody shut up for ten minutes while they do it.

Outdoor time is vital. Get everyone dressed in the morning first thing so that you can leave the house when you need to. Good waterproofs and a peaked cap for rainy days. Always, always get outside.

3 year olds need jobs to do. At the shops - fetch the cereal, carry the carrots, count the yogurts. At the park - pick some daisies, find stones, line up the sticks. In the garden- cycle around the edge, wash the wall, pull some weeds. Lots of jobs, lots of delight and praise when they’re done but constantly direct that energy away from you.

Talk to the youngest child about how marvelous the older child is. This is a genius way to lavish attention on the baby without the older one being left out. You can use it at soft play too - let’s see what your big sis is doing! Where’s big sis?

Play up the advantages of being a big 3 year old. “We have to help you put on your shoes baby, but when you’re a big clever 3 year old you’ll be able to do it yourself” but don’t over estimate the capabilities of the older one.

Think of yourself as the minister for propaganda. Talk a lot about how good they are, shine a spotlight on any and every example of the older child being kind and helpful to the younger one. Break up and separate them when there is rough play etc but only talk about the good stuff. Sibling kindness becomes a sure fire way to grab your attention.

Cultivate a bedtime routine of baths, cuddles and a single story. It helps to have a loving period at the end of the day. Of course this is likely to be followed by a row about getting back into bed and all the usual hell of real bedtimes, but it’s good for your sanity to have a built in period each day where you tell them you love them and have cuddles.

Take lots of photographs, not necessarily to share or do much with, but just to help you find the cute moments every day.

It’s really hard. Surviving each day is an achievement, and if you can get through the day without tears or a tantrum (yours, 3 year olds won’t) then it’s a special day! Cut yourself a ton of slack.

And if going back to work is the better option for you then go for it